THOU SHALT BE A COMEBACK

I have officially come down with a little upper respiratory bug, the one I always get before a marathon, at least it is now and not next week.  Felt pretty exhausted yesterday so took the day off.  Still tired today but met up with Marcus for a nice evening 9 miler.  We didn't wear watces but ran the last mile at what I thought was my marathon pace.  Felt good while running, back to hacking when it was over. I am definitely in taper mode a little prematurely, but this is probably the first time I have ever had something to truly taper from, definitely my heaviest training cyle ever the last 3 months.  In retrospect it has been a lot to ask from a single working Mom, so if my body wants to rest now, I am going to let it!!

Treadmill.  2 mile warm-up, then 4 sets of 4 x 1 min on/off at 5:27 pace, 2 minute jogs between sets.  1 mile cooldown.  Core and weights after.

24 hours without sleep, came home exhausted from work with a sick daughter, so she didnt go to school.  I caught a few naps here and there.  did a little bitty run in the heat while she was at her appointment.  that is all.  too tired to care about running today.

Easy on the home treddy.  Body feels light and good.  I am starting to feel good.  Sub-3, a win, and $2000 would feel really good.

Treadmill at the Y.  2 mile warm-up.  4 x 1min on/off at 5:27 pace, jogged a few minutes, then 4 miles 6:35, 6:31, 6:27, 6:22.  half mile cooldown.  While I regrettably report that I felt fat rather than light and deer-like, I also felt rather strong and tireless, and the tempo miles were easy breezy, I could've been singing.  That will be an acceptable way to feel in one week!!  Taper winds down even more this week, into the downright lazy category!  Must get busy reading all these Saint George race reports for inspiration!!

Mostly easy around Vanessa's school. I did pick it up though just the last quarter mile or so to MP. Really debating hard on the watch, really, my only use for it in a marathon is for inspiration to run harder at the end if I am cutting it close. Otherwise, I run a marathon by feel, I would be a fool to force a pace in the first half. I am afraid that with a watch I will be tempted to push an inappropriate pace in the first hald, and I'm not sure I have the discipline to not look! There is one golden rule I have learned, the hard way, about me and marathons...never ever ever go out beyond your fitness level the first half, you will not get away with it. Now pushing beyond your limits the second half is another matter entirely, but doing it in the first half is a mistake from which there is no recovery.

5 ez through the 217 before work. It is still 80 degrees in the afternoons here. I felt good, I felt bad, I felt like dropping out of the race Sunday, and then I got the number 2:57 in my head. I really need Sunday to get here so I can get this over with!!

http://www.kansas.com/2013/10/09/3050325/bring-it-on-a-wichita-father-runs.html

Took yesterday off, I was sleep deprived, so the point in running was....there wasn't one.  Dress rehearsal today!  Vanessa didn't have school today, so we went to the downtown Y where I could run on the big indoor track, just didn't want to do the treadmill.  Put on the whole get-up, socks, shoes, shirt, short, ponytail, everything, then ran 2 warm up, 2 at MP, and 2 cooldown.  No watch.  Still feel heavy but feel strong and ready to go.  I walked right by the scale.  no go.  it doesn't matter what I weigh.  Just gonna run!  I will be at the starting line with my loyal Honey Badgers, Elaine(momma bear), Mike(Prefontaine), and Marcus(Bling).  We've all really been praying and rallying for Mike--news article above.

ez with Marcus through the icky sidewalk part of the course where there are way too many turns...tried to memorize it to get my tangents straight.  We are going to the expo in morning(I got paid so I can finally sign up haha).

Little shakeout with Marcus then went to the expo, got my packet, and got out.

Well, this is something I will keep forever, so a long write-up, and many confessions, so read on if you are ready to see some ugliness as well as goodness.

I have to start by saying my marathons tend to be metaphors for life, and this was one was no exception.  So I have to tell the story of the year as background.  One  year ago my nasty devastating divorce was complete.  On December 3rd, I lost custody of the stepsons I had loved and raised from diapers, my sons, and my heart....broke.  I have never been the same.  I didn't eat for 9 days, and I smoked like a chimney(old additions always come back).  I drank too much.  Thanks to a  mom who always holds my head above water, a daughter who needed me, and wonderful friends, I slowly pulled out of the mud and started running again.  By March I had won a 50 miler, won a few half-marathons, and was on top of my game, and handing my new life.  In April, disaster struck, I was nailed by a car, thrown 60 feet into a ditch, and my left knee was torn open and my fibula was broken.  My left calf was missing a chunk.  I was lucky to be alive.  I spent 6 weeks sitting at home on disabilty comtemplating "Why?" I had been spared.  I should not have lived.  I was mosty, on a whole, grateful to be alive.  At the same time, I struggled in another relationship.

In June I was back running, a fast recovery that was nothing short of miraculous.  I was doing well, and began to rack up the miles to the highest ever, and my fitness came back with a vengeance.  I PRd in the half in August, and all was going well.  In September, things turned.  I began to struggle again, as birthdays passed and my relationship failed, I began to miss my boys and my life, and a sort of delayed emotional reaction set in.  Although I knew I should be grateful I was taken over by a depression that I could not shake, and I began to sink like a ship.  I was even smoking here and there, drinking a little too often, and I began to gain weight.  I fought and I fough to keep it together but I was like a time bomb that was exploding.  my estranged father began to call after many years which threw another wicked emotional loop at me.  I fell apart.  I tried to hide it, but those close to me were on to me.  3 weeks ago I decided to start an antidepressant in a wild attempt to get myself back together.  It seemed to help, and when I arrived at the starting line today I was calm, enough bandaids were in place to get me through.

The race started perfectly.  I felt great, energy was great, slept well the night before.  I held back and ran well within myself the first half, coming through in 1:31:xx or so.  My new shoes that I had run a 16 miler in 2 weeks prior and seemed fine were giving me a little problem.  I was blistered under my big toes and every step was starting to hurt.  The outside of my left foot was burning with each step.  I thought this was something I could ignore and picked it up as planned at 13, plenty of gas in the tank, not laboring at all.  By mile 16, despite my best efforts, I think I was curling my toes around the blisters, and my calves started to get tight and knot.  I clung to the hope that this would pass,but it was not to be.  By mile 17 I knew I was in big trouble,and the pace bleeding began.  By mile 18, every step was excruciating from the thighs down, and I began to mince along rather than run.  It stunk, because my energy was good and there was plenty of gas in the tank, but my calves and feet were fiery knots, and all I could manage was a short, jerky, painful stride.  I had brought my ipod just in case, something I have never done before.  I fleeted through DNF thoughts, but decided to put the music on and buckle down for a looooong 8 mile death march.

And then I death marched.  Occasionally I entertained the DNF, but dismissed it.  I quit looking at my watch, knew it was bad and didn't want to know how bad.  At mile 22 I stopped, sat on the curb, pulled my shoes off, pulled my socks up tight, tied my shoes tight, thinking it might help a little.  The 3:10 pace group passed me.  I got up, minced along, and watched them go.  A friend of mine came by on a bike and offered an S-cap, I declined, because I knew sodium wasn't the issue, it was my knotted calves and biomechanics.  Occasionally I would try to be tough and open it up but it was a no-go, the knots just got tighter and the fire in my feet took over.  I would limp on one side, and then the other.

At mile 25 my friend Nancy jumped in.  I told her I was toast and cramped and she ran me to mile 26 at the bridge.  So glad.  I needed a boost.

And then it was over.  I saw my mom and bawled into her chest over the barricades separating us.  Then I went and found my Badger friends.  Marcus ran a 2:47!!  Wow!  We are proud indeed!  Many great accomplishments out there today, I cannot even begin to speak of all the incredible stories from my running friends today.

What is next?  I feel like a broken record, I have been up and down so much the last few years that it has reached the point of ridiculous.  That said, I don't think fitness was the problem today, it was a new-shoe-biomechanical issue.  I think. Although I am not entirely sure of my next plan, I think it will involve a few weeks off and some counseling to work on the issues in my heart and mind, which can no longer be ignored or fought through without help, and then perhaps go to a local running coach, Nathan Wadsworth, who has reasonable prices, like 50 a month, to analyze biomechanical issues and get some solutions, some of which are lingering from the accident(like running on the outside of my left foot completely and then toeing off, I still cannot dorsiflex that foot much), and to get a solid running plan, and work towards Boston hopefully with my head, heart, and body in a better place.

I am a bipolar runner, although we all are to a point--do great, do crummy,do great, do crummy lol.  I am still very grateful for tons of increbile support and family, and for this blog that I have hung on to for 5 years and is more or less a diary.  I am going to have to allow myself a little cry-laughing for a few days and then make the next plan.

Good day bloggers!  I promise I'm not done yet and I will do better!!  :)

Well well, whatever I did to my calves, I did it good, they are like steel rods from heel to the back of my knee.  The left one is particularly bad, and it makes me limp.  Part of me says I should have DNF'd because I just damaged them more, and part of me knows I couldn't have lived with myself over that, and that the damage was probably already done.  I had very tight calves like this once a few years ago over some new shoes, and ended up with bilatarel posterior tibial stress fractures.  So, the moral of the story is, no running until they are completely 100% healed.  Nothing but gentle massage and stretching, and some core work later this week.  I think my plan is no running until the November 1, although I will get into a gym and do something.  This should be ample time for my calves to heal all the muscle damage(I do think it is completely muscular).  And as me and Julie C discussed, no serious training until we have finished out the year--we are going to enjoy our holidays, run when without watches and for health reasons, and then train for Boston as January descends upon us, refreshed and ready to roar.

Ants in my pants.  Needed to move, so headed to the East Y.  20 minutes on the endless stairs which warmed my calf up a lot, walked by the treadmills and could not resist temptation.  could not....so ran two miles at a very pedestrian pace....and liked it.  Next I went and did about 30 minutes of core, mostly left the weights alone.  It felt nice. I am looking forward to a slightly longer run tomorrow in the cool fall weather.  I was surprised when I hit the scale for a reality check, not nearly as bad as I thought!

20 minutes endless stairs than treadmill, ran last 3 at 6:40 pace because I felt like it

I'm not doing a good job of taking time off--but, i am only running when i want to and as fast as I want--which it seems I want to run.  Today I was bored, so I got on the home dreadmill.  After 20 minutes of jogging, my legs were itchy, so did 20 x 45secs on/75 secs off, starting at 6:00 pace and ending at 5:27 pace.  Scratched the itch and made me sweat but wasn't stressful!  I might do something fun, like the turkey trot, in a month.

East Y.  Set the treadmill at 6:40 pace and ran for an hour until it shut down.  Afterwards did about 20 minutes of weights and then needed to get Vanessa out of kidzone.  I am looking forward to running outside tomorrow!

Easy in the cool autumn air, and a little Kansas wind, no watch.  Afterwards I took my Mom to the Y so she could check it out, walked 20 minutes uphill on the treadmill while she walked, and then we went and puttered around with some weights for a while... and then she got a membership.  Your welcome YMCA for the recruitment.

No watch, mileage estimate, in the nieghborhood around my daughter's school before picking her up.  Ran easy except for when I was going south and had a fun tailwind then I ran hard, so about 1.5 miles of the run were fast.

mmm well something is better than nothing, right?  Nice little run, I enjoyed it.  It was nice to sleep for 5 hours instead of 4.  It was nice to sit still and drink coffee and wake up instead of stumble out the door into the afternoon sunlight to run.  It was nice to take my daughter out for pizza and play and read and skip the whole Y/kidzone thing.  Tomorrow I plan to run longish and hit the weight room for a solid all-over workout--after a full night's sleep!!  Looking forward to that too.

This is the first run of the year where I had to wear gloves and cover my ears.  I tried out a new loop and got thirsty so stopped at Mom's and got a drink.  Then I convinced her to go to the Y so we went and I got some good core and weights in.  I was really planning to run a little longer but oh well-no watch but I was clipping along pretty fast, just a bit slower than marathon pace effort.  Tomrrow me and Mom are going to go to a zumba class; I am terribly clumsy so that should be interesting.

My car broke. Grrrr. Mom brought Mini me to school and then we went to the Y. I ran 3 on the treadmill at 6:40 pace and then we attempted zumba. It was fun, and I only had rythm about half the time, but I shook my booty, and everything else, and broke a sweat. So glad nobody I knew was watching. We will go back! Meant to run more but the rest of the day involved laundry and arguing about car repairs and freaking out about money and now I'm heading to work. Looking forward to a relaxing run in the morning with Pre. my legs are feeling the weights from yesterday.

I am beat up and tired from work last night, lost my voice to some upper respiratory crud, but glad I came out and ran a few with the crew, it was good to have a little company!  Good night/day!  zzzz

Mostly easy in the afternoon with Marcus.  I was pretty tired, but it was good to catch up.

I took yesterday off to try and get some rest and get over this horrid cold, and was definitely feeling better today.  I parked at the downtown Y and jogged down to the river path about 3/4 mile, then hit the gas to the turnaround at 3.5, then backed down a mile or so, then ran brisk the rest of the way back.  It was fun to run fast in the fall air.  I didnt wear a watch but I'm pretty sure it was a sub-7 overall pace because I was done with those 7 miles awfully fast.  Afterwards met up with April(there's another one) and we did about 50 minutes of weights--she used to be a body builder and showed me lots of new exercises. We are gonna get together tonight and I will probably run some on her treadmill while she does stationary bike(she's injured) and our little girls can play together.  Then dinner.  Looking forward to the Aprils hanging out with our daughters.

easy through the pouring rain, no watch

Today was crazy, but I ended up with a teeny little 45 minute window to run.  I hit the treadmill so I could use the Y shower before work.  Warmed up half a mile then one mile in 6:00, half  mile easy, 2 miles at 6:40 pace, half mile easy, half mile at 6:00 pace, 3/4 easy the last 1/4 at 6:00 pace.  I don't know if I was tired or this treadmill was calibrated crazy but the paces were way harder than usual, felt like I was at a dead sprint at 6:00 pace.