Failure makes me work even harder.

AM- 5x1 mile repeats with .25 rest on the track.  Byron and I were suppose to go 6 minute pace for this workout...but we didn't...we killed that time! haha  Anyway, I focused on every 100m really.  I stuck just behind mike and for the first couple were only a few seconds behind.  My times were 5:45, 5:43, 5:40, 5:35, 5:37 (some were guesstimations based on how far back we were from mike and others michael told us our time).  I am glad I've had such good workouts lately...now just got to keep the snow ball rolling until its an avalanche!

AM-3 miles easy.  Felt like every other morning run.

PM- 8x1000m w/ 3 min rec. w/2 miles warm/cool.  Did it at the South Region course, because the JV had a race.  Stuck right behind Mike pretty much all of the thousands except like 2.  But really a strong run for doing so well in yesterdays workout.  Looking forward to Murray!

AM- 3 easy. Felt good.  Normal Artic Circle run.

PM- 5 w/ striders.  For some reason I was mad today so when matt, hunter braden and them took off ahead of the group....I chewed matt out haha. Oops. Sorry about that matt.  Anyway, a little bit of pain beneath the ball of my calf but really nothing to frett. 

AM- 3 easy. AC run.  Morning runs are early....but they get me going for the day which is nice!

PM- 5 w/ 4x200m.  Well, this was a nice, easy pace I thought.  Feeling really positive today...hopefully it will keep going into tomorrow!!  The 200m I just stuck a couple of meters behind Mike and felt good on them.  Really feeling like my speed is coming along nicely! 

AM- 3

PM- 3 miles at Sugarhouse, then a RACE.  Well, it was Murray and I really wanted to do well here.  I started out well, but it seemed I settled a lot this race.  I haven't raced yet this year.  Not overanalyzing or anything...I really feel like I am on a tempo run.  I could have caught a lot more people and I really wasn't hurting or anything.  The last 100m were way easier than it should have been...it was pretty easy to kick really.  I think I will improve on this by really trying to push out of my comfort zone this week.  Then, just going nuts at the time trial and herriman.  I think this will be good and I feel like I am under my true potential, but I really did race better than in the past!  It was a good step in the right direction. 

10 miles today.  Was tired from no sleep and the ACT so it was a super slow pace, but I did it nonetheless.  I gave myself a pep talk during this run.  I ran up towards the washington elementary then looped it back after going to the high school from there.  Felt good and easy.

AM- 3 easy.  Felt good.

PM- was really tired from no food and little water...I felt like crap.  I really felt that my negativity from a bad day translated mentally for me...I just felt like I couldn't push myself.  But hey, bad workouts happen.  I am just going to shake it off...not worry about it.  I can't control what I've done just what I do and will do.

AM- 3 miles easy.

PM- RACE. Well we warmed up for 3 miles to AC and back.  We then started the race soon after.  Basically it was the same as all the races this year...I ran decent, but I ran at like 70% of effort.  I just basically coast in.  I looked at my times and I ran the same time as my sophmore year!!! that's ridiculous....I am not going to just "not worry about it"...I tried that and it hasn't worked.  I keep trying these tricks and I am still flatlining in performance!!  So, after this frustrating event, I went home and talked to my mom...we agreed that the reason I'm not is that I am afraid that I will die and let myself and my team down.  So, in order to stop this we decided I'm going to find out my absolute all out or as she put it my "95%"!  Afterall aren't the races before state to figure out how to race our best?!  And my mom said if I legitly collapse after the finish line that she will pay me....which is a plus haha.  I don't think it's necessarily telling myself that I did well when I know I didn't...it's taking the mentality to do better in specific ways instead of being down on yourself!

AM- 3 easy.  I woke up late so I ran by myself. 

PM- 7 w/ striders.  Nice easy roller-coaster run.  We had to make a new trail to it because they put up these barriers saying no trustpassing!!! Anyways, I felt really good.  The striders I felt I was really good.  Weights and plyos...okay we need to get more people doing these!!! Some have legitimate excuses for the plyos but the weights are not optional!!! If you want to improve there is not doubt these help!!  Anyways, a good day of running.

AM- 3 easy to AC.  I feel a little bit of pain on the outside of my leg by my calf but it's just fatigue I'm guessing.

PM- Traditional sandberg run before race with 4x200m to get the legs going!  It was a good, easy pace and I pushed it on the 200m, but it seemed mike and able were racing eachother every single one! haha

AM- 3 easy. AC run as usual.  I felt pretty good

12 o'clock.- Ran on the State course just an easy run.  I felt good and ready to roll!

PM- RACE!  I didn't really know what to expect going into the race, because we weren't able to see the course, because other races were going on, so I was completely oblivious to the beastly course and the MOTHA CUSA!!!  Anyway, I started out decent...that will probably be the one thing to improve next time.  So, I was behind brigham and ashby at the beginning, because they seemed to start fast!  Coach Holt told me to not be affraid to pass them so I just responded and passed them and tried to catch the other group.  It seemed that I would catch people on the uphill and flat parts, but then the downhill I was pretty bad and I was pretty much slapping my feet and breaking, but now I know how to run the downhills better!  Byron was right behind me the whole time (until the end).  About 2 miles into it I told byron "let's go byron!!" as he came up to me and we motha cusa'd that hill!  I was doing well and then Byron passed me which I had to late of a response to that and should have gone with him!  Anyway, I think I did pretty well.  It was positive improvement and we beat d-hells!!!  I think Byron and I can push harder at Nebo and catch and pass the next group ahead of us!!!

So, we were suppose to run together, but no one texted me like they said and it was nice temps outside so I ran around 10 AM and ran out to the bridge then went on the misquito trail and then onto the river trail and turned around at 5 miles.  I felt really good and positive today.  The temperature was perfect and I felt I had good form the whole time.  I ran most of my miles at an easy 7:30-8 min pace.  Then, we were suppose to do 1 mile hard so I nailed it and ran a 5:57 last mile which felt good considering I hadn't ate or drank anything to that point in the day!  I told myself something today that I am going to use for my second moto, other than "95% effort", and, well it's not really a moto as a way of thinking about workouts and races.  It's that I might as well go for and really go crazy and give my best effort right then rather than hold back and always keep myself wondering "what if I had stayed with them?" or "what if I had tried to catch them?" or "what if I gave more there?", because that's what I've done...I've been afraid to fail when failure is just an opprotunity to learn...plus I make my fears a reality by not running with everything you have for that day which is the closest to failure you can get in my opinion!  Well, today was a good run and I hope to keep it rolling like this for a while!

AM-3 easy.  I felt really good this morning running to AC.

PM-6 miles then 2 miles indian run w/ 4xhill sprints & 4x100m F pace. We ran out by the hospital around onto the river trail. I felt pretty good today.  I was really positive and when we hit the indian run I really felt good!  As we got a mile into it I started to get a little tiny bit negative and I just said "you are physically able to do much more than this!" and "suck it up and shut up your mind!" which helped a ton.  We then stopped at the 2450 park, and I drank too much water.  We then got back and did hill sprints which I felt amazing on, especially on the top.  I started to cramp a little and my stomach was sloshing so that hurt on the 100m sprints.  But on the first 100m I felt awesome...I was just behind able and michael and passed able at the very end.  The 2nd one I ran well again.  The third one I was a back with krenshaw, because I was cramping, so we just did it together and I really pushed it.  The last one I was just right next to byron, a little bit behind michael and able.  I felt I did good, because I really pushed harder the second half and gained ground.  It kinda proved to me I have more speed than I thought!

AM- 3 easy.  I felt good, but I have been slightly angry lately...I think cause of all the stress this year with decision galore and I called mike a wuss (spell check) which really he is one of the biggest studs I know, so sorry.

PM- Michigan workout.  First half (800m, then 2400m, then 1/2 of the 800m) felt fine and I stuck right on Mike with ease.  Then I fell behind and just kept slowly more and more down....and I didn't feel one bit of pain (which I at least make up some in my brain) it was just PURE mental stupidity!  I don't think some of these mental tricks everyone says work on me...I mean can you truely deceive yourself?  I mean, I tell myself okay this is easy and I fall apart so OH ya I should tell myself its gonna be rough and that I need to push it....then fall apart!!!  It's just so frustrating!!!!  I have one of the most jacked up mind EVER!!!  I feel like when they tell me shut my brain up and just run....it's almost like telling a dog to fly...it's just not gonna happen.  I mean don't get me wrong the people who like coach and my parents and teammates trying to help me are doing amazing....it's just I'm not like other people apparently and its just frustrating...so if I have gotten mad at you lately it's just cause...I'm ubber frustrated....cause I feel like I am ready physically to just shock the world....but mentally I can barely pass as a varsity member.  So they cancel and I become a mid-varsity runner.  Ugh, why am I telling the internet this?  Because one that's how frustrated I am...and if I posted this on facebook I would have like 300 people unfriend me haha.

AM- 3 easy to AC.

PM- 5 w/ 2x400m I pace.  I felt really good and positive today.  I really liked the run to greensprings!

AM- 3 easy.  I felt great this morning.

PM-5 w/ 4x200m.  It was a good, easy afternoon run.  I ran 200m's and I felt good on the first 3 200m, but the last one I was tired on the last 100m stretch. 

AM- 3 easy

PM- Race.  This race I started out perfect and I really just died off.  Wasn't even close to my best probably at 70% at the end.  I really lost to people I don't normally lose to and I just settled the whole time.  Not really even tired after the race.  Going to start working harder to break through because I know I can do it.  Physically, I can beat almost anyone, but mentally I am weak.  So, I am going to improve that.  I only have 3 races left and I am going to get my break through race whether it kills me or not!!  And to do that I have to basically kill myself to do it!  I know if I can break through mentally I will be able to amazing stuff, but in order to break through it's going to take x3 the effort I have given all season!

AM @ Sugarhouse- This workout I really wanted to get my mindset of working harder to overcome my mental weakness, so pushing it was key.  The workout was 4x(2minH+1minE, 1minH+30secE, 30secH+30secE) w/2.5warm 3cool.  I started out the first set alright.  I was behind Mike, but I was still warming into the fast pace and I couldn't breath very well today compared to yesterday.  But the second set I did a little better and when I wanted to slow down but coach told me to keep pushing so I did.  The third set I was tired and the little rest between sets went by way fast.  I really pushed this set...I don't really remember how I did in comparison to others...I just remembered I pushed it fo me.  The fourth set was my best.  On the 2 minutes hard I could've slowed down like I usually do, but I told myself that this was the time to get my breakthrough so I pushed it and made some ground up on mike.  The last 1 min. hard coach told us to stay with Mike, so we all were legit and did!  I really pushed it on this one to stay right on his side.  The last 30 seconder I really wanted to go all out and I went fast!  Braden and I ran a few feet behind mike which was good cause I almost slipped on the major downhill!

AM- 3 miles with 4xhill sprints and 4x100m F pace.  I felt amazing on these.

PM- 4x30secF w/1 min rec+3x800I w/2min rec+3x1000T w/1 min rec w/Harts.  I did awesome on the 30 seconds hard.  Those felt really good but then I started to lose focus and turned inward and freaked out questioning whether I could finish this workout (which I do normally unfortunately).  The 800m were a little disappointing, but I can't take them back now.  So, I refocused a littl and really dug on the 1000m.  I saw Nick was struggling, so I helped him by motivating and pushing him (literally) just a little to get him going, which helped me go faster!  I think I am going to try to talk to myself out loud if I start doing this or just try to help my teammate out (even if they don't need it) to get me to stop thinking about myself.  I didn't know coach said to go the last 100m all out so I just went in and michael took off and I was like what they heck? and I found out later haha!

AM- 3 easy.

PM- Michigans w/ 1 mile warm/cool w/ striders.  This workout was the most embarassing to pvxc from me....I am sorry to everyone who watched it.  I gave up on myself...the worst thing you can do and didn't dig deep.  I didn't talk to anyone after, just kept asking myself "why did I do that? thats not me...where have I lost myself in running?"  I was frustrated cause I didn't know the answer.  Then, a friend asked me why I started running.  And he said as soon as you forget why you love something, it becomes a chore.  Running is hard enough and there is no room for people going through the motions.  I thought about it and I just need to write down why I love running:

- All of the team and coachs attitudes, examples, and fun they bring into my life

- The ability to be gutsy and dig so deep that you find a new you.

- The satisfying feeling after you've given it all.

- The feeling of going fast for miles at a time.

-The fun we have on runs.

- The feeling of being in tune with myself and really figuring out things about me I'd never find anywhere else.

- The feeling of improving and proving yourself wrong

I think I've forgotten that.  I'm sorry that I have been such a poor example of what PVXC is all about in my recent workouts.  It won't happen again.  I promise.

AM- Michigan w/ 1mile warm/cool....again!  This time I was determined to try hard and not give in to myself and give up!  I was pretty much on pace until the last 1 and 1/2 I fell off a little bit.  The last 400m I tried to push myself.  It felt good considering I had run hard the day before.  The workout half a day earlier really hit me as soon as I hit the second 800m, so it was hard.  I know all I have to do is train myself to push hard, because really I believe in my abilities (heck I tell myself all the time that I have the physicallity to be with mike), but I everytime it comes down to a workout and pushing it I freak out and slow down.  So it was nice to not back down.  30 seconds off of A standard...not too bad considering how tired I was, but always room for improvement!

PM- 5 w/ 2x400m.  I was hurt today, but I was just like suck it up ya whimp...if pre can run with a bleeding foot and win a race, you can run a 5 miler with a little soreness.  Then, we had 400m at I pace and I ran 2 seconds behind mike on the first one and the second one I just stuck with him even when he started to pick up the pace...and the crazy thing was I felt perfectly fine other than I was breathing hard...but everyone breaths hard at I pace.

AM- 3 easy to AC.

PM- 5 w/ 4x200m.  Did really well on the 200's, just need to make sure I keep pushing off the ground hard and quick.

AM- 3 miles easy to AC.

PM- RACE!  You know I was nervous for this race before hand, but I calmed myself and said...why do you like racing?  And, of course I used the competitive side, I like beating people!  And I said...why get stressed over the people I don't beat...when I can celebrate beating more people!  That doesn't really explain it well...you'd just have to be me to understand.  But I really didn't stress near as much about beating so and so...but deep down I wanted to beat them so it was a good combo!  I started out a decent pace...maybe a little slower than I should've, which is one little thing I need to improve, but I didn't get out bad...I got out well!  I then fell off the leading group through 1/2 mile to 1 and 1/2 and they gapped me, but I think if I just stick it to the main group from the start I could defintitely stick it with them.  The key for this race was I pushed it when I started to feel a little tired.  I still wasn't all out, but I actually felt a little fatigue (which I haven't felt in a race yet).  I really shouldve passed brigham and moved for the next group, but I hesitated and doubted just a little bit.  This was a huge step for me mentally and really feels like I can break through at region and race my hardest and my best!  The crazy thing is everyone was telling me how great I did...and I didn't even realize I did that good until I heard my time!  Need to work on my last mile, but really I thought it was one of my best races!

Woke up and did a run on the misquito trail and back.  Threw in about 6-8 30 sec. fartleks just to keep the legs moving!  I felt pretty weird this run.  I really was running super slow, but it was just one of those days that you just didn't feel great, but you don't really feel necessarily bad.  I am really going to push this week, so that I can reach my goal of cutting down the gap between me and mike to less than 30 seconds (which isn't a terribly hard goal considering I was 46 seconds behind him last meet), but I'd like it to be more around 20 seconds.  I still feel like I need to work on pushing myself, because I still have a lot left in me!