Go, you chicken fat, go away!

Where is the bikini babe kneeling beside you?

She's in my bell-ay!

NO, you have the best blog;)

It is pretty good, huh?

You can do it Burt!

Thanks Julie! I'm gonna go do it!

Burt, what is up with the 1.6 miles? Are you coming back from injury or what? I would suggest you become a super hero this year, shed the drab and get some super hero duds.

I hear you, Burt, I've got 10 lbs of holiday in me - that picture is exactly how I felt like today... good job on the 1.61!

Brent - Yep. I had injuries for the better part of last year. But I think not running didn't help. I should have powered through them.

Claudio - I've got over double the holiday pounds that you got. Time for a crash diet.

Hey, Burt. It looks like your ready to rock the casbah in 2013!

Jabba- you ate Burt and made his face into a flesh mask? Cough him up and give him back!

Huh, and I thought it was a Burt body with a Jabba the Hut mask. I mean, I would recognize that tail anywhere.

Daniel - Consider the casbah rocked. And oh yeah, the sharif don't like it.

QP - I've just been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach. That's one of a hundred memories I don't want.

Joe - quit looking at my tail.

You could be my twin.

Dale - are you a D cup, too?

I was last week. Now I'm a DD.

Easy on the milage Burt, I've heard you should only increase abot 10% at a time.

Good job and cool shoes. I once hurt my back sledding. Bummer.

IJR - you're killing me today. You're posting what I think. I was thinking to myself that this is way more than a 10% increase, but I convinced myself that that rule doesn't apply to anything under 3 miles :)

Dale - we're not as young as we used to be.

Nice shoes. I ordered up myself a new pair of shoes the other days. I'm anxiously awaiting them.

Now we'll all be anxiously awaiting them Rhett. :)

I think the rule only changes for special people :-)

40 degrees sounds pretty warm to me.

Tracy - I wore shorts, but still. Stinkin' cold.

Yeah, those shoes are flashy and all, but they don't match any of your running outfits.

Duh Scott! That's why I run naked in them!

Burt,

Hi. Nice miles. Looking forward to hearing about your next 3.3 mile run!

3.4, so I can beat Tracy.

Was in the 40's when I ran today too. Shorts and a l/s shirt were perfect!

Suck it up, Burt.

KP...wha...??? Where did you come from?

left califirnia and it was 60. got to cache valley and it was minus 8. something wrong here...

I like em'! Good job with 3 today.

Yes there's something wrong there Scott. You don't know how to spell California!

Tara - You really like 'em? Ok, you can have them.

Take care of that back! You're not 16 any more.

You don't need to remind me RAB. The incontinence is reminder enough.

Thanks for the info...

Hope you get to feeling better soon Burt.Happy New Year to you and your family!!

Rye - with your gift of discernment, I can't keep any info from you anyway.

Mike - Thanks! See you around!

I guess I'm not the only one that plays the "good morning" game.

Ever play the high five game? That's a fun one.

I can about imagine the funny looks. It's now on my list to try.

Good morning and Happy New Year Burty!

Hi Steamer! Have fun with the Bieber tonight.

Hope Emily feels better soon.

In Oklahoma if you try to play the high-five game, people get out their guns.

Joe - then you certainly don't want to play the 'good game' game.

How could I not have fun singing to the Biebs tonight? I am SUPER excited! :)

that game might be ok. 2 things come out of oklahoma, you know.

Steam - he has great lyrics.

Joe - uh, no I don't know.

just as well...it was a lame joke even if you got the reference

Good job, Burt

Thanks Dale. Hopefully it will all come back to me.

Same here. I can't believe I let myself get so heavy and out of shape. It feels good to start workout and running again.

You're on a running roll. Which is better than being a Jabba roll. Good work.

But not quite as good as being on a jelly roll.

Glad to see you back at it Burt! No excuses and even taking your hottie wife out on a date.

Oh, and if it makes any difference to you...I wear inspires too!

You just went up a notch in my book RAD. Now you're at notch one.

woo hoo! only 9 more notches to go :)

fry an egg? hmm, nice alarm wake up!

You'll be able to use it with your new iphone.

Mmmmmmm. Eggggs.

You working during the day now?

Yes I am Steve. 8 to 5. Same company. Different position.

Well, laziness is pretty fun at least.

Oh shoot. I called Steve, Steve. That's Dr. Piccolo to you!

Tracy - Hush. I'm trying to get out the door right now to go for another run. How many miles do you have so far this year? Am I beating you?

My smartphone can run for me.

Yeah Joe, but you pirated that software. Did you ever think about all the viruses you'd get?

I don't really have a smartphone. But it does text messaging. Pretty cool, huh?

Do you have a pager?

Yeah - beep me if you're ever in Oklahoma. Or send me an IM on the information superhighway.

Those are good rules, I guess. oh and you're not fat, you're stumpy. That's what I told my sister once to make her feel good. She still never lets me live it down.

My friend's father called her husky. Now I do. I probably shouldn't.

my euphemism of choice is "jolly"

by the way: http://goo.gl/4ooRO

oh, and my dad used to call one of my sisters "large child". she didn't like it.

let's make a deal: put me on your list.

That's one jolly, husky, stumpy kid on a skateboard.

And that sounds like a great deal.

If you were running while you were pushing the car, that should translate into at least 1 extra mile.

I could use an extra mile to catch up with you on yearly mileage.

Burt,

Were you injured for a while there? Are you recovered? Glad to see you got three in today...You have got to knock out a five miler if you are recovered! Be well.

Yes PRE. I had some bulging discs. In my back.

Bulging discs are no bueno Burt. Keep running tho.

No bueno? Can someone translate that?

don't beans.

That may have been the underlying cause of the bulging.

Go Burt, go Burt, go, go, go Burt.

Try to go for a run, think it's a good idea to help someone & end up on the wrong side of the road. Story of my life.

Except mine involves pirate ships, broken bikes, and the wrong side of the law.

I'm just glad you made it home without shaming that poor boy on the skateboard.

Stocky.

Way to get out there Burt.

Thanks Julie. I'm going to try and run 5 miles tonight. Wish me luck!

Good job Burt.

You have some catching up to do. A five mile run will help.

Thanks DaleG!

Tracy - or maybe you could stop and let me catch up :)

Bien hecho. 57 hours! Are there even that many hours in a week?

Not on the Mayan calendar.

There's an Inca guy in our ward. I asked him about his calendar and he didn't seem to know what I was talking about.

I feel bad for you. 42 is SO cold. Heck, you might want to NOT run until it is over 60 again, cold weather running, I've been told, is VERY bad for your health. Maybe you should get an electric blanket so that you can stop the shivering.

But, congrats either way on getting those five done!

Burt,

Congrats on the 5.42 miles. I hope you can keep that up!

Thanks for feeling my pain RAD.

PRE - I hope so, but I did get a fever last night. I'm feeling better this morning except for a sore throat.

Wow, not just 5 miles, but 5.42 miles! You're the man. Seriously this time.

Don't toy with me Tracy.

Hope you're feeling better after running in those horrendous conditions. You must have run your loop backwards again.

I think you're right. I feel like absolute crud right now.

I would run in shorts and short sleeves in 42 degrees too.

You'd do it in 42 below!

rule #1: always shower FIRST THING, otherwise you will start shaking uncontrollably (or in my case -- white, lifeless fingers). in the event that you can't shower immediately (for example, you have to drive home), remove your sweaty clothes immediately. i do this 3-4 times per week. my windows aren't tinted.

It's a wonder Utah hasn't kicked you out yet.

gah, i got pulled over on my way home and i had to "step outside of the vehicle" in my post-running attire. at least i was still wearing my boots.

it will probably be on the news, so...

DVR is ready.

Nice job on the 5 miler, Burt.

RAD must have forgotten you don't need a heated blanket when you're part man, part wookie. And as long as you've got your Chewbacca belt on, you can rest assured there won't be any troubles with the law when you get pulled over for speeding. "This is not the wookie you're looking for."

Jealous of my hairy chest much?

No, but thanks for asking. I have my own.

I have a picture of burt and his hairy chest. Oh yes, yes I do!

I have a picture of Lily and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Oh yes, yes I do!

I have a picture of a hairy, dead opossum named Jerry. Oh yes, yes I do.

Burt,

If you are feeling well, you are due for a run. Hope you get out for one. A nice easy six miler!

PRE,

I have been sick this last week. Thanks.

Love,

Burt

Good job, Burt. I'm proud of you.

Don't make me cry Dale.

This is more serious running than I expected from you. Now I'll have to consider one upping you tomorrow.

Hmmm...I think that was a compliment, Tracy. Was it?

Burt,

8.21 miles - Excellent! If this means you are feeling better, glad to hear it. I wish I lived that close to work. I would be running home from work frequently if that were the case.

I don't even know anymore.

PRE - ride your bike. Also, sorry about all the bad stuff that happened in your state.

Burt,

Hi. Thanks for the comment about Sandy Hook. I think about that every day. And probably would no matter where that happened. Be well. Talk to you soon.

Just put stains all over the rest of the tan shirt so it looks like a pattern.

Burt - I for one thought your "islands in South Dakota" comment over on Jake's blog was funny.

You are a genius Joe.

Thanks Rob! I'll never comment on that guy's blog again. I've been in such a deep state of depression.

If it would have rained on your way to work like it was supposed to, then you might have been able to wash those stains out of your shirt while you rode to work. Next time, pack a little spray and wash with your clothes.

A pirate with some helpful laundry hints. Nice.

Always a pleasure- because when it comes to laundry stains, Quiet just won't cut the grease.

I've been toying around with the idea of having a clown come to my son's circus theme party. Are you available?

Burt, are you doing the full Phoenix marathon? With only 32 miles run this month, I hope not.

Tara - I'm always available to scare children.

Rhett - I have had setback after setback, but I am signed up for the full. I've got a month to train. LOL!

please.

I think Oprah wrote it.

Scary. Even scarier. Scariest of them all.

I knew I was doing things backwards...I used special winter balm on my eyes and boric acid on my lips.

omg, joe. call poison control.

I can't see the numbers on my telephone.

switch it to braille format. press *46 and then wait for the prompt. i'm here to e-walk you through this.

Too late - I injested to much boric acid...getting sleepy....

Oh Joe. The tingling in the cornea should have been your first clue.

What if I put the boric acid on my beard?

Put it on your hairy chest.

Aarrrrgghhh....should'a known! Now I'll have to send back my Nad's hair removal kit.

Put it on Burt's tab.

Let's turn those lyrics into a rap. A mormon rap.

You might say I'm a good little...sunbeam!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA ALLIE! Your response has me up in giggley wigglies over here. Here being the North Pole.

Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam, but Mother Nature won't supply the Vit D

people in the plaaaaace

put your hands in the aiiiiirrr

jesus wants sunbeaaaaaams

and mother nature don't caaaaaare

Wow. That turned really wrong, really fast. Easy on the blasphemy there girls.

Whateryoutalkingaboutburp?

Boom Lily! You just got chastised!

omg! I never knew mormons were so cool!

We're totally cool. We rap. We shine our shoes. We stack chairs.

Okay, this one was a good one to read, especially the comments!

It's funny you should bring up an ice beard because the other day I noticed increased hair on my upper lip! This happened right after I mistakenly put engine oil instead of mayonnaise on my sandwitch. It just gets too confusing in the winter! Anyway, shortly after this my nose began to bleed. Obviously I was bleeding out so I sniffed a little boric acid solution to stop the bleeding. Well, it worked but created other issues. Somehow this all led up to a nice little ice beard. Although awkward, it certainly is a good conversation starter. What does any of this have to do with snow anyway? Oh well, happy running and good job tackling 5.42 miles Burt!

Um Tara. We know this about you already. We were making fun of you.

Tracyyyyy! no. oh no. to stop bleeding sniff cocaine. seriously, ask any ER doc. saves lives. on another topic, I have a blonde mustache. currently requires no intervention but my understanding is someday it will. I should learn more about the hair removal kits mentioned in this post.

Tracy? Don't you mean Kara?

Burt- Oh good, as long as we are all on the same page. I'm up there with Brittany Spears, any attention is good. I think Oprah would say the same thing. BTW, I somehow missed your post about hating Oprah and what the heck is Oprah's Uchs....did I spell that right? Highly doubtful, I know.

April- Just shave it off. I have to shave my entire face, back and chest daily now. That boric acid will mess you up. It has really made race day prep more challenging. I'm okay with hairy legs, but the rest is just...well...a manly curse! Glad to get this off my chest finally.

I get called worse things at work. I like Tracy!

wow. that turned really hairy, really fast. easy on the body hair there, girls.

kacy: i've been using a product for about 6.5 months to control body hair, and thus far it has been the best solution (hands down). i use regular palmolive dish soap -- unscented so that james doesn't catch on, but if you prefer zesty citrus, mountain rain, etc -- just know you have options.

this soap produces 3-4 times more suds per square inch, making body hair removal smooth and razor burn free.

alternatively, you could look into the new full-body track suits that nair just started selling (i wear-tested one three months ago). the fabric that touches your skin is coated in sticky wax, so when you take your clothes off after a run (do you do that?), it takes all the hair along with it.

this might be a good option for you since you mentioned the pre-race hassle. just wear a nair wax track suit to the start line and rip it off nonchalantly. you may want to bring a friend or licensed body cream practitioner to help put skin-soothing lotion on after you rip off the suit, but that can be arranged through the nair website.

you could also try amazon for more generic track suit brands -- probably cheaper.

good luck, torrie.

allie, terry and april - you are all missing the forest for the trees here. Body hair, in addition to providing warmth during a cold winter, vibrates in the wind while running and stimulates the muscles, increasing power and running economy. So my scientific recommendation is to let it grow out to 4-6 inches then maintain it at that length.

just to clarify, does that include upper lip hair? and would you recommend braiding it for race distances longer than 5k?

ESPECIALLY upper lip hair. Crimp it for a 5k, braid it for a marathon. It's all in my scholarly paper, published on Yahoo Answers.

Thank you everyone for this delightfully awesome blog episode. We're enjoying a dinner of fine-dining at our local scottish restaurant and laughing out loud at inappropriate noise levels as we read these comments over and over. We will be stopping by Wal-mart to buy a crimper for our training run tomorrow morning.

My husband just asked, "Did Allie really wear test one of those track suits." Lol. If so, I wonder if Nair makes a balaclava?

Also, just to clarify, this is Teressa (don't let the screen name above confuse you otherwise.) I also go by Kaci, Tracy, Kara, Terry and Torrie. Tara is just offensive.

You guys are silly. SILLY!!

Alcohol + running = disaster.

Good miles! Sorry about the road rage.

I'm glad a closet lush like you agrees. Oops. It's not in the closet anymore.

I drink much, much less than the average Midwestern Catholic. 1 drink every few months is about my tolerance level. That's abnormal for people in my circle.

So what's the name? I can tell you're dying to tell...

Thanks for clearing up that nasty rumor I was about to spread about you. I still reserve the right to start it again at a later date.

As for the name, if you're lucky, I'll text it to you. Do you feel lucky?

drinking while running sounds like the worst time to be had!

Ericka - I wouldn't know. I guess I'm more opposed to the drinking and driving thing. I've got a sister that lives with me who has brain damage due to her ex-husband drinking and driving. No bueno :(

wow, drinking in the van illegally, on the course, on the road, at night, with no sleep, tired from running, with runners/pedestrians/targets everywhere, and your road rage...what could go wrong? I don't know why you left that team.

Nice 7 miles though! Text me the name of your team too. My number is 911-1234.

Hold the phone "I scraped the ice off my windshield"?!? I didn't think you had ice down there.

Joe - I'll just call you.

Chad - It's a sign of the times.

Nice run McCumbo!

Thanks brotha! I was calling all the cyclists brotha today, too. Well, not the girls.

You da man!

I need ego boosters like that every day Tracy. Maybe twice a day.

Start running twice a day.

Good idea! I will!

I see all your snow has melted.

Yeah, I've decided I should be nicer to you. Or at least a little less hateful.

Rob - I'm not familiar with that word. Can you explain?

Tracy - what brought about this sudden change of heart? I KNOW it wasn't anything I did. ;o)

I guess it's because I have a girl now. Sugar and spice and all that nonsense.

That's refreshing. But I'm gonna miss all the noogies and swirlies you used to give me.

Maybe once a month I'll hang you in a bathroom stall by your tightie whities just for old time's sake.

LOL @Rob Murphy!

Best comment ever.

Any high fives for lady liberty yet?

Sadly, no Chad. I haven't seen any yet. But if it makes you feel any better, my son just got a job as a shirtless model at the mall.

Well he deserves a high five.

"Good on ya!"

Chad - how high? across the bridge of the nose? works for me.

Chad - Yes! That's #2!

Happy birthday to Emily.

Good job getting a few miles in. How's the fog in Mesa?

All clear now.

Burt,

But it was Faster! So that sounds good. Happy Birthday to Emily!

Happy birthday Emily! A day late!

What do you think they wanted you to get?

I'm not sure Tracy. I'm a little out of touch with the vernacular of today's youth.

That was me. I was watching you. I am always watching you.

Yeah? Well, you creeped me out. And I want my daughter's birthday ribbon back that you stole from me at IHOP.

It probably wasn't you. You can really be vain sometimes...sheesh!

I bet you think this blog is about you. Don't you?

Burt,

Hi. Awesome that you got 8 done today - and faster miles!! Looking like you are feeling better and running more frequently. Hope you are able to continue that. Do you have any races planned or being considered this year?

Are you sure it wasn't the magic fountain playing tricks on you? Nice commute run home, it sounds like you're rounding into shape. Punintended.

PRE - my next race is the Del Sol Ragnar relay. We need one more runner. Are you in?

ACorn - It's been a while since I've drunk from the MWF. Perhaps it was beckoning me.

Solid run McCumbo!

Sir, thank you, sir!

Burt,

Hi, Just looked up the Del Sol Ragnar relay. Sorry. No can do - in AZ and in two weeks! Hope you do well at that event. Out of curiosity, if you were not able to find another runner, would the organizer allow someone to run extra legs?

Yes PRE. That's happened to me twice. What we do is split the other legs up in between three other runners.

Possibly another route? One without pre-teens at pizza joints or magic fountains calling your name?

Pre-teens! Haha! Uh, yikes!

It's okay, Burt. I didn't think playing WWF with you would make me cry. Sometimes we overestimate our abilities.

Kam, you're a good player, and I have no doubt that eventually you'll beat me. I've just been real lucky playing you.

Of course I'm just saying that to build your confidence up so I can make you cry even harder.

You don't know what cold is!

Rye - I'm curious to know what happened to that Behrooz kid. Did he bleed out when they cut that tracker out of his head?

Baby.

I'm not a baby! Can a baby change it's own diaper? Huh?

How cold was it? 50? I feel sorry for you.

Oh wait! I forgot I was playing nice! Forget I said that.

50 is cold on a bike!

cry? come on. 50? please.

Thank you for using your polite words allie.

I'm feeling sorry for you dealing with that cold 50 degree weather as I sit here looking at the huge icicles hanging off my roof.

Hi Burt. Just checking in on your marathon training. Only 16 days away! Are you going to survive 26.2?

I don't think so Rhett. But I'm gonna try. Thanks for checking up.

Not tears of joy I'm guessing. Perhaps it was bike nectar.

Bike nectar? Yes, bike nectar!

Sorry about the foot. I'm sure you'll regroup and get back at it. Next year that marathon is yours!

Thanks for the encouraging words ACornDogelius. I think I avoided doing any serious damage to it. But if I can barely make it 10 miles, there's no way I can go another 16.

The "I've talked myself out of doing the marathon in two weeks" reminds me of my dad. Most people wouldn't even consider a marathon when they haven't run over 10 miles in months.

When my dad had terminal cancer I asked him what he was planning to do one week and he said, "Well, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to run the St. George Marathon on Saturday."

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He would have been 64.

Good job getting a good run in. Smart to walk and to drop out of the marathon. You'll be back Ragnar-ing it again in no time. BTW, when is that crazy race when you dress with with that team. I look forward to those posts too much. ha ha ha

Ragnar Del Sol in 2 days!

Whimp, Jack could do it.

Jack couldn't even break out of a Chinese prison!

Prolly a smart idea! I hope the foot is feeling good enough to run again soon!

That was a little too nice Tracy. I need a wedgie!

If it helps, I added the second sentence to nice it up a little. The first sentence is understatement.

Consider this a virtual swirlie.

Injuries suck, good luck getting back, darn, hard to miss a marathon

Burt,

Hi. Holy Cow! I knew you had a Ragnar Relay coming up...like around today (2/24/13). But I did not know you had a marathon planned for a week later! Sorry you had to cancel the Marathon. I forget the exact date of the Relay - did you do that? Or are you still doing that? Hope the foot is healing and you'll be back to running soon. Talk to you soon.

Brent - thanks.

PRE - The Ragnar relay was yesterday. A lot of fun. My knee barely held up.

Hmmmmmm correct me if I am wrong here. Didn't you just kinda start back running after a hiatus? What are you thinking Burt? Crazy. You gotta remember to build up home dog slice.

I forgot Lily. Home dog slice. Pfft! I haven't heard that since 1989.

My three-year-old and I have been saying, "home dog slice" all day today. Ha ha ha. Never heard the word slice on the end. Makes it that much better, 89' or not.

You were going to do the marathon? I'm sorry you got injured.

I'm gonna slice you Tara! (said while I apply lipstick to my lips) You and Lily have really been pickin' on me lately.

Melody - I'm not "as injured" now as I was before. With my back problems last year I never was able to get into a good training mode, despite my best and optimistic intentions.

Burt.... my youngest daughter Paige just saw your blog picture and said "Wait... what is that?" I told her that it was Burt with his face pasted on Yoda's head. She said... "Is he that small?" Kids are the best!

Pft! That ain't nothin'.

My daughter sees the picture and calls me a monster.

My kids liked the Burt picture that resembled Burt from Sesame Street. They thought that was so funny and talked about it for weeks.

That was a good one Julie. Here you go:

http://burt-mccumber.fastrunningblog.com/blog--I-m-trying-to-get-800-miles-on-my-ol/05-10-2011.html

Burt, that is probably a smart choice not doing the marathon. I was hoping to see you at the start though, maybe next year.

Rhett - I will be helping at the volunteer station at mile 7. So if you make it that far, I will see you then.

Burt, I better make it that far. I'll be looking for a high 5 and some energy from you.

I'm pretty sure Lady Liberty slipped you something in that high 5 that's created the plethora of problems you "ran" into. When you're back in running form, Nancy Kerrigan her/him next time you run by. Cause this is Murika!

I have quite the cartoon head! But I guess they say the camera triples your skull diameter...

They do say that. :)

Hilarious!

Nah Jake, you were just a little dehydrated.

Very nice Burt!

whoaz. you met everyone this weekend. great photos.

They're great pictures with great captions. Very funny - we're all giggling over here:)

I thought Jake ran in a Lion suite after I saw the second picture. Same size head.

Does Peters shirt say Jake on it?

I've always wanted to be a mascot (I'm not kidding!). I have the perfect head for it... the costume head wouldn't even bobble around on me.

Peter's shirt does say Team Jake.

Fundraising group:

http://1man1mission.org/team-jake/

Peter is a really good guy.

Did you notice you USED to be ahead of me on miles for the year but now... your not? Just sayin! :)

Actually, I'm just behind on blogging. I've got a buttload of more miles that I haven't entered in yet.

Love the pics! fun!!

ahaha! awesome pics Burt. thanks for posting.

Me too!!! May the best wo"man" win! :)

Awesome pics!

Jake's head sure got big after winning that marathon. Wow!

That would have been a fun race to watch.

With all that running going on you didn't even do a little bit? .1 maybe?

Tara - his head isn't as big as my belly.

Julie - I did do a little bit of running. Probably 0.25 miles. But I haven't even written my Ragnar report. Such a lazy blogger.

No!

No what? No you don't think? Go take a shower Dirty Bob!

Other way around. I know plenty of clean crazies.

Interesting. Any that live in your immediate household?

My kids are all filthy. I take a shower every time I have to interact with real humans

If you wanted to impress the high school kid, you should've said, "Look, no training wheels!"

Ok, I'm gonna go take a shower now, see ya later.

Yes! I'm totally going to say that today!

I just saw a guy jogging with a Sony discman, Wack job!

I'm pretty sure I have an iPod hiding under one of my car seats. Maybe I should give it to him. Hope he likes Black Sabath.

I'm amused.

I'm pretty sure he was listening to his scratched up Black Sabbath CD.

Ha ha ha! Also, you were summoned on fb. Your services were requested.

Who requested my services? I don't have any services.

Ha! That's terrific.

Thanks Matt. I try to be a little more terrific every day.

I bid your visit on my comment post. I even "Burt McCumber-ed" you. Ryan was breaking all sorts of grammar rules. It's over now. You lost your turn.

What a shame, really. I love putting bishops in their place.

So cool to be spotlighted! Way to go Julie! How did you find that? Do you stalk her? I might start.

I'm so glad you're a bigger stalker than me. Let me rephrase that. You're more of a stalker than I.

Gotta love a good ride. I'm sure those kids will find you some training wheels soon :)

Yes, yes I am. I gotta go, my latest victim is on the move.

Were the boys wearing overalls and chewing on hay? Where's the fishing hole near your house?

Yes Tracy. They were. And why do you want to know? Are you going to poison it?

Remember, I'm nice now.

The next time this hayseed comes to AZ, now I know I can bring my fishing pole.

I forgot. And I was just mean to you on your blog.

When did you grow up so fast? (sniff)

I'm growing out so fast.

Thanks for spreading my ever so small claim to fame.

Your next claim to fame will be Spartan champion.

I hope so.

Nice ride! Thanks for not posting a pic of your crispy legs :)

I'll send you a private picture.

Nice miles today. I think you need to do a tri now that you've had dreams about them.

Sounds like a wet dream to me.

Ericka - That's how you interpret the dream where I was drowning? I should do a tri? Um, no.

Ben!!!!

Totally normal to have near death experiences in your dreams. Real life, you're good :0)

Nice psychoanalyzation.

Sunscreen is overrated. Who doesn't love red/peeling/itchy inner thighs and hips?

Inner thighs and hips? Geez Tara, I wasn't riding naked!

Furthermore, I don't want to hear about your GC.

C'mon. And yes, you do.

Any words for the unwise?

Um, man who stands on toilet is high on pot?

Nice miles, dude! Pretty impressive. How long did that take? And did you wear sunscreen this time?

It took less than 4 hours. Hold on. Let me turn back on my Garmin. 3 hours, 47 minutes, 15 seconds. I did put sunscreen on. But since I wore longer shorts this time I thought I didn't need to put any on my legs. Now just from my knees half way up my thighs are burnt :)

Is this your way of transitioning to the triathlon scene?

Great ride, always fun to visit the old neighborhood.

Thanks Adamdogdillyous. I may do a tri. I like them. But I tend to panic in the water instead of taking it nice and easy.

Got a picture for you now Corndog!

Wow.

Thanks, I don't know if my night would've been complete had you not posted that! I have some pretty goofy tan lines come summer time. I don't know if they're appropriate for FRB.

Wow, great job, Burt!!! I couldn't ride 50 miles if my life depended on it.

Thanks Dale. Sorry you missed the pornographic picture of my leg earlier.

Oh, its ok, I don't want to fall off the wagon.

ROFL!

LOL

Nice work Burt! 50 miles is no joke on a bike. All kinds of things go numb on a ride that long. I think I wrote a haiku or two about that last summer :)

Please find those for me, Trap.

Bike ride really stunk

Not from rain or any pain

I can't feel my junk

Beautiful. Those words really spoke to me.

I was hoping to stir some feeling. Glad I could help.

I went well over 50 miles in my car the other day, not sure what the big deal is...

Nah, I'm just jealous. That's 2 people that are cooler than me now.

Don't worry Joe. I'll do something to bring my popularity down again. Maybe pee my pants in public or something.

Half a century is no joke. Nice job pushing yourself through it!

Thanks Ericka. I was having to stop every three miles or so at the end to get some feeling back in my legs.

Do you get neck pain at all?

A little, but not bad. I feel great today. How are you?

That's good. I was just gonna say it might help to get your bike fitted to you if you're getting aches and pains.

Hey, where'd the picture go!? Now my original "wow" comment just makes me look snub, like a 50 mile bike ride is nothing.

The last time I rode 50 miles (once, because I got lost) I walked like a cowgirl for days. Kudos.

Well, Annie Oakley, thanks for coming back to look at the picture.

Great job Burt!! If I rode 50 miles my butt would still be hanging on the bicycle seat. I see you have OCD like me and like to have round numbers. Great effort!

Who's that?

Choke - maybe that's because it's so cold in Utah it would freeze to the seat.

Tara - An American legend, not like Justin Bieber.

Were you in a hurry to get home?

Nice biking! I have no frame of reference for biking. What's fast and what's slow?

ACorn - I just wasn't in a hurry to get to work :)

Tracy - You're fast. I'm slow.

Seriously though, 12 mph is a 5 min/mile. 15 mph is a 4 min/mile. 20 mph is a 3 min/mile. Whenever I've looked at the top results of a triathlon, they're usually up around the 21 - 22 mph range.

My fastest mile on the way home was a 3:19.

What's challenging for you? I'm assuming the 3:19? And what's a sit back and relax pace for you?

That's a very good question Tracy. While I was doing the 3:19 it felt so good to be moving that fast, but at the same time I was pushing it. I don't know how long I could maintain that pace, but I think if I got stronger, I could do it for much longer. Obviously my main objective in getting to work is to arrive without being a total sweat hog. The 13.9 mph was probably a bit too fast, but I ended up getting there at 8:01am, so I didn't have much of a choice. In order for me to get to work without being too moist I probably need to be going closer to 12 mph.

Yeah, I can imagine it wouldn't be a good idea to arrive at work looking like you took a shower with your clothes on.

So around 12 mph is relaxed? Got it.

So, we have an understanding? Good!

So your ST (sweat threshold) pace is about 13 mph. That's an important number to know. Don't forget to subtract 10% when it's a warm day. Let me know if you have any questions.

Got it Joe. I'll let you know.

While you were riding? That's impressive.

Well, I ate a lot of bugs going home. And some I almost ate a huge cloud of smoke coming out of this guy's muffler. I've never seen that much come farting out before. The guy behind him didn't know what to do.

Nice ride

Great Sunday activity! I use Sunday as my go to junk food day too.

Thanks Dale. It was a beautiful day out.

AdamDogDeelius - We went to Sacrament meeting in the ward that meets in our building before us because we wanted to get to my sister-in-law's house early for Easter dinner. But I had to give the lesson in Deacon's Quorum, so I told my family to go on without me and I would ride my bike so that we wouldn't use two tanks of gas. Luckily my ward has Sacrament meeting last, so I was able to go right after Deacon's Quorum. I rode home, but then my wife called to say the keys were locked in the van. By this time it was dark out so I couldn't ride back, and we ended up using two tanks of gas anyway. Do you have any idea what I'm even talking about?

How's the weight loss coming along? I topped out at 210 and decided that was enough. Now the long journey to get it off has begun. My goal is to get down to 170 by Oct 5th.

ahhh, the inevitable lock-out scenario. Sorry you didn't get to capitalize on your bike commute.

hey, thanks for putting me on your list.

Hey, are you on the 'roids yet? Get on it!

LOL, Allie is still not on the list. LOL. Burt, now you're just playing games.

PUT ME ON THE LIST LITTLE OLD LADY

Easter was 2 weeks ago, Burt.

Sorry dudes.

Dale - no comment.

RAD - what? You want me to put you in a headlock? OK.

allie - Remember that time you put Fiddy on your list and you were like, "Well, I just think that he's going to have a break out year and blah blah blah and mush mush mush."?

Tara - how did you get on my list?

QP - I know. And it was glorious.

Burt, I wondered that myself. Stalker:)

Tara, are you mad because I haven't written my race report for Del Sol Ragnar?

shhhhshshshshshshshhhhh. he doesn't know about that.

divergent moves apart,

convergent comes together,

transform slides across

as slow as forever.

That was very moving, allie.

BUUUUUUUUUUUURT!!

What? What did I do, Tracy?

Just wondering what you're up to these days!

Not much. Just getting incredibly fat. I think I might be pregnant.

They rough up the roads on purpose to keep bikers off their turf. Way to show them you won't back down.

So what do you do? Some reason, I thought you were a computer nerd.

QP - I'm not afraid of those ghetto scum. Pirate scum, on the other hand...

Tara - I belong to the world's oldest profession.

Prostitution? Whoa. Sorry I asked.

No, you make alcohol. Sorry, wrong hooch.

Hey Broadway Burt, shouldn't you be finished with that schematic yet? Or did you get a flat tire in the ghetto?

No, Tara, he's a spy AKA stalker. Male prostitution is not a profession.

Joe - I finished the schematic, but then they wanted a grading and drainage plan, and the City of Phoenix said if they had known what they were doing, they would have required one, but it would be the inspector's call, and the inspector said - you guys figure it out, and the contractor said I'll talk to the home owner, and I'm like, just give me some money! You know?

Nan - who are you?

taraaaahahahaha.

Thank you, thank you. I left Burt speechless. Bucket list executed. Although, Nan is completely right.

Shoulda came run with my daughter and me, except I forgot to tell you we were there. More fun than Scouts, that's for sure. Not as far either.

Hey Flat. I haven't been running much lately (sad face)

And some of those Scouts are Drama Queens. (smiley face)

That's a lot of miles.

Quiet! I'm trying to read your race report!

I'm glad you finally decided to get off your booty.

Nice picture!

Looks like you accidentally ran over the snake.

I hope it was dead before that happened.

Don't worry about me and what I do and don't kill. Rest assured. The snake was dead when I found it.

Silly girl.

Was it snake stew at the mccumber homestead tonight?

We already know he'll drink half-empty gatorade bottles he finds on the side of the road, so snake stew isn't much of a stretch.

That snake looks delicious. What part would you say I'm about to eat?

Well Mr. Coach Klein. Basically, a snake don't have parts. But if I had to call it anything, I would say it's his knee.

Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-waterboy! I'll send my first mate to collect the snake come next full tide. Until then, I'll need you to go out and spritz it with a little water to keep it fresh and collectable.

And keep that Vicki Valencourt away from my snake! She's the debil!

Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.

burt - it's 2013. just wondering if you can still hear the blog.

I can feel the blog.

You can do eet!!!

Ah, thanks Dale. You're always so sweet.

Didn't you know?

Boo yeah! You still have today and tomorrow. Maybe you can make it to 5 miles for the week.

That sounds jerky, but I'm not trying to be jerky. Maybe you'll have time tomorrow.

Just run to all your clients' homes. I'm fairly sure they will let you hop in their shower if need be.

You're probably right Joe.

Ok, I'll get 5 miles on the week. I promise.

You don't want to over-do it. Better wait till next week.

QP! Ah, maybe you're right.

Don't you mean "argh! You may be right?"

Or whatever it was you said. Can you tell I was too lazy to check before I left my comment?

It's all good Tracy. I understand. You're still recovering from thigh trauma.

It's Saturday. No run yet? There's still time for a run...

I know. And I promised. I will. I will.

No problem, you have enough time to get your long run in today. Then you'll hit your weekly mileage. I've never doubted you.

Did you doubt me when I mentioned you in my previous blog entry?

I don't remember, let me check.

I did just what you asked, shut up.

Secondly, I still think you are loose.

Third, I saw the post earlier, but the caption at the time had something about the colors of the snake. I was bored.

And fourth, advance permission is required anytime I am mentioned in a post. It's registered, you know.

Still, at the end of the day, I have no doubt you will get your long run in tonight!

First, sue me.

Second, thanks for being my biggest fan.

Third, that's pretty much all I got.

fourth, i love manu.

I love u, man.

nice long run. this blog gives me low self esteem because everyone makes fun of my big nose and lack of hair.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

at least you have nice knee muscles.

:)! Too bad I don't have access to party hats on my phone, because you certainly deserve one. Ok, you can use my name again. I also deserve ALL the credit for this run. Burt, I use to be so nice. You've turned me into a monster.

Lets try again...

Great job, Burt! I knew you could do it! You are the Ragnar King! Anyone would be honored to be your teammate! Keep it up!

Nice try Tara. I used to be nice, too. I don't know who turned me into a monster, but allie was the first one I started to pick on.

I'm impressed. Impressed enough to consider being on your team for something. But not if your belly jiggles when you run.

Just kidding. I can't criticize anyone for belly jiggle.

I usually run at least one leg of my Ragnars with my shirt off, chest manscaped, and belly jiggling.

Can't wait.

Who cares if you are jiggling. At least you did it! Now do it again.

Terri - Don't you have a magic formula to get rid of the jiggles before I do it again??? Please?

Yay! Good job running in all your jiggling glory. Believe it or not I have a lil' belly jiggle goin' on myself. Still haven't bothered cranking out some ab kicking core work yet. P90X anyone? Remember when you posted those inspiring vids of you sweating to P90X?

Oh Nan. I did so much more in those videos than just sweat. I'm glad that's all you remember me for.

I confess that I didn't watch the video. I'm sure it is really awesome. But I commend you on your run and bike ride. You're the man.

Thanks Tracy. I understand. You're checking your blog on your phone and you're worried about overages.

I did watch the video, but I'm not sure what I was watching.

I watched the entire thing. I think you crashed and fell off at the end. Award winning video.

I guess I should have watched the whole thing.

LOL! No crashing. Just the worst video ever taken. And 1 minute and 41 seconds of your lives that you'll never get back. Did you see those poor guys that had to sit there and wait for me?

My favorite part was envisioning that little cloud in the sky to be a tiny, snow-covered tip of an invisible mountain.

Snow-covered tip of an invisible mountain? Neasts, you just got put on my list of Weirdest Bloggers on the Blog.

Cool!

Good run Burt, you're on a roll! I loved Prison Break, except I stopped watching it with 8 episodes left. So I guess I didn't LOVE it that much. First season was the best.

Gee Tara. It's not like you to quit something before it's over.

Based on the comments I've decided not to watch your video, but wow your son's fall sounds painful, poor guy. Hope he's all better now.

Is your client perhaps the government? Because you might want to check with them before starting construction. I tried to redirect the turnpike exit to my driveway one time so I wouldn't have to wait through all the stop signs. They were not pleased.

I though the little white cloud was a ufo and bad video made it hard to identify.

Joe - I admire your ambition.

Ben - Does this mean you're not going to hire me to video your daughter's wedding? And it probably is a UFO. Who ever heard of a cloud in Arizona?

BTW Joe - he's not better. He's Mr. Grumpy Pants now. And I have a feeling all the meds he's on is going to create a dependency from which he'll never recover.

I'll admit I have posted some bizarre videos on the blog, but this is the worst ever. I want my 1:41 back.

Heed my evil cackling!

I miss when you worked for the blog full time :)

Those were good times.

wow, that was boring.

Sorry allie. My life is a simple one.

That's just as good as a lot of shows on television these days. Have you sent it to any networks?

I sent it to ESPN 8 the ocho.

Dodgeball

Nailed it!

just so you know i have started to use fast running blog more.

Yay Twinkie! Go get 'em tiger!

Nice work Burt! That is 2 out of 3 this week!

Don't stop me now. I'm on a roll!!!

A pumpkin roll or sushi or egg roll?

A big fat jelly roll.

Somehow in my daze last night I glossed right over that tidbit about your son's breaks. Sounds dreadfully painful. Did it affect the growth plates?

Sick spot, I'm gonna go grab my board and head there right.....ah, wait, no that's right.

Nice job on the running so far this week Burt.

Neasts - I wondered the same question. They put in a permanent rod. I don't know the answer.

SlowJoe - You have a board?

I was too busy making fun of you to express my concern for your son. Sorry for that. I'm sure he's in a lot of pain. I hope you bought him a bell to ring when he needs something. I also hope he isn't laid up for too long. It sucks to be injured, but it doubly sucks to be injured during the summer.

oooooo, ouch!

ICK!!! I am so sorry to hear. did you take pictures of the break? Are you feeling sympathy pains? I am ....

By the way, I don't want to see pictures of the break(it would give me nightmares), I was just trying to gauge how goulish you are...

Tracy - He actually went to school yesterday. Not sure how much he learned since I'm sure he was so hopped up on goof balls.

Tara - Isn't it your turn in Draw Something?

Bonnie - It's hard to feel sympathy pains for the same kid who thought it was a good idea to ride his skateboard on the roof of the church. You can see pictures on my wife's Facebook. Aren't you friends with her? You like her more than me anyway.

What!? I better check.

On the roof of the church!!!?!?!?! Sounds like my kind of kid!

I love all of my FB friends equally, it just causes trouble to show favoritism ...

You can have him Bonnie.

Sorry Tara. It's my turn. SongPop?

mumm humm. As long as I don't have to sing, then have it played back to you when it's your turn.

That's too bad about the cancer, but way to go with the zanjero shift...whatever that is.

You're getting in some good riding miles.

I've never heard of a zanjero shift. Maybe that's because I've never worked one. Too weak.

Also, I know your schedule is off, but don't throw mine off, play me in dice already!

Long run weekend? Nice bike miles!

Dale - Zanjero life is the life for me. JK. Zanjero-ing is what I did all last year when I was working 7 days straight from 5:pm to 5:30am.

Tara - I think I'll go on a long run this weekend and totally neglect my wife. Nothing special about this weekend, right?

Right, there is nothing significant on Saturday, Burt. Big things in store for you!

I had to look zanjero up. Way to be in charge if water distribution. And way to step in when someone needs you.

Tracy - way to show off with the Google prowess!

Burt -- way to do the right thing with the co-worker, but not the wife :)

By the way, tell Tracy about the money and diamonds that you found on your run that time (see her blog for clues).

Broken legs and cancer? What happens to your enemies?

If you ask my son, I am his enemy.

Of course he would. He is a teenage boy- or as a friend of mine refers to them, "precious little lambs of God."

Are spawns of Satan still considered precious little lambs of God?

ha ha ha ha ... so, burt, that would make you satan?? wow. That explains everything!

Oh Bonnie. Have I told you how much I like your new profile picture? :)

you are so precious, Burt

(thank you!)

I just read all your May entries. I haven't read much on the blogs lately. The steel rod in the leg sounds bad and expensive. Yuck! The type of thing my second son Eli would do, doesn't think things through as well as he should sometimes. Had he gone down it successfully before?

I watched 24 and Prison Break.

Next time tell yourself positive things even if you don't believe them. "I can do this," "I'm a lean, mean, running machine," "Julie thinks I'm cool, etc."

Yeah, actually, supposedly that was the last time he was going to go down it before going home. He pressed his luck.

Did you like Prison Break? A lot of people have told me the quit watching it after the first season. Heroes will be the next one I watch. So, you really think I'm cool?

I really liked 24, but it went downhill a bit for me the last few seasons as it became such a stretch to bring Jack into it etc. Prison Break was good for a few seasons. I can't remember how many it was on, but the last one (or maybe even two) wasn't as good. I saw two episodes of Heroes and stopped because it had too much gore and violence, but maybe I just caught the worst episodes. 24 and Prison Break are both violent too. Happy watching.

I'm also watching the Walking Dead and The Following.

Not of Netflix.

Don't know anything about those other shows, and yes, I think you're cool.

I've watched all of Walking Dead and The Following. Steve made me watch both and I secretly liked it.

Julie - I thought you were avoiding that question :)

Tara - Steve sounds like my kinda guy. Now I know why you married your brother.

I had so much to say I just forgot, and I didn't think it was a serious question either, like: do you think my hair is brown? If course!

You set off for a 2 mile hike with the boys and end up going 4 chasing all the knotheads????

Ha! Our boys are pretty good. They took off once, but we made the newly appointed senior patrol leader go get them.

Make the scouts run with you.

Hmm. I have a lot of catching up to do on this blog. I suck.

Tracy - when did you sneak this comment in? Apparently May 18th, 2013 at 21:00:32.

April - no you don't!!!!!

Fine, what's going on over here. Oh, nothing.

I'm glad your reflexes are still good. :-)

Oh my gosh! Did you just call me old???

Obviously you are not old; everyone knows that old people can't ride bikes.

You've got a good point there.

well Burt...looks like you're doing lots of biking!

Dumb teenager. That's redundant.

Barb - Yep. Unfortunately, that's about all I'm doing to stay active. That and trying to keep up with the Boy Scouts.

Tracy - Isn't it? You would know best :)

Burt-a Burt-a Burt-a the explor-a

He's a super cool explora-dora

Grab your cell phone!

Let's Go!

Call your wife!

Vaminos!

You can get a ride home!

Slow Joe no singing!

Slow Joe no singing!

Aw, man!

"Keeping it Aerobic Baby!"

But Burt is a full grown man

Doing the best he can

because he's climbing that hill

Telling his boss to chill.........

I like it.

All comments must be in song,

What do you say?

But don't forget,

It's Memorial Day.

That was a nice try Dale,

but your rhymes are an epic fail.

Just kidding, I'm being a knob,

But seriously, don't quit your day job.

(Actually you have a night job, right?)

Way to go Burt! That's some legit miles on a legit course! I loved the singing and if I weren't tired, I would sing along, too. Nice one Slowjoe!

I'll sing a song tomorrow....

Thanks Tara. Looking forward to it.

cuando un amigo, ¡baila baila baila!

pies, pies, pies, pies, pies, pies, pies

cuando un amigo, ¡baila baila baila!

rodillas, rodillas, rodillas, rodillas

cuando un amigo, ¡baila baila baila!

cabeza, cabeza, cabeza, cabeza

cuando un amigo, ¡baila baila baila!

manos, manos, manos, manos

cuando un amigo, ¡baila baila baila!

caderas, caderas, caderas, caderas

los dos somos ver calvo

Gracias allie. Gracias. Translation of the last line in the song: Both we are to see bald. Are you sure it shouldn't say "Los dos vamos a ser calvos?"

i haven no idea. ask babelfish. i spoke korenglish on my mission.

OMG. get over here, tara. big errors.

Allie- Uh oh, everything looks good to me. That might be the problem. Thanks for summoning me, though. Besides, I'm on a break from Burt for the next 2 hours.

Also, I spoke Kahwowazam© on my mission. The people of Kawowza® loved me.

Burt, as promised, here is my poem/song/comment, intermingled with my second language... No need to translate, I think it speaks for itself.

His name is Burt, we all think he's a wersfmaenpz!

He biked so far, you'd think he vmdafi!

He runs he bikes, he even sings! But that's nothing compared to his skill in vospafooa!

Some call him a stalker, others a supporter. We all know he's a great eeoooepmes.

So, gapwemm and sseoigpmasd 'cause Burt's the best in all the pwmdddoia!

That last one's hard to translate, but it's "west."

Good job, Burt!

vospafooa! get a ® on that, right away.

Wow Tara! That made me cry. A little.

Boy I wish I was clever. I'd post a really good song. Instead I give you this haiku:

Burt took a bike ride.

Tire flattened and wife came out.

She must love him. Why?

"She must love him. Why?" Bwahaahaaha!! Good one Tracy!

@ Burt Wow! You need to patent those songs or someone may take them.

Tracy - it's because I told her I have an inheritance coming at the age of 40. Boy is she going to be surprised.

Tara - You're dead to me now.

Angie - if you even try to take my songs, so help me....

You stole that one, you stinker! And I stole it from Shark Tank.

Angie- you can have mine. Just don't use the above registered and copyrighted words. I'm making literally one's of DOLLARS a year on those puppies.

I think Angie would rather be the backup dancer in the music video.

I can't sing so I'll just say you deserve a Big Hand, Buster!

Burt Burt out on his bike

Just when he thinks he's alone...psych!

Can't control his bodily functions

Strangers witness his dysfunction

Didn't prepare just left with cheer

Decided to ignore the flat rear

His lovely wife saved his ass

I hope that wasn't too crass

Nice ride amigo!

Trap - you've been watching too much of that show. And I really hope you didn't skip to Episode 54!

ACorn - at the risk of hurting everyone else's feelings, that was, hands down, the best song yet.

I did skip, only because I've already seen the first 3 seasons a couple times. I wanted to re-watch them before season 4, but didn't have the patience. I think they did a great job with the 4th and I'm psyched for the movie!

I'll try to get you a VIP pass.

Thank you for one of the most entertaining blogs I've read in a while. I've learned geography, foreign languages, and the fact that burping before you go up a big hill will help you go faster.

Oh how I missed my dose of Burt! Hope that tire, song and gas bubble are all better now. Nice strong hill climb. A cat3 climb is NOT an easy one!

I say a boom chic-a boom! I say a boom chic-a boom, chic-a rock-a, chic-a rock-a chic-a boom! Oh yeah, all right, one more time now. Did I ever tell you I went to Scout Camp once? I'm basically an Eagle Scout since I lived with a Silver Beaver. I can even do Order of the Arrow hoop dances, but that's another story. Come home from Scout Camp already.

I'm home. Now leave me alone!

I bet that was exhausting. 30 miles in one day has got to be tough. Did you have to use a whip to keep them moving?

Is that all?

Hopefully somewhere cool, not in the desert?

Oh, sorry. We backpacked 8 miles Monday, 8 Tue, 7 Wed, and 7 Thur. Then I left because my sister's getting married tomorrow. They were supposed to do 20 today without packs.

Flat - It's up in the White Mountains, so not too bad. Low 90's, I think. Cooled down at night, though.

Wow.

Oh. I don't think that counts as 30 miles.

Joss, you just think all the boy scouts have cooties.

YOU TOLD ME YOU THOUGHT THIS WASN'T FUNNY!

By the way, this is funny.

It's funny. My wife didn't think it was, but my daughter did. Anyway, I forgot I posted this. I was just trying to show you how to do it.

Please tell me this is your new workout regimen. I want a video posted of you doing this. Pull on your white spandex!

You can prance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind.

Moose-knuckle.

Thank you Scott. And that's why I won't be pulling on my white spandex. Can you imagine the horror?

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD visual. A pic of that would get you banned from the FRB.

A video would get FRB banned from the internet.

A video could land you your own reality show.

A white spandex body suit with a bridle would be golden. Solid Gold(en).

If you could incorporate the magic water fountain and lady liberty, you may also be eligible for an Oscar.

RAD has some pony boots that clip-clop when you prance in them. She said she'll bring them to the film set when you're ready for a dress rehearsal.

Clip clop pony boots! Awesome! Was this before or after her terrible foot fungus?

Try the Prancercise trot, cuz it's HOT!

Good video, but I still don't get why you told me she was the sexiest woman alive.

I don't think that's exersize. More like dancing if you ask me.

Uh Oh Joss... someone's in their bed playing on their electronics! So am I!:)

Lets prancercise tomorrow!

The first time I saw this I thought it was like the Shake Weight commercial when you are waiting for the laugh track. . . which never happens.

Shimelle - I think she said that because she was having a hot flash.

Joe - sexiest woman 'barely' alive.

Joss - there's so much more than just dancing. There's walking. And galloping.

Jason - I've already invested in Prancercise stock.

Come on! Let's do some Prancersize. Let's see what you got!

I should not have eaten before watching this video.

Were going to really let it loose and cut the noose. hahah.

Everybody blame Tara for this.

So lets quit talking and do some walking!

It's better to punch into space than in your face.

- Burt your going to be so popular on runner's blog with this video.

Angie - There's no way I could do those moves and talk at the same time.

Joss - that's why your mom hates me. I stole her video and I'm getting all the popularity :)

Burt- You need to workout. Thanks.

Also, I'm introducing Joss to other bloggers, starting now:)

clip-clop it off! :)

Was this filmed outside of her retirement community?

that woman is my mother. thanks, everyone.

What's going on over here? Oh nothing.

Yeah, not a lot, but you may be happy to know that I did PR yesterday.

I hope they gave you two medals at the end of the trip. One for the hike, and one for spending 3 days with teenage boys.

Well, our van still smells like teenage boys. So, I've got that going.

Why is it that everyone gets blisters hiking a few miles, but we can all run miles and miles and miles without getting them?

"Smells like teen spirit."

TQP is right on the money! Haha!

You actually did much more and most people !!

Good work amigo.

Eric! Mi amigo viejo! That doesn't translate right. Thanks for the props.

It would be: Mi viejo amigo. Otherwise you are calling me an old guy.

Yay, Burt! Hope you lace up those old shoes again this week! Glad to see you blogging again.

Welcome to the blog! Hope to see you more often!

Tracy - Actually, they were brand new never been run in before shoes.

Tara - Don't use my own joke on me!

I wasn't joking. Welcome to the blog!

@Tara :) :) :)

@Burt- Welcome back ol buddy. Good to see you running again.

welcome to the blog "Burt"! i don't know if you've ever heard of "Ragnar" or not, just use the google to learn more. it's a great way to get motivated for running. good luck!

Tara - would you like mayonnaise on your knuckle sandwich?

Scott - one of these days I need to read about your birthday run. It'll probably be while I'm in my birthday suit.

JD - you son of a $!*@%

Nothing like a new pair of shoes to guilt one into running. :-)

Now that's a visual I can put my stamp of approval on.

Yeah right Sis. Richards. I've had them since June 21st.

You are outing me on these boards! Sis. Neasts will suffice.

Hey new guy. Fast running blog is a great place but watch out for this guy named Burt. He may seem nice buOH MY GOD IT'S YOU BURT! HI! I should've known it was you, since I clicked on your name. Rookie mistake, slowjoe.

Scott- Those smileys made my day. I'm headed over to your blog.

Burt- generally the best success comes when you do more than one day. You're new, it'll come to you. Until then, visit lots if blogs and take in as much information as you can. Before you know it, you'll be toeing the line for your first Ragnar! ( generally a 200ish mile relay team race, look it up.) Give iit time, you' ll get there. Oh yeah, welcome to the blog!!

Welcome back, Burt! Hope all goes well.

I came back here hoping to see you had made it out two days in a row, but what I am leaving with is remembering the bad visual from yesterday.

Not pleasant.

Joe - the other rookie mistake you made was to try and warn people about me. That only makes them want to get to know me all the more.

Kara - thanks for the warm welcome. Did I get your name right?

Choke - thanks. Time will tell.

Wesemann - Ok, I posted why I didn't run yesterday just for you.

There is a moral to this story.

If Burt is involved it would be lack of morals...

The moral of the story is that Wesemann wanted to know why I didn't run yesterday. Now I'm going to have to come up with an immoral excuse as to why I didn't run today.

Locked up for indecent exposure?!?

Anytime I expose my face it's indecent.

Wah. Cry me a river. So, what is your excuse? You need a good whip crackin' or are you injured?

Whip crackin' please.

Love love love this post!

You'll be honored to know you were the topic of our post dinner clean up conversation last night. Aaron was telling me about his lunch conversation with a few friends where they were all agreeing that exercise, even just a little bit every day is hugely beneficial in lowering stress. Its ironic because sometimes when you're stressed exercise is the LAST thing you feel like doing. Believe me, I know. But what if you just even did a tiny itty bit. Like 10 push ups right now. Or one sprint around the block. Or PU-PU-SU! Oh you know you love that one. That'll give you something to blog about AND reduce your stress. Ready...GO!

my PUPUSU alarms went off and directed me here.

get on it, burt!

Britta - you get me.

Nan/allie - My PUBAR is broken.

BTW, that is an honor Nan.

Nan, thank you for your above comment - it was just was I needed to be reminded of. You are so right - I went and did 10 mini push ups right after I read it!

Burt, you gotta listen to this gal Nan!

Cookie!!!! Where've ya been?? I listen to Nan. I just don't hear her.

Yay for getting a run in!! Boo for cracked ribs. Ouch.

Is Yoda Burt wearing a ragnar shirt?

Nan - the last time I cracked a rib Sasha told me I should run anyway.

Jon - Yep! My San Diego van started calling me the Yoda of Ragnar and one of them made that picture for me :)

One time I had a compound fracture in both femurs and Sasha told me 10 miles easy every day until they healed. I think it's getting better:

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/tn86vette/brokenleg.jpg

It still looks backwards to me.

Next time just take off the shorts and dip them in the water.

Apparently I missed the part where you cracked a rib. must have been on the tube. Someone is coming back...

Julie! I had my wife pack my stuff while I was at work, and I forgot to tell her to pack me some panties so I was going commando! Would that change your mind about having me take them off and dipping them? Speaking of losing your shorts, one of the boys was hanging on the tube and fell off, but wouldn't let go. The next thing you know he lost his shorts. They were bright pink, but they were gone. Luckily he had spandex on underneath.

Tara - I rode the tube once after cracking my rib. I did it while I was trying to climb, wait a minute, I already explained how I cracked it. Pay attention!

down on your luck? Do I have a product for you!

Cracked ribs are no fun but you can handle it. It will stop hurting in a few months. When's your next Ragnar? I just did Northwest Passage again and now I can't stop thinking about doing another one!

I think Vegas will be my next one. I am now making it my lifetime goal to be on a team with you. Separate vans, of course.

whatever you do...don't sneeze.

but yes, keep running.

Run through it and break another rib. That's the runner mentality. Excuse me, foolish runner mentality. Do Kegels instead. Great for the core and pelvic floor muscles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch

v=dSqK4_3YSMI

If you think they are too painful, then just revert to sneezing and coughing, even if you don't have those urges.

Knew I shouldn't have clicked on Joe's link.

A sad tale, Burt. I've separated a rib like that similarly on more than one occasion. Took about 6 weeks each time. Good luck. Heal well.

Flat - Joe has a sick mind. Just ask my sister.

Choke - I'm feeling better. Now it's just a matter of finding the time.

Chili's called- they want their Baby Back Ribs back. Time to get back to running and making trips to the magic water fountain. You've got to get training for tax season when Lady Liberty expects you to be at the top of your game.

Yeah, you definitely have to be in the mood to get raped I guess. Good call. Good job getting out there Burt!

I can only imagine how the MWF must feel when you run from her like that. Maybe she just wanted to cuddle.

Nice job getting a good run in.

Tara - thanks for the inspiration.

QP - The MWF can't force her cuddles on me.

Hey Burt

Oh my land! You ran. Nice Brut.

Dale - Good day sir.

Scott - It's a miracle!

running is good. getting raped is not.

Tara said what I was thinking. Maybe you'll be in the mood the next time you run. Which should have already happened.

One day you'll be ready to be raped. I have faith in you.

LETS? HA!!! Got you.

Yep. You did :)

lets? please. the blog doesn't have spell check anymore, which means i have to work double time.

bureau

chrysanthemum

Tara?! Did you send allie a private message to come check out the mistake on Burt's blog?

Yeah, it was looking like no one else cared about you anymore. Allie cares, I don't.

Allie- Spell check? I never knew I had that option! Well, it doesn't change anything. I'm still averaging 10-12 mistakes daily, but that's expected. Burt on the other hand...

Are you sure it was a sunburn? It might have been eczema. That's very common in elderly folks.

Eczema, huh? That might explain it. Is it contagious? Because I was at your mother's house the other night...

Speaking of diseases, when have you planned your next run to the magic water fountain?

When you were there, did you ask about her best friend? She died of eczema.

Ragnar is coming...

QP - soon. Very soon.

Joe - If someone doesn't know what's going on they might seem very offended by next statement. Here it is: I'm laughing so hard right now!

Tara - So is Santa Claus, but neither of them are real.

I heard you were running today. Well?

Did your sunburn peel?

Yes Dale. Do you want me to mail you some flakes?

Yes, please. I can add them to my very private collection.

Yay! You were incognito! And you ran and everything. See what you can do tomorrow...

Tomorrow will be awesome.

You don't have to win every time, cause you're already a winner. You know that!

Ah, shucks.

An unflattering facebook picture? I'll be right back, gotta go check it out. Also, that's why you post selfies, only ones I trust!;)

As long as I don't get tagged in the picture, hopefully you'll never see it.

Most of my pictures are sweaty, early morning mountain runs. I wish that if I ran more I would look younger. :-)

Sister Neasts, you look so young. I can't believe you have a son on a mission.

Hey, whatever. If that gets you running again, that's okay.

Unflattering photos is the reason 2 people I know did something to lose weight. Not being able to climb out of a Mustang convertible was another reason I've heard of. Whatever gets you to the magic water fountain.

Well, I'm impressed with your persistence.

i just saw oprah in a commercial for body glide.

That makes sense. Often after getting arrested, celebrities will do a commercial for a product that they've wronged. From what I hear, Oprah was recently arrested at the airport. They caught her with 300 lbs of crack in her panties.

Hence the need for Body Glide.

My first thought was that Ginger must be your dog. Then I realized I was jumping to conclusions and have come up with a list of other options. Many of which are not appropriate for a public forum. Either way, I'm sure she loved the mother bird MWF refreshing beverage.

It's been too long since I read your blog, thanks for that entry.

Or did she take a swig and spit it in your mouth?

QP - You can say whatever you want now on the Fast Running Blog. Sasha doesn't care anymore. I swear.

flatlander - I think I'll go read some of your entries. But first, QP's.

Tracy - Does it matter?

QP - ginger is a cat.

sasha still doesn't allow party hats. let me demonstrate:

Allie- that explains SO much! When I got the email about party hats, the hat was there. But when I looked on the web site- no hat. Magic water fountain meets FRB- and now we have magic disappearing hats.

I'm still flabbergasted that the legendary 13 time TOU champion commented on my blog. allie, I hope they made you pee in a cup after your last performance.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The gravitational pull in AZ appears to be a lot less than in PA.

Well, I don't really weigh 0.00 lbs.

Oh...my bad. ;-)

I'll still comment on your boring entry. Glad you could practice your counting skills.

Gotta keep 'em sharp, Tracy.

You realize all those people were put there to keep an eye on you, don't you?

Why did the X-Files theme song just play in my head?

I can count too. I count on you to step up your game on this blog.

Joe - I don't remember what my game on the blog is. Something to do with photoshop, I think.

good job, burt.

using endomondo? i knew it.

your still on her?

coolio.

Kam, I assume you mean on here. Because this is a family friendly site, and I've never even looked at allie.

burt -- read that comment more carefully. the humor is subtle, but its their.

I'm sure it is they're subtly, but I don't see it.

irregardless.

1000 lbs? Did you forget to take your rocket pack off before you stood on the scale?

Who actually looks at the weight? The answer is Nan, not allie or Kam. Yes Nan, that included the upward thrust of the rocket pack.

Some of my favorite people on here:)

I also didn't get the subtle humor, but It's got to be there. Allie and Kam share the same kind of sophisticated humor that I don't often get, but equally enjoy. I also assume there is some intended humor with all the misuse of grammar. Again, I need it spelled out. Maybe it's lost at this point, sorta like me. Also, 1000 pounds is a lot of weight.

Is Coolio one of your favorite people?

Good to see you running again. I talk to myself too. Its all good.

You are going to make me think you're human. Almost.

That's a whole lotta running today my friend. Good work! See what happens when I drop you like a bad habit? You run:)

Hi Nan!

I should have known you were the one holding me back all this time!

Oh, I was thinking of Snoop Dogg.....him or Topher Grace. I get them mixed up.

Also, you know you are the only one who can hold yourself back!

Send me a private e-mail, I'm actually pretty good at that sort of thing.

So that's why they call you Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

do you know how many people talk about scatting all over the place in their race reports? or even on their daily runs?

if you are allowed to mention (and in many cases give details) of your PAS experiences, you are allowed to post photos of animal scat. i personally would like to know what color it was. bonnie's animals have hot pink scat.

I like stories about PAS, but I have never P'edAS. I've always been able to hold it in; a testament to my masculinity. It was tan. Yes, tannish.

proud to be PAS free.

that's my bumper sticker.

It was a praying mantis scat. Nothing to be feared, Burt.

Nice miles, Burt. I have no idea what Allie is talking about. Poop, I mean scat, comments have no place on this blog. Clean it up.

Tara - you better start praying. Praying that you don't get GC for running during GC.

SlowJoe - got some baby wipes?

burt, she'll be done running before GC starts.

I'll be way done before George Clooney gets gonorrhea and chlamydia. Although I hear it comes on fast.

I have no idea what the entire conversation is about. I just laugh anyway because I can always count on it being good.

Give me your number and I'll text you what everything means.

the only thing you need to know to piece everything together: PAS = pop a squat = stop wherever you are running and scat. sasha calls them VPBs (virtual private bathrooms).

i maintain that i am a PAS/VPB-free runner.

...and now she's not going to give me her number!!

allie, I really want to believe you. I do.

1-800–787–3224.

1-800-pupe bag? I'm not falling for that.

I did fall for it and I got the National Domestic Hotline!!! Oh well, at least I won't have to put up with getting abused by my wife anymore.

Yeah, and it's also a National Stalking Hotline. I also have an alternate numbe, if you need that one too.

The only thing about this blog that makes me sad is that I didn't see it earlier. Keep up the good work, Burt. You're not just a scallywag, you're a scatywag.

I don't know if I should feel flattered or splattered.

james hates lowe's that much. i'm serious. my only advice: do not order a custom door from them, because it will make you hate them.

Low-ses hasn't offended me lately, but I've never ordered a custom door. That is quiet a strange sticker, I would never have thought of. I would like one for Walmart. I also hate all of the orphans in the entire world.

Tell James if he wants a hobbit hole, he's going to have to build his own door.

Tara - If I see a picture of Calvin peeing on orphans on your car, I'm gonna...I'm gonna...I don't know what I'm gonna do. But it won't be pretty.