Big L bigger Q (that's right I am a big loser and quitter!!!). I can't even fix this font!!! Man alive I hope this is the bottom before just before I get to the top!!! I should have realized the signs (entry from yesterday tells it all, the ace bandages and massive fatigue). I got up at 5am thinking I would go out at my usual time but it was even darker and colder so I thought I would wait for my kids to go to school. So I packed their lunches and sent them on their way at 8am. Got out the door a little past 8 and ran to my first "road block" on the way to the track. I had to take a "detour" to run around all the digging going on by the AF hospital. First hint. Then when I got to the track my disappointment turned more sour-- CHEERLEADERS (about 25 of them) practicing on the field in the middle with their two instructors standing ON the track conducting them. FLIP OUT. I already have anxiety about running fast on the track but to have 27 women staring at me???? I was super self concious and it shows in my super way off first lap split-- 1:28:86!!! Like HELL-OOOOO way too fast!! this only made me more anxious and by the 10th lap I lost it when I had been looking at my splits and then saw overall time of 16 minutes flat with two laps to go. There was just NO way on this green earth I was going to run a 3:00 minute 800 right now even though my first 800 was 3:01:97 (this would get me the 19 minutes I wanted). It was a quick math check and my mind and body caught on extremely quick and I stopped dead in my tracks on the track 15 seconds into the 11 th lap (QUITTER). I was super depressed at myself but every passing lap in front of the cheerleaders was getting to me and so was the high fat costco apple strudel muffin I ate at the end of my shift yesterday (you all know the ones, super yummy and super stay in your gut for several days feeling). My legs weren't particularly fatigued, but they felt weak, I felt super anxious-- - how I got at mile 16 at SG and saw my plummeting splits and panicked and "lost" the race. I am feeling like such a loser. But as penance I got back to the starting line within a minute and ran my last two laps with the added 15+ seconds on my watch and ended up coming in at 19:18 (minus the 15 secondms = 19:03!!!!!) I finished the last two laps in 3:03:41. I would have been faster but midway thru I looked at my watch for the total time for the time trial and was like "oh my I am not even going to beat my time from two weeks ago" so I started slowing then I remembered the extra 15 seconds from going over 10 laps before restarting my watch(I didn't reset my watch) and was like "silly Julie" you are so mathmatical, run girl!!!". I am sure it would have been 3:00 straight up. Okay---so I felt very sorry for myself-- going out too fast and bombing the second mile then totally quitting and then trying to go fast again after stopping, I felt like I had lead for legs. I was so angry after sittting and contemplating my fitness for about 15 minutes that I got up and ran 2 x200 meters in 41 and 42 seconds each. I think I have a little touch of the flu. The kid that came in last night to work was very ill with serious diarhea and try as we did to keep things clean he was going every where!!! Poor kid. You know that weak feeling you get when you feel flu-like? The achy joints and impending doom feeling last night should have been a give away. Splits are dismal-- 1:28:86 (what am I running the mile repeat????), 1:33:11, 1:35:11 (where I needed to stay at), 1:36:22 (first mile 6:13:30!!! 7 seconds too fast!!), 1:36:19, 1:36:48, 1:37:67 (anxiety mounting), 1:39:35 (what the heck?? 2 mile split 12:42:99 (easy math here and I am thinking I could get this, 6:21 pace-- hmmmm all I need is a 6:20 last mile....if ONLY), 1:38, 1:39:13 (freak out!! it is here that I see 16:00:12 for 2.5 miles and do my quick math and tell my body NO!!!) TOTAL LOSER!! I regret it fully now but my mind and body worked quickly against my spirit that I didn't have time to spit at them!! But I am taking my 19:03 anyway I can get it right now. I must lift myself up from the bottom and climb to the top. I am never again running a time trial with cheerleaders on the field.