Running For Trevor

6.5 miles on murdock, 7:38 pace.  Ran the last .5 @ marathon pace.  Also ran in the heat to try and acclimate a bit.

Last week was a total wash...it was the worst I have felt physically running in such a long time.  Even my easy runs just weren't clicking or feeling fluid at all.  I was pissed at myself so I pushed myself with awful form trying to outlisten my body which just further aggrivated my grion strain and lead to me feeling trashed and mentally/emotionally depleted.  Being stubborn is often temporarily "nice" but almost always stupid and I know better.

Anyway this week is a new week and I'm trying to turn my attitude around.  I may not be able to control the way my body feels but I can control my thoughts!  Mainly I need to be smart and remember that this marathon is just a race and not worth injuring my body or being dumb.  At the end of the day I'd rather run a 3:30 with my friend, have fun, get my BQ and not risk not being able to run all Summer.  I love my summer running.  I've been pushing my body for three straight years setting PR after PR and I kind of think my body is trying to tell me something at this point.  Also to note is that I had 5 tubes of blood drawn on Tuesday last week and I think that may have taken more out of me than I gave it credit for.  I hope that these next 2 weeks I can just focus on taking better care of myself and then just roll the dice on June 14th without any expectations and see what happens.  I do not have a problem just enjoying the ride and getting my BQ if that seems like the best choice for my body.  I apologize for the emotional blogging and lack of positivity lately!

8 miles on murdock with Julia, 8:13 pace.  Summer running is the best! :):)

PM:  10 min jog to the store to get groceries.  Walked home

8.5 with Amber and Melissa in the orchards.  4 mile tempo 6:28, 6:21, 6:20, 6:15.  Felt okay today, not great but much better than last week.  Taper time!

7 mi recovery run on SF river trail with my sister and Julia, 8:48 pace.  Mack and Josse sighting!

7 miles on SF river trail with Melissa, 8:03 pace.

5.5 with AmberD from my house, 7:43 pace.

AM #1:  9.5 in the orchards with Mack, Aubs, and Mack's brother Josh.  3 miles fast 6:01, 6:10, 6:06.  Since I was too lazy to race a 5k I wanted 5kish effort....I felt like throwing up and crying by the end so that effort was there.

AM #2:  Met my sister for the last part of her last LR before her half.  We did 3.5 super slow, she has been sick and struggled breathing for a month now.  I talked her into going to the doctor.  My Mom works at a clinic and she has insurance so I dragged her there.  She has a pretty awful sinus infection and they put her on antiobiotics and a respirator.  Apparently being stubborn runs in the family.  Now I do feel kind of bad for being so mean to her during the 10k!

5 miles on murdock, 7:55 pace.

5 miles with a very large group of ladies, 7:36.  Rebecca was kind enough to run me back after 2 miles since I was running late for work.  Running time is so much more efficient in the small city with no street lights.

PM:  Jogged to subway. :) 1 mile

6.5 on the UVM course with Julia, AmberD, and Melissa.  2 mile tempo 6:28, 6:08.  Time to lock myself in a rubber room....errr something.

4.5 miles easy with AmberD, 8:10 pace.

3.5 miles really easy on SF river trail with my Sister, AmberD, Melissa, & Julia, 8:39 pace.  

2.5 mi with a few strides, 7:46 pace.  Felt like crap...pretty typical but the no "pop" worries me just a bit.  I've got friends here from Minnesota, Nebraska, and Kansas and my parents are partiers so we jumped around way too much last night in the Wardle family races.  I did beat my Dad in the foot race but my 4 year old nephew kicked my butt in the potatoe sack (pillow case sack) race.

I have no set goals for the marathon tomorrow besides finishing and doing my best that my body has to offer.  To be completely honest I've basically sucked at running all year.  Which is fine, I had a good year last year and had kind of chalked it up to just a down year.  I can accept a crappy year if it is because I'm not putting in the work...but I was putting in the work and still missing the mark.  I know my body fairly well and could tell something was just off.  I wasn't recovering from workouts, felt winded all the time, and felt constant fatigue.  So I finally made a doctors apt with my chief diagnosis of "I'm not running well".  haha!  My doctor ordered labs and then basically sat me down and was completely blunt and honest with me.  Having been to the doctor twice before for my ongoing amenorrhea and told it was just normal and I shouldn't really be concened I definitely dig honesty.  My labs weren't perfect...my hormones are all low (shocker!) and my iron levels are not off the charts but lower than they should be for someone whos runs as much as me.  But the bottom line is the amenorrhea is probably catching up to me and hence the fatigue and not recovering well from workouts.  There is really no more denial or sugar coating it but sometimes facing our realities really kind of freaking sucks.  You can only outsmart genetics, and burn the candle at both ends for so long I guess and my body is trying to tell me it’s sick of pushing so hard I think.  To be clear I am not even 5"2 and weigh 112 pounds...my BMI is completely normal by any standards.  But apparently my body really really likes fat..aren't I lucky.:)  Sure I can argue that it's not fair.  It's not.  But it is what it is.  I've dealt with Amenorrhea basically the past 9 years with maybe 2-3 years in there where I had periods (that were not BC induced) and I'm incredibly fortunate that my dexa scan came back pretty close to normal.  So there you have it my dear diary entrance of the month...your welcome!

I'm still running the marathon because I'm stubborn, arguably stupid and its tradition.  I'll still do my best, but I'm taking the pressure off and I'm completely content with whatever happens. I need to listen to my body and I'm pretty bad at that so hopefully I'm not willing to put myself through as much pain as I did last year.  Also for the record I completely understand how serious what I'm dealing with is and how open to criticism sharing this information could be.  But I also think it's something that a lot of female runners deal with and don't talk about.  So I'm taking a risk and being honest on a public website.  I have no idea what I'm thinking!

Good luck tomorrow everyone!  I cannot wait to see some familiar faces.  UVM #4:  Here we go!

I absolutely love UVM!  This marathon makes me happy, happy, happy.:)  I knew going into the race that:

A:  My race performance has kind of sucked all year.

B:  My feet are worse than ever.  Really I need to deal with these mortons neuromas or quit marathoning.

C:  My Amenorrhea/fatigue/low iron & hormone levels have been effecting me.

That said I am completely okay with the way I responded to my body throughout the race and my time of 3:08.  Sure most people would look at that time as disappointing and a setback for me but I had accepted the scenario before the race even started so it wasn't too hard for me to swallow.  I'm proud of myself for not being stupid and running through the pain I normally would.  The beauty of it all is that I was able to walk after the race which was so not the case in 2013.  My only regret is not just starting in my Altra Olympus shoes.  It was really quite dumb of me to think I could wear the Virata as bad as my feet have been this year.

Drove up to the start with Rebecca, Josse, and Janae.  Laughed my butt off on the ride up.  Josse couldn't believe I was just eating a stale slice of kneaders bread for breakfast that I stole the night before from dinner.:)  Next I attempted to calm Rebecca down by giving her a heartfelt heart to heart about running and told her don't worry time on the clock is monetary (meant to say arbitrary) and that had us all laughing so hard I don't think we'll ever forget it.  Onto the race!

Mile 1:  6:33  Started out a little behind Rebecca & Josse

Mile 2:  6:38  Huh, I guess I'm going to run 26 miles today.  That's probably going to be kind of awful.

Mile 3:  6:43

Mile 4:  6:41  The writing on the roads in Wallsburg were really funny.  "Get out of our town",  "We didn't want you here anyway."  All I was thinking is I wish I could hide in one of the pretty red barns and stay.

Mile 5:  6:43 Trying to run on the gravel on the left side of the road because my feet are already hurting.  huh

Mile 6:  6:46  I'm kind of bored...I guess maybe I'll eat a GU.  Citrus flavor...it made me really crave a pina colada slurpee.

Mile 7:  6:44 "Sally the camel has 3 humps, you got this!"

Mile 8:  7:05 "Sally the camel has 2 humps."

Mile 9:  7:11 "Sally the camel has 1 hump."  Hi Steve!  Nice surprise to see Steve at the aid station and stopped singing for a moment to run over and high five him.

Mile 10:  6:40 "Everything is awesome!"  Lego movie...."Everything is awesome!"  I bet I am going to totally PR today.  Oh wait.....the downhill absolutely killed my feet.  Ouchie Momma....maybe I'm totally going to die today.  huh

Mile 11:  6:37  Oh yeah the feet really hurt.  Don't touch the pavement, don't touch the pavement.  "F" bomb!  ScottC bike miles...got a few sips of water.

Mile 12:  6:58  Ran into Seth.  Chatted with him this whole mile and told him there was just no way I was keeping up.  My plan was to stop at the halfway point and wait for Melissa.  I didn't think she would be too far behind and couldn't fathom the thought of running alone with this pain.

Mile 13:  6:56  Gosh I feel kind of awesome, so much better than last year.  I'm barely breathing or sweating but my feet are in so much pain I'm pretty sure if I move any faster they are going to light on fire.

Mile 14:  7:14  I need to really slow down if I'm ever going to finish this race with two feet attached.  Scott caught me on the bike and I handed him my bag of pills.  Can you please dig out my Ibuprofen 800....2 salt pills, 1 caffeine pill.  I forgot to pack the ibuprofen 800.  Damnm it!

Mile 15:  7:21 Running on the outsides of my shoes.

Mile 16:  7:51  Steve was at the aid station and I told him I needed him to drive to his house and bring me my Olympus as fast as humanely possible.  So thankful he was there. No longer racing....just jog it on in at get your BQ Rachelle.  Saw Aubrey Running up she told me "You look great".  Yes!  At least my hair was still in place.

Mile 17:  8:23 Tears!  Complete melt down.  Jogging hurts so bad...crying while running is so hard I guess I'll just walk.  When I walk my feet hurt more and it does not help.  Walking, crying wow complete and utter melt down.  You are supposed to be an elite runner and you are walking and crying really?  I mean really?  I am assuming the headwind effected me here as well but to be completely honest I was so consumed with my feet I didn't notice it.  I also quit drinking, fueling, and doing anything right really.  I thought I was the worst runner in the century of ever and I was probably going to take last place in the race. only semi-dramatic...:)  Saw Mack running up and asked her where my lortab was.

Mile 18:  7:30 Where's Cam?  :(!

Mile 19:  7:15  Amber found me on the bike.  I immediately asked her for a ibuprofen 800 and a gun...  She handed me a salt pill....I need a ibuprofen 800...she handed me another salt pill....finally she found the ibuprofen in the fanny pack.

Mile 20:  7:48 More crying more walking.  Crying and running is really tough you guys!  Saw Janice at this mile.

Mile 21:  7:46  Stopped at the aid station to hug my Mom and tell her I was completely fine.  Really physically I was fine I just could not push through the pain my feet were in.  My parents do not care what time I run but my running causes them anxiety because they know I normally have no fear.  I needed them both to understand that I was okay I just couldn't race through the foot pain.

Mile 22:  7:41  Shoe change.  Hallelujah!  I wanted to chuck both of my Virata's at that girl that had passed me but I refrained.

Mile 23:  7:28  Finally drank something for the first time since mile 11.  I told Amber to tell me a story.....Amber:  "Yesterday I ran 1 mile from my house and you know what?  Me:  What?  Amber:  1 mile is so dang far...it was so hard!"  Me:  Awesome because I still have 3 left...don't you have any better stories?  Amber:  Oh....I think they have creamies at the finish!

Mile 24:  7:24 Nothing exciting...just planning my nephews Dinosaur birthday party.

Mile 25:  7:13  Wanted to stop at 7-11 for my slurpee but Amber told me I needed to finish.  This mile really is gradually downhill.

Mile 26:  6:56  I want to take my shoes off.  "Keep fighting, don't give up, never give up."  Yo Gabba Gabba

.4:  6:30  Pretty elated to be done....threw my hands in the air with my timing chip in them.

Since I had to take my timing chip off with the shoe change I ran with it in my hand.  For the chip to register at the finish line it needs to be within one foot of the mat.  So I spent the next 15 minutes working with the timing company to make sure my time was registered.  They were actually really nice and got me in the system just fine.  I did not really care to have my time recorded but I did really need my BQ.  Heaven forbid I run another marathon to get that.

Ripped my shoes off and my feet cramped up pretty bad but not nearly as bad as last year.  Hopped on Amber's bike and road back to my friends that were finishing the marathon.  I was not upset about my race but I just needed to get out of there and I really enjoyed riding in with my friend Lindsay and seeing Jen, Timothy and others out on the course.  Probably my favorite part of the day.  And at last I did finally get that creamy!:)

Trails!  I just needed to be in the mountains.  hike, walk, jog

3 miles no watch on SF river trail.

7 with Amber & Melissa on the SF river trail.

6 with Jen, Josse, Mack, AmberD, Beth, and my sister.  8:30 pace.

9.5 with Jen, Amber, Melissa, Dawn and my sister, 8 something pace.

Love my friends x a million.  Sent Jen off to MN and wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how excited I am for her.

7 with Amber & Mack.  My watch was dead.

I can't believe Jen is racing tomorrow.....STOKE is incredibly high!!

Running AF Canyon half with my sister tomorrow.  It is her first half marathon.

I need to toot my sisters horn a little bit because she is the most humble, selfless person I know and she completely rocked her first half marathon!

I finally talked my sister Amber into taking the plunge and running a half marathon.  I'm 100% sure I was WAY more excited about this endeavor than she was.  There is something kind of awesome about seeing someone accomplish something they truly didn't believe they were capable of.  And when you love running as much as I do it is also just great to convince someone else in the family to join in on the chaos.  For all the years Amber has supported my running, driven all over the state to watch me, and woken up at the butt crack of dawn to bike by my side...she most definitely deserved to do something for her!  She truly has sacrificed A LOT to support me and she has never once complained.  Cheesy as it may sound Amber is without a doubt my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.  She has been a major blessing in my life this year as I have literally leaned on her daily.

Amber's Running/Training Background (let's just go with some bullet points here):

• She absolutely refuses to wear a watch.  I even gave her one and haven't seen her wear it once.
• Her mileage peaked at 20 miles per week.
• She did one 10 mile run about 5-6 weeks out from the race.  She loved it but shortly after she got really sick and ended up having an awful respiratory illness that completely wiped her out.
• She wears sweatpants and T-shirts from HS to run in.  I somehow convinced her to wear an actual pair of running shorts on Saturday!
• She always tells me "I'm not a real runner."
• She is competitive and the mentally toughest person I know.

Pre-Race:  Rode up to the start on the busses with AmberD.  My sister seemed fairly calm considering it was her first half marathon until I mentioned that we would have to run to get back down from where we were driving.  Haha I probably didn't need to mention that but it was funny to see her face.  We did the normal pre-race routine and then lined up behind the 1:50 pacer.  Amber had no real goals beyond finishing.

Splits:  8:15, 8:27, 8:14, 8:09, 7:53, 7:50, 8:09, 8:20, 8:24, 8:14, 8:19 (what hill?), 8:16, 7:46

Finish Time:  1:47:20

Race:  We started out behind the 1:50 pacer and remained there until mile 4.  Amber's breathing was low and we were just chatting like a normal run. I really just wanted to try and keep her calm.  We laughed about people we ran past and made bets about whether or not her husband would make it to the finish.  I did absolutely nothing for her beyond being by her side...in fact she probably could have ran faster had I not been talking her ear off.

We passed the 1:50 pacer and sped up a bit the next 3 miles out of the canyon based on effort.  Our race strategy that we kind of talked about was that I would run right by her side until mile 8 and then I would run right in front of her and all she would need to do was follow me.  Together we also came up with dedication miles for the last 4 miles of the race.  Out of the canyon I told her she needed to drink but she was so excited about the fan fair that she flew past the aid station.  I chased after her with a full cup of gatorade but she was going so fast and I was spilling so much gatorade that I finally gave up.  Crap I was worried about her hydration.  I talked her into trying a GU on the golf course and I think she nearly puked "how do you guys eat that crap..it is disgusting!"  At mile 9 I made sure she walked for a bit and got fluids in her.  She was not even slowing at all out of the canyon but I knew that the next 4 miles would be the toughest.

The next 4 miles were what proved to me that my sister is indeed the toughest person I know.  She was in pain but she held it together like a champ.  I literally could not believe it.  Who maintains there pace in a downhill race....in there first half marathon?  I kept expecting her to slow but she just kept fighting.  I warned her all day about the big hill in mile 10 and reminded her that is was okay to slow down but to focus and not stop.  She flew past me on the hill and I was the one trying to keep up.  So much for my pep talk...ha!  The last 2 miles of the race were hard for Amber but she never once complained and never slowed down.  Mile 12 was dedicated to her daughter Vara and I sang Katy Perry "Baby you’re a firework" out loud the entire mile.  It is her Vara's favorite song and I also knew it would probably annoy her enough to move fast.  I guess it worked.  My apologies for those around us.  The last mile we dedicated to Trevor and it was Amber's fastest mile of the race!  I'll admit I was pretty mean to her during this mile but she responded and fought hard for every single step.  I do not have a split for her last .1 because I tried to run up a head and get a picture.  She must have been moving fast because all I ended up with was a picture of her back.

Words do not even do justice how proud of my sister I am.  I've always known she was stubborn and tough but she took this to an entirely new level on Saturday.  She was overwhelmed with emotion at the finish.  I really don't think she realized she could actually do this.

Amber you are a "real runner".  A real good one!  I hope breaking this barrier can help my sister to realize that she is not the only runner in the family.  I'm incredibly thankful I was able to share this opportunity with her and am already planning her first marathon. ;)

7 miles in Payson at noon.  It was hot and I got some sweet tan lines.:)

8 mile orchard loop with Amber, 7:51 pace.  I think we walked x 3.  We were both tired but misery does love company.

9.5 looping X 3 around the SF River Trail with Melissa, AmberD, sister Amber, & Dawn, 8 min pace.  Beautiful sunrise!  Love Summer running, love my friends, love not running fast.

Day #1:  Starting a new weight lifting plan with Scott, Melissa, and AmberD M/W/F for 45 min sessions.  The early mornings may kill me but I'm super excited and so grateful that Melissa and Scott are willing to take Amber and I through this.  They both started this program in the beginning of 2014 and Melissa has improved her race times significantly in every single distance.  Beyond that they both look awesome and so incredibly fit!  I desperately need to take some extended time off of racing (likely the remainder of 2014) and gaining muscle and finding a new hobby will hopefully fit the bill.  I'm really looking forward to it.  I can't cold turkey quit running...I'm an addict!  But I am hoping to cutback a bit and cut out any sort of workouts.  Hopefully this will help me move in the right direction with reversing my Amenorrhea.

I will race Speedy Spaniard and Payson Onion Days because they are tradition.  But I don't really plan on doing any workouts for them.  Other than that I will be pacing for RYR pacers at Hobbler, Timp, and Nebo half marathons and spending the rest of my time and energy really engaging in this awful feet issue.  I cannot race a half or a full at my optimum potential until I figure it out.

Saga of my life. :):)

6.5 miles with Amber after lifting, 8:30 pace.

9 miles in Provo Canyon with Melissa and AmberD, 8:08 pace.  I made us stop for water 3 times (Kneaders not only offers free samples but quite likely the most amazing free water ever). Melissa got a migraine halfway through and ran the entire second half with her eyes closed...it was impressive.  Amber looked cute as always.  Exciting running day!

This article from running times is good.

Did you see Extreme Weight Loss this week?

Happy Thursday!  Your welcome for the reading material if you work an office job and wish you were at the pool sipping on a pina colada.

Day 2 of turning myself into the hulk.  Legs day...loved it!

6 mile run from the gym in SF with amber & amber, 8:36 pace.

14 miles on the Hobble Creek course with Amber and Amber, 7:58 pace.  AmberD and I did a 3 mile tempo 6:49, 6:46, 6:27.  My sister Amber was so mad because I told her we were only doing 10 miles.  haha she survived!

7 miles easy but it didn't feel easy, 8:05 pace.  I was feeling the leg workout from Friday.  Love the fatigue feeling from weights.

Day #3 of weights.  Go me!  The 5:30 start time really isn't too bad once I wake up.  Today was tri's, bi's, and core.

8 miles with AmberD on the Speedy Spaniard course backwards, 7:48 pace.