trial of miles; miles of trials

Night run on the middle school track. Stride a little off from all the various aches, need a good stretch tomorrow.

Some days, my normal four-miler from Creekwood just rolls out of my legs like I was born for it, easy and quick and light. My feet fit snugly into my shoes, my stride is natural, my posture is good and I finish feeling rejuvenated.

Today was not one of those days.

On the upswing, convinced Adriaan to run the Secret City half with me, so it looks like I am pretty much in for that. Here's hoping I'm actually capable of finishing; I imagine so but one ought not take those things for granted. I'll be ref'ing this weekend so I don't have time for a proper long run.

Yesterday's run was the longest I've done on such a small track in a long time (it's a standard quarter mile track at the middle school). It was also completely dark by the time I got there at seven, so the first couple laps I almost felt like I was running blind-- sort of a nice feeling, actually. It reminded me of very early in 2008 when a bad breakup had caused me to begin running incessantly on the raised track in our college gym-- it took twenty laps to make a mile, and I'd run 4-6 nearly every day. That must be what the Recover From the Holidays 50k is like-- they run a 3-mile there-and-back ten times (plus an extra mile to finish it off). It sounds absolutely miserable.

 I'm getting a little worried about speed, realizing that I've been running regularly for years but probably haven't done speed training since high school. I think I'll wait til December to get serious about that though, since I don't want to push it until I've got the Secret City Half and the Chattanooga trail run out of the way. Plus, with soccer playing/refereeing/coaching still pummeling me from all sides, I'm getting decent speedwork from the sprints involved in playing forward.

Trail mix is the weirdest effing food. I still can't decide whether I love or hate it. I think I'll have to compile a list of foods I can and can't eat for running. Peanuts are not so good, so I'll have to give them up this winter. Oh well. Eating a lot more sweet potatoes lately, I think they are up there with oatmeal in my "fave running foods." Along with blackberry herbal tea-- tough to explain, but I feel like it helps.

I joined this running blog, instead of another running blog, for a few reason:

 1. I've spent years estimating. I am the flakiest at recording my own physical activity. I tend to think it is enough just to do it, and I have no interest in typing up my splits (or even recording them) or giving people information about my athletic tendencies other than "I am pretty good at soccer," and "yesterday I ran ___ miles."

2. I agree completely with the philosophies espoused by the founder. That is, the running philosophies. As an Episcopalian, I am of course not on board with the whole LDS thing, but that is entirely beside the point. I read Sasha Pachev's "Top Ten Excuses for Missing a Run," and I thought, exactly. Exactly.

Then I read the most common training mistakes article, and realized I am making one. No, it is not the cigarettes (though they, while infrequent, are obviously also a problem). I spend all of my life in a state of maximum stress. Today, I am so stressed I feel dizzy. I am worried about the following: my car, the jerk I thought I was into, needing to buy christmas presents, the project I'm doing at work, spray painting t-shirts for the soccer team I coach, the four tournament games said team has this weekend, whether I slept enough last night, my friend Ashley's birthday on Saturday, the work-related dinner I have to rush to tomorrow after the soccer team party at Cici's Pizza, my weight, the fact that my room is a mess, the fact that my car is a mess, whether I am capable of finishing my half marathon, how far I should run today, whether it is a bad sign that I hate timing myself, my ankle, my back, Christopher McDougall, and whether or not I need to go on a diet.

I don't think this habit is really helping a lot with my training. Or, you know, my sanity. So I just put it down. I put down the fabric spray paint, picked up Mindy Kaling's book (which I bought for myself yesterday) and I am laying in bed, in my running clothes, reading it. I feel like a dead person. When I finally perk up a little (give it half an hour), I'll lace 'em up, head over to the middle school track, and run another five-miler, easy. I will tape my sprained ankle and run my miles and then I will come home, record them, drink a glass of red wine, spray paint the shirts, and go to sleep. But see, I'm planning again! Just doing that makes me freak out.

This is why I don't keep a running log; it makes me insane. But maybe it's time for me to shift my focus and simplify. Maybe it's time for me to read Mindy Kaling, then go for a run, then just wing it for a while. We'll see how it goes.

UPDATE: Yeeeeeesshhhh ankle pain. But I ran my wimpy little two miles and came home. Something is better than nothing.

Quite the busy day! Squeezed in a brisk little run between spray painting the t-shirts for the soccer girls and going to the team party. I have loved coaching, but it got a little overwhelming these past few weeks and I am just one person.

I accidentally (ha ha) registered for the Secret City Half Marathon on the twentieth. I seriously do not have any idea whether I can do it. I figure that worst case scenario the time cap is three hours, so worst case scenario is that I run/walk for three hours. That sounds healthy.

I work with this girl who has run at least two half marathons, and both times she ran with no training. I can not even imagine doing that. Both times, they were the rock 'n roll half marathon, which has a huge turnout and a different band at every mile. She's told me she doesn't think she would have been able to do it without the crowd and bands, which is interesting-- one's capabilities really do change dramatically based on the environment, which is somewhat determined by our literal surroundings and somewhat determined by our inner landscape.

I am cheating a little because I didn't "go for a run" today. It was the first day of our Area Tournament, and I got up at 6:30 am to take a shower, make my game plan for the girls' two games, and drive down to the fields. It was incredibly foggy outside, the same dim kind of pea soup I remember seeing nearly every day over the fields when we lived in Vermont. At 7:00 on a Saturday, not too many people are driving around, and I always feel a bit strong and brave with my black under armor and completely ridiculous bright orange hunting beanie (we always wore them on the sailing team). 

I got to the fields at 7:40, just in time to check in and get the 8:00 game started. The fog was still definitely present on the field, but luckily not thick enough to make me stay any closer to the play than I normally would. I knew it would be a long day, so I didn't want to use up all my energy early and burn out later-- I knew I had to be awake for twenty hours at the minimum, and that I wouldn't get any nap time. I had signed up for an ambitious schedule: ref'ing at 8:00, an hour of downtime, then warming up the girls at 10:15 for our 10:45 game. After our game, I was to ref the 12:00, then drive home, change, and head downtown for family photos with a photographer hired by my aunt, at 14:00. From there, I had about an hour to put together my game plan for the second game, at 16:15 back at the park. Then, my luck ran out: both my friend Ashley's birthday and the annual meeting of my yacht club were scheduled for 6pm. But never fear, I was prepared: putting in an appearance at the yacht club was a reasonable compromise, as was missing the first part of Ashley's birthday, dinner.

I have a severely unreasonable habit of planning days like this on a very regular basis, and the more physical stress they require, the better they tend to go. I just really enjoy being busy, running around from task to task and entangling myself in a million concurrent projects. I can't say no. It's pathological.

In any event, the first game went well. I usually referee U14, the same age division I coach, but I like to referee the boys, since I coach the girls-- it lets me be a little more out of the game, and guarantees my impartiality. Also, though I wouldn't tell them this, the boys are a little better than the girls, so I get to see better soccer. And finally, the boys are a little rougher, and I like the increased challenge.

Generally, a competent player on a full field will run about 5 miles in a game of soccer. That makes sense when you think about it-- a full game for adults is 90 minutes, and if you are not moving at least 80% of the time, you are probably not a competent player. On top of that, nobody runs a 10-minute-mile pace during a soccer game unless they are jogging off the field at halftime. Similarly, as a referee I am probably moving a little slower, but I have to sprint some portion of the field about once every two minutes. This age group plays 35-minute halves, and their field is about four feet narrower than standard (the length, however, is the same, and is probably more relevant to the running done by the referee). My point is: I gave myself four miles per game, which I think is about right.

All the cutting and sprinting and sudden stops and starts did not do much for my poor sprained ankle, which has been healing VERY slowly. I forgot my white athletic tape and had only kinesio tape on it, which is great for everyday and usually sufficient for flat paved trail running, but not for soccer or anything involving uneven surfaces. Fortunately, the field was smoother than our usual field, but it was bothering me quite a bit by the middle of the second game. Also both my calves were cramping, which is very unusual for me. I probably did not drink enough water, I'm often guilty of that when I'm rushing straight from physical activity to social events. Which is most of the time.

Still not really sure what to think/say about soccer activities taking the place of normal running. I suppose we'll see what kind of results I get from it, but at this point in my life I think conditioning is conditioning, and ref'ing two games in a day while spending the whole day running around the park might be better endurance training than if I'd run six straight on the greenway. Am I a heretic? (I guess it wouldn't be the first time).

REST DAY!!!! yummm

Last week I took Monday as a rest day, but tomorrow I have soccer.

I really wanted to sleep more last night because of how insomniac I'd been at the end of the week, but inevitably every Sunday I awaken at 7:00 with a "fake hangover." What time I went to sleep on Saturday has no effect on this, it's clockwork. This is what I call it when lack of sleep, dehydration, and a very small amount of alcohol combine to simulate the hangover after the consumption of an actually large amount of alcohol. I have only been actually hung over a few times ever, mostly when I was eighteen, but I get fake hangovers pretty often. Sometimes in the middle of the week! I hate it, but much like real hangovers, fake hangovers are all my fault, for neglecting to drink water and staying up late.

Today's was not so bad though-- I drank some water, wrapped my ankle, stretched a little, cleaned house (that's active recovery, right?) and then took a well-deserved hot bath, to soak all my achy pieces. I also ate a lot. I always eat a lot on Sundays, usually because I have neglected to eat on Saturday.

So, soccer tomorrow and probably no run. Though I may get inspired! We'll see.

Last game of the season. We lost, but I scored a goal. Only giving myself three, I wasn't playing hard.

I didn't drink enough water today and had that nasty dry feeling for the whole run. I do love running in the dark though. I ran the loop with all the overeducated commuters driving in a circle around me-- I love running in the dark, it lets me really be alone with my body and thoughts. I find long runs easier after sunset, I find my rhythm more easily. Oh, but speaking of which, I ran like a snail. I think I was running 9:40s, which is ridiculous. There is no reason I can't hold a 9:00 pace for five miles. I suppose my willpower fails me after ten hours of office.

A quick rant about my weight: I quit using my calorie counting app on my phone this week, it is useless and ridiculous. I am a careful, light eater and always have been, but no matter what I do, my weight does not budge from the 115-120lb range. (this is plenty-- I'm only 5'2") I have the slowest metabolism known to man, but I have also reached this stasis where I automatically consume about 1,300 calories per day, and run 4-5 miles six times a week. My body is perfectly adapted to this, and my weight does not budge. Whenever I try to diet, I get these calculations that what I am doing should already be causing me to lose weight. What?? It's ridiculous. I don't need 2,000 calories a day, and I never have, and "cutting down to 1500" is not going to help. Similarly, "exercising for at least 30 minutes at least four times a week" sounds like taking a week off to me. So what gives?

Biology, somewhat-- being overweight actually does run in my family, at least from one side. My maternal grandfather struggled with his weight for his whole life, and nobody in my family is leggy and slim. At least, nobody who's biologically related to me. Several of us are athletic. Every last one of us is sturdy. We live a really long time! But we aren't thin. As if that wasn't good enough, I picked a few years in high school to buck the trend, quit eating completely, and be delicate and slim. It mostly didn't work- I was underweight, yes, but mostly I succeeded in looking like a twelve-year-old and destroying my metabolism. And ever since then, I have been slowly, calmly running and maintaining my exact same weight.

I'd love to lose weight. It makes you faster! It really does, it's not coincidence that quick runners are generally slim (and muscular!). But I'm sick of receiving "tips" from magazines and websites and people that are things I already do and have done for years. Eat oatmeal? Constantly. Avoid red meat? All day every day. Cut dairy out of your diet? Since I was a baby. Avoid carbs? I eat wheat about once a week. Eat salad for lunch? Unless I'm having soup that day. So I guess I would just like to share this frustration, that it has gotten to the point where this week I am cutting peanuts out of my diet. And frankly, I feel ridiculous. And also, just in case any of us forgot, this is what it takes to actually be thin when your body isn't naturally like that (or, in a lot of cases, even when it is):

http://thegloss.com/beauty/adriana-lima-victorias-secret-model-diet-318/

Oh, and having a personal nutritionist helps too.

I have a weird rule that resulted in me cancelling my run yesterday.

Left work today to run for lunch, going around the block from our building is 1.7 miles. After the first lap, my calves and shins and ankles were unbelievably stiff-- it was so strange, almost like I just couldn't flex my ankles up and down. I've never had my legs be that tight before. I stopped and stretched a little and ran the second lap and jogged a little to cool down. Stretched a little when I got back to the office but honestly it's a little awkward to hang around in my running gear in the middle of the day.

I have to get on a plane in a few hours, and probably won't be able to run more tonight-- I get into Baltimore around 7:30, then will be taking a cab to my friend R's house and staying with him. I don't know how I could run at the airport, since I'll have all my things with  me, and by the time I get into R's apartment, I bet it'll be 8:30 at least. Bodymore isn't really the kinda place I want to do a night run alone, yennow? We'll see, maybe I can convince R to come with me just for 2 miles or something. In any event, tomorrow I will be back in the glorious city of Annapolis, where I can run the standard 4-or-6-mile route I ran for three years in college. And soccer on my home field with my home team. Be still my heart!

If I was a Serious Runner, I'd probably go to the airport in my running things, and jog around the terminal. But I'm not, deal with it.

Back on the treadmill for the first time in a while. It proved to be fairly useful, I did some intervals and was able to really pay attention to my stride. Also, I monitored my heart rate, which seemed oddly high. I drank a lot of coffee? I'm not really sure what's going on with me this month.

Soccer, then reffed a line for H, for some unfathomable reason.

Ran my old four-mile Annapolis loop with K, lots of fun. Felt like about a 9:40 pace? We forgot to time it though. I taught her the 100-up exercise afterwards, she's a heel striker extraordinaire.

It's a little weird running-- and having a whole day of other stuff-- before getting on a plane. Four miles isn't a distance I really feel in my legs for the rest of the day anymore, the way I do if I run six, so I almost forget about it. It's strange.

A difficult day, generally, but I made it back to Alabama safe and sound.

I suppose I take a rest day now. Maybe I'll do some yoga or strength training later. Or just go jump on the trampoline awhile. (living with a middle schooler is great)

The Secret City Half is this Sunday, so I think I'm supposed to taper a little or not run the day before-- not sure how to do this, I never have before.

It's been raining a lot and I have to work long hours, so I worked out on the elliptical for a while. The temptation to hate on elliptical machines is great, but I feel compelled to mention that if it weren't for an elliptical, I may not have started running again in the winter of 2008. But that is a long story, and it was a long time ago.

Shorter time today due to scheduling and not sure how much to work out. It is supposed to rain all day tomorrow, not sure what I am going to do about that.

"And while you're at it, and to hell with the hateful Puritanism that underlies it all, the vile voice that says the body is ugly and the flesh is sinful and it's all a pathetic, shameful thing to be ignored, or heavily medicated, or glutted beyond recognition and finally rejected like so much animal meat. This way misery and conservatism lies.

"Instead, let us hereby amplify the idea that we get a terrifically short ride on this pale blue dot, and hitch it to the deeply mystical notion that your body is actually a wildly sacred container to be cherished and celebrated like a goddamn roller coaster bumper car funhouse temple of wow.

"Can you do that? Recreate yourself anew every single day and feed your core with all manner of joy and bliss, wine and movement, sex and moan, sweat and heartbeat and taking the stairs two at a time because the stairs actually prefer it that way?"

Went to the park after work and ran, B tagged along. He's bizarrely wimpy about distance for a guy who plays soccer half the year. I think some people get intimidated by running when it's laid out for them like that, but honestly, a four-mile run lasts less time than a half of soccer if you can run anything under a ten-minute pace. And if you can't hold a ten-minute pace, I bet you don't play soccer.

I wouldn't tell him this, but I have my reservations about running buddies. The last time I ran with one regularly was sophomore year, when Z and I lived together. I was religious then: Four miles a day, except Mondays and Thursdays when I did six, and one rest day per week. Z would skip out a few days a week and I'd be alone, which I loved, and I still love. Even the high school XC team was too social for me.

Most of my important life decisions are settled while I'm running-- or rather, the work that I put into my lungs and legs is also work put into my head and heart. I mean the big things, things that affect where I am going and who I will be long-term. I need a few miles to clear out and escape, so that I can weigh my options and feel settled.

Sometimes-- like yesterday-- I actually make a decision and then talk myself out of it while running. But I trust running to make my mind clear, and help me stay on track. Besides that, it is a good way to gauge how my life is: if I'm not running well, I'm probably not living well. If I am too physically weak or mentally distracted to run daily, it's a red flag that something in my life is not functioning correctly. Even in these next few months as I try to get my mileage up, I want to remember that.

I am still waiting to see how this particular decision comes out. I will need a lot of miles on this one and I have a long way to go.

I'm getting nervous. I went on a walk today because the office makes me dizzy. I miss walking every day. I used to like to go out with my camera, but alabama is not very walker-friendly. Alas.

I am having some kind of allergic reaction to something I touched on my trip, so my forearms and hands are covered in itchy little bumps, like bug bites. The doctor had nothing of consequence to say and told me to take an antihistamine and use topical steroids. But they hardly help, so I'm not sleeping well at all, and I'm getting increasingly nervous. I think I will go eat some oatmeal; I tend to like that when I feel nervous, which is most of the time.

Everyone thinks it's odd that I'm going to this race alone, which is making me uncomfortable. It is my experience that waiting around for traveling companions is the quickest way to never go anyplace. In any event, I'll leave tomorrow.

So, now that I'm done I suppose it's time to fess up: the longest I've run in the past few months is seven miles. Longest ever is maybe 8.5.

The SCHM course is limited to 3 hours-- we run on streets, big heavily-used ones, and the city will not allow us to monopolize them for more than that length of time. Given this limitation, I figured I would aim for not getting kicked off the course. I volunteered to help with handing out race packets on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. I hadn't thought about the fact that volunteering meant getting up at 5am, which in CST (and my body) was... 4 am. That part wasn't fun. But I dragged myself out of bed, prepared my quotidien coffee and oatmeal, and headed for the fitness center.

I was nervous, and the old salt who kept giving me race advice honestly wasn't helping a ton. He asked me how far I'd run, and I told him eight recently (which isn't strictly speaking true, I've given myself credit for eight but they've been soccer/running combined miles, not straight)-- and he kind of hmmm'ed at me and bobbed his head. I ran a couple laps around the parking lot and took my place well in the back, thinking about how embarrassing it would be if I didn't finish in 3 hours and was stuck with the super-old ladies and fat guys in the back. I thought about how I had better not get hurt because my trail 10k in Chattanooga is in a month and I am so so looking forward to it. I wished A hadn't bailed on me "because of [his] knees" and tied my car key into my left shoelace because I always do that. I had my iPod in my hand, because everybody else did, but I didn't think I'd need it-- really, who listens to music during a race? The whole point of races is to pit yourself against other people, not just to run under supervision. Sometimes I think we all sign up for these races knowing full well we aren't competitive, just so that we can pay money to (in essence) have water stations on our long runs and people who have volunteered to stand around and cheer for us.

But the race was fine. I figured I'd just keep around a ten-minute pace-- better to run slow, considering it was a distance PR by nearly five miles. I hit mile 7 feeling tired but still okay, so I ate my jelly beans, drank some water, and went on autopilot.

Things got fun just before mile 8, when a woman who had laughed aloud at my shirt caught up to me. "I caught you!" she grinned at me. I remembered her from earlier: she was wearing a shirt that said "FINISH STRONG" in huge letters on the front. I grimaced at her (politely), and kept pace with her for about a mile before she began to pull away at the mile mark. I let her go, knowing I would have my revenge. I went through a brief rough patch, but caught her again around 1.5mi later. She asked me what my PR was. "It's my first," I said. She was impressed-- this was her fifth half marathon, and she was hoping to beat her PR of 2 hours 25 minutes. By the time she told me this, we were at 1 hour 55 minutes with only 5k to go. "You'll do it," I said. "We're set. I'll help you."We stuck together, silent for a while, forming a team. Company's nice in a race.

Plus, I love hills. I love them. In high school, I lived in the shenandoah valley, which is surrounded by mountains and filled with hills. And I ate them for breakfast. Obviously, if you don't train on them, you can't run them well, but in both training and races I absolutely relish them. And the last few miles of this course are gentle, deadly uphills... for 3 miles. Somehow I was feeling strong again (sports beans? I dunno), but I didn't want to push it too hard so I carried Jeannie up the biggest hill before leaving her in the dust at mile 11.5 and picking up the pace to catch as many people as I could before the end.

Jeannie achieved her goal and set a new PR. She hugged me after the race! I forgot to stop my watch, so I don't know my time. I ate half a bagel and took off quickly for the hotel to soak my feet and check out by noon. (Edit: results went up online, got my exact time and place)

the drive back went pretty well, other than getting distracted every 35 seconds by how totally beautiful Tennessee is. I pulled over twice to take photos-- the first time of a giant lot of destroyed cars, the second of an adorable train station and track. Still made it back in 4.5 hours though. And I'm not sore yet (tomorrow, I'm sure) and I ate a lot of chicken and I feel pretty good.

All is well after yesterday. ran the 1.7mi loop at lunch in ~14min, but it was super humid and I got worried about coming back too sweaty. I tried to cut back to work through a back way, but completely underestimated how far away I was, and ended up running around trying to find my way home...

In light of all the race reports, props to my Alabama brethren-- if you haven't read nevels' epic ARR recap, DO IT. It's amazing. Also, Bolingo won her division in b-ham yesterday at the Ruben Studdard Half (is it not wonderful that Ruben Studdard has a race? the race website includes his latest track) but was all sneaky and humble and didn't even make a race report.

Off to VA tomorrow, huzzah! I will have to bring my rain jacket. I think I will get new shoes, too-- any recommendations?

home sweet home! sort of

I haven't been writing with my entries because I brought the iPad, which only runs safari, which doesn't work well with FRB. but if i could have written on Wednesday, I would have said that I had a beautiful, hilly run through harrisonburg. Sprinted up some hills and thought about mortality.

Today my left hamstring and knee are hurting (knee not so bad; hamstring bad), so I'm going to rest and stretch tomorrow. Ran about a mile and then found my mom walking the dog, so I walked (limped) about 1.5 more with her. ouch!

Okay, I'm back. Well, not back back because I didn't run today, but no longer MIA.

I have been doing nothing but working and sleeping (okay, not sleeping). And pushups &c, the usual stuff. I'm focusing on my diet and habits a lot right now (whole foods, no substances, enough sleep) because in my mind these are the "building blocks" required for effective training and happy kids. As in, me. I'm the kid in this instance.

In the holiday season, it is traditional to overeat, worry to death about overeating, take time off work, and inconveniently travel long distances in prohibitive weather. I don't see why we all do this to ourselves, and I intend to have a December as free from holiday hype as possible. I am taking no time off; I am going nowhere except the lake to work on my boat. I refuse to stop running outside and I hope to drink less, not more.

Step one, this week, is to cut way back on sugar (seriously, it is in everything! I ate a bag of pretzels today only to notice it had dextrose in it, argh) and START SLEEPING.