Of Mice and Marathons

Off.

Anxious. This day or Saturday we were going to try to get the boys in the stroller to see if they would cooperate, but I was in such a state of anxiety I coudn't get the chuck to work to air up the tires.

PM: 6.8 miles, averaged 9:35. HR 148.

5 x 20" strides. Rested in the morning in bed to lessen the anxiety and squeezed this in even though it was my time to be with the boys. 

PM: 3 hours 4'. 164W. HR 134.

5 x 5' (3')

Tried a shorter but more intense inteveral session for race week. Want them to be around 340-350, but I haven't been able to eat much, so I think that was part of why I was a little weaker. Averaged 332 watts. HR was not that high but breathing was tough. 

AM: 3.3 miles, averaged 10:43. HR 128.

Felt absolutely awful and shut it down. My body and legs felt as if I couldn't move. Not enough calories. Wobbled down our street a little bit and was a bit dizzy. I think this was the day/afternoon my anxiety was absolutely brutal. I worked through it but was almost not able to function. Stuttering and shaking.

PM: 2 hours 7'. 176W. HR 148.

Air quality has been absolutely awful but I went outside anyway. Did 2 x 10' at race effort and then a 5' at race effort because I went down a road that hit a busy highway. Called it mostly good from there. Did attack a 2' segment and came close, but was still 3 seconds off. Felt pretty good after my ride. The boys sang happy birthday to my mother, which was a good memory.

AM: 6.7 miles, averaged 9:48. HR 147.

Air quality was absolutely awful. Probably should have stayed inside the last two days and not had the boys outside, but they really love being outside right now. Felt decent today. Starting to feel a good bit better. Forcing myself to eat. I think part of the issue is I have been nervous about the race, but also very anxious about our Maine trip next week. Dad's health is getting worse and everything is challanging right now. Fortunately, I am off for the summer other than an online class in July/August, which I am very thankful for.

COW PIE CLASSIC (Long Haul)

AM: 3 hours 51'. 188W. HR 166.

Should have written this one up sooner. I can see now (June 29) that this was the stop of my blog entries. Had some issues the weekend before with stress and anxiety and not able to eat much early in the day, but got some sessions in during the week and felt tired but okay. I was very nervous about this race and was tempted not to ride, but decided I was just a little gun shy about racing since I broke my elbow in August. 

I was out of my mind with anxiety the morning of, tried to settle down and was generally very confused but told myself it was just race nerves. Warmed up a bit and felt better. Got to the start line but it was already packed and my race and wave went off and I didn't realize it was first, so I moved through the corral with my bike and really embarrassed myself (easier to do in a running race for sure) and I am sure my teammates saw me as the kit and bike are pretty loud. 

Started chasing whoever I could find, just wondering if I should call it a day as I was in such a mental rut and escalated selfdoubt and criticism I wasn't sure if I should be riding my bike. Tried to press to my goal pace and met up with some people but throughout the race no one wanted to work together, so I was smoked by 30 miles and spent a long time in what was easily one of the worst death marches I have ever completed. There's no much to do on rural dirt roads to get home, other than call sag or be in an ambulance as I did last time. 

There were some farm sections, which were sandy and challenging but pretty cool. Finished the race after trading some jokes with a guy the last few miles. Looked for food and water, but struggled. I was very confused and tired and slightly ill (nowhere near as bad as Boston 2014 though). 

I did a lot wrong in the week leading up to this race. I think I started to be anxious about my performance, but also impending travel to Maine and my dad's health decline. He's having a lot of trouble walking. Comes in ups and downs. Just wish my mother wasn't his primary caregiver. 

Took a while to reflect and wonder if bike racing is for me, especially since my running is (and is supposed to be) picking back up. I enjoy riding bikes and I do like race them, I just have a lot to work on. Bad races happen, but this was just a perfect storm of crap. Not sure if I will do Watermoo as I did last year, which I throughly enjoyed and was one of my most memorable bike races. Just going to be hard with the summer session. I'm okay with that even though I wanted to make it a yearly thing.