615am- early 25 min shakeout run.
3pm- Murray Invite- Seeded Boys
I sat in the back of the bus for the ride up and it was lit back there with me and julien and caleb and mikey. I ate some bannanas and apple and cliff bars. We stopped at the provo mall for lunch. This trip was the first without the guys. I miss them alot. I like my team but its not the same. We got to the course and had a motivational inspirational guest speaker and he was good. Then the varsity boys we went on a warmup around the course. I felt average goodness. Decided not to run with spikes cuz there was a ton of asphalt and concrete.
after some strides and a team prayer we started the race. There was a lot of guys and I was worried about getting stuck in the back. Me and Spencer got out in front, it was pretty physical up there though. I got passedby my teamates and everybody else. I struggled to get going. I couldnt stick with any move I tried to make to get back in the race. I knew how much my team needed me, i felt so slow and defeated. Couldnt even pass xander or logan at the end. pretty rough. Ended up 63rd at like 15:35 (2.85 miles).
I took it pretty hard this race. I havent been racing where I want to be since freshman year. I usually dont get down on myself ever. I havent for a long time. Up until this race i have been able to try and grow and take positive things from all my races. But not on this one. I guess i broke. I felt terrible. 3 years of working out every day morning and afternoon and all I have to show is Ive gotten progressively worse. I strech and roll and drain and do pushups and situps and like 6 minutes of planks and wallsits every night. Im doing everything I should and more. I want to race good so bad. its killing me and i hate it. I hate racing bad over and over again. I need to put my teamates before myself. But I want so bad to focuse on myself. We are a great team, better than ever. they arent my tight homys though. my teammates i mean. people think I like to lone wolf but really I love being with the team and doing things with the guys. I guess it comes across like that because I do my own thing. I dont go with the crowd. and Im fine with chillin by myself. But im down to do anything for these guys. I dont like doing this but I figured I should write my thoughts. heh wow I wrote a lot. lol im not depressed though
I think im iron deficient. Like athletic anemia. I dont think my problem is in my head. If it was id be fine by now. i have like 90% of the symptoms. Ive considered it before but I wrote it off cuz I have a good diet. plus one time I took one of Rylees iron pills and I felt like superman the next day. Im gonna get my blood tested.
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