This race was the ultimate suck-fest. I wanted David to get in a good race, so I told him to register and I would bandit- run, maybe not even do it. I was planning to push Naomi around but I really didn't want pressure to run this thing, I really did not want to be there. David registered and also came back with a number for me. I was pretty upset, I DID NOT want to race and when I register for races, I can't hold myslef back. He told me I was acting like he shot my cat. The race didn't start until 9:15 in the Texas heat and I was already feeling really uncomfortable at this point.
The race started and the runner were the pre-curser to the parade, so we got to run down the parade route. I actually really enjoyed seeing all of the families waiting for the parade and seeing all of the little children dressed in red, white and blue. Naomi seemed to be enjoying it and I got a lot of good comments as I passed running pregnant with my stroller, it was pretty awesome. At mile 2 my left hip started acheing and it really made me upset. I would walk and the pain would go away. It's just so frustrating feeling your body fall to bits and pieces when you have struggled to make it this far running in pregnancy. I would run and it would just hurt again. Now a lady with a double stroller with toddlers was keeping pace with me. Go mama! But then I saw David and he took the stroller. Everyone started commenting on how he had pushed the stroller and good job, it was really making me upset. I cried and walked the last quarter mile, he kept telling me to run. I was completely defeated and upset with myself. It is so hard to remember that my body really can run comfortably and there is internal motivation. Just sucks. I love that a baby is coming soon but it is so hard for me to watch my pace go up and up weekly. I just wanted to crawl inside a big hole and cry.
We watched the parade and went back and they were doing awards. David won first in his AG and went and looked up my result. I also won my AG to my surprise. I just hate putting running on hold at times and having a spouse that totally doesn't understand my frustration with myself at this time. I guess I will go sit in a dark hole and eat ice cream for the next 14 weeks. This is when depression sets in with my pregnancy because I am getting bigger and yet I am still so far away from the baby will be here. It's really not that far away, but realizing you will just get bigger and hotter in the Texas heat is a frightful thing.
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