I wanted to DNS, but I am not that sane. Sleep deprivation runs are just getting out of hand. Yesterday my dr's office called to tell me my estrogen level is menopausal (last year when I wasn't running much it was unreadable), and hence the reason for the insomnia, night sweats, extreme irritability, depression, fatigue, lack of cognition, you name it, I am a match for the list. I tried regular estrogen last year and was way worse, I just bought some natural estrogen but still have more blood tests to take to figure it all out. It is genetic, following my mom who was 35. My symptoms began at 35. Anyway, I will pull my head out after a depressive episode at the start, like the later it got the more fatigued I got. Two gus before the start any sugar to jump start my brain. The noise around me was blaring in my brain I couldn't wait to get it over, go home and knock myself out. Very surreal. On the positive side I PRed (told you miracles happen, plus I am strong willed). Melanie and Kim were going to do sixes the first half so I was going to hang back. They like to toe the line which I don't cause then I get passed and don't do a lot of passing. I started next to them because I don't have good judgment right now and it just didn't matter to me. I knew they would do great as I couldn't even hang with them in long runs. I am so proud of my coachees : D Here are my splits, ipod blasting in my ears, it is just me, my ipod and 13.1 miles of winding road: 1-- 6:02 Hello, I could see Melanie and Kim a ways off so I thought they were the ones with the six minute mile. Slow down. 2--6:29 3--6:42 I missed the third mile mark and hit my watch after the station so this mile is faster next mile really slower. Tried to take a bite of cytomax gel vanilla (Kim had some) just before this mile (never tried it before), gagged after one taste, no more and just tossed all of them at mile 6.5. So no gu for the race. Couldn't find the brand (GU) I liked yesterday. Cliff gels are pretty nasty too. Thought I would try to see if mile 6.5 had some great brand..
4--5:56 (6:19 average for miles 3 and 4)
5--6:46
6--6:44 (mentally gearing up for the challenging ending) 6.5 mile station had these oddly tasting but better than cytomax gel. Took one half and kept on going. Yelled out to some guy who was peeing at the sideline: "wish I had that plumbing?" Haven't lost my sense of humor at least. He passed me 300 yards later.
7--6:51 Did I just run that uphill with some speed? 8--6:45 Hey how did that happen, the more mentally challenging miles ahead. 9-- 7:01 Perfume girl (sorry whoever you are, but please lose the perfume), passes me but not speedily, she stops two times passes me three times keeping the perfume in my brain the last 4 miles. My left side of my face starts to twitch. My breathing is laboring. I try to surge ahead to get her behind me but we yo yo each other to the finish when I pass her 10--6:54 This is after I pass her again and feel some energy. 11--7:38 She passes me just after the water station before the big hill. I can't run by her so I slow way down and to left of her. 12--7:07 She is a good distance a way that I am able to catch my breath. I ran in to the water table at this speed practically knocking over the little girls. I wanted two waters and both girls were handing them out one stepping out in front of me so boom into the water table I crash. They are so sweet to be there. I am not mad, hey I am drunk how can I be? By drunk I mean sleep deprived, the same as three alcoholic drinks, so I am told. I was probably the cause of the crash. 12.1--- 42.6 seconds (7:05 pace). Here there is a sign that says one mile to go. Since I don't have a garmin I push my lap button here to know how long I have for the last mile. 13.1---7:02. I decide to catch my lovely smelling friend, I pass her at just before the .1 mile to go sign. Her chip time however puts her a head of me, Oh well she is in her 20s. The best part about this run is meeting Peggy Peterson for the first time. We didn't get to chat long. But so glad to finally meet her. After that I walked around in a daze just hoping Melanie and Kim were ready to leave soon. They ran so well so of course they would like to chat for a while. Some day...when I no longer work nights I will be there with them. Perhaps in the next life. Or maybe I will surprise myself at SGM.
Pre-race notes at 440am. Only a miracle and strong will (working on that) will get me thru this as insomnia to the nth degree has been a stumbling block that I am battling with all defenses. I tried to go to bed at 9pm, just couldn't fall asleep. Didn't want to take the only thing that hit or miss works for me (xanax) because if I don't sleep it puts me into a fatigue state. So....I layed awake all night I AM NOT KIDDING, I MEAN REALLY NO SLEEP WHATSOEVER. Worse than Bryce but at least I am not in a tent and worse than my first marathon in 1995. I almost lost it a 3am so frustrated. I turned on the fan I turned off the fan. I opened the windows I shut the windows. I ate ice cream I drank water. I counted sheep (no kidding), I watched a bit of Notting Hill (3am), the end of How to Lose a Guy in 10 days (that was at 9 pm). It is as if I am somehow converted to being up at night from my three night shifts a week. I was extremely tired today at 10am, like drop dead tired, but I was out grocery shopping with Troy and thought I should stay up so I could sleep better tonight. Big mistake. PRAY for a miracle because I am having thoughts of a DNS (but you don't get your finsher shirt that way). If I do a DNF I might as well have DNS so I could watch the awesome speedy finish. I am right now going to hard delete my current sadness/frustration and try once again to get that rabbit out of the hat, the longer the minutes pass however the more "real" tired I get. Right now I am keyed up. Mostly to do with work, not helping that I have a big race in two hours. And work tonight. Miracles do happen : D Off I go to pick up Kim and Melanie, oh I better get dressed first : D | 