Running is a means and never merely an end

Easy 5ish mile recovery run. My legs were killing me this morning thanks to my lack of a cool down yesterday, so this run really did me some good. I stretched and did a ice bath in the creek afterwards, and they feel amazing now! Freshly worked but well recovered.

.8 mile warm up, then my workout was a 3 mile tempo run on the track. I scheduled this workout more than anything as a mental workout to help me see 8 laps as short if I could do 12. That backfired and I ended up going out way too fast and, as a result, having to stop with 800 to go. I was shooting for 6:45-6:50's or so, and I went out with a 6:34, then a 6:48. With the 2 800m's of the last mile combined, minus the little break I took, the last mile was like 6:58. I don't know if the heat (85 and sunny) had anything to do with all that...but I was so disappointed in myself today for stopping. I've been dwelling on it all night. I couldn't even stick it out for 3 miles??

Anyways...10 minute cool down afterwards.

Very strange workout today....so after a 15 hour work day (got a code 6 from school!), mentally exhausted was an understatement. I finally got to the track around 9:30 and it was already really dark. After I warmed up, a man started walking on the track with his hands behind his back carrying something that the only light on the track would shine off of. Not trying to be dramatic at all but I am like 90% sure it was a blade. So I called Will and asked him to come down (he was in the dorm right across the street) and hang around while I did my workout just to be safe. So anyways I did 4x200 with a 200m jog in between, 3x800, 2x400m. First set was supposed to be 44's, I hit 42, 43, 42, 42. 2nd set was supposed to be mile race pace, or 2:45, but I had a really had time with that, and hit all 3 2:54's. 400's were supposed to be 78-80, and I hit 77, 79. Obviously I am disappointed in my 800's....but I really feel like I worked very hard on them. But then I was pleasantly surprised with the 400's. So then I was supposed to do a 10-15 minute cool down but mine ended up being like 4 and a half because the man freaked me out so bad by standing there on the bleachers - no one else around - watching me. Will had left right before my cool down aynyways so needless to say I wanted out of there. 

30 minute easy run. Didn't feel very easy though. I am definitely not adjusted to this summer weather yet. 6x80 meter strides and some icing on my legs afterwards. Definitely tapering down for state at this point. I think I have done my best to gear up physically these past few weeks, but I just hope I can get things under control mentally. I'm having a really hard time mentally preparing because I am still not sure if I am going to scratch the mile or not. See, the problem is I have a better shot to place well in the 3200 (which is after the 16), but I hate to make it all the way to state for the last meet of my high school career, and then scratch the 1600.

Well, there went the last practice of my high school career. Easy, short run + 6x100m strides. I tried to really just soak in every step and breath and enjoy it. Spent most of the run praying and just thanking God for the past 4 years of running that he has blessed me so greatly with. It's really incredible how it just flew by. I'm ready to go out there and just give it all I've got for Him and use up every ounce of this gift.

Well, my last state meet is tomorrow. It's really hard not to be nostalgic right now. But anyways, we went to Olive Garden and I carb-loaded, then we went back to the hotel and hung out for a while. Later on I did some barefoot strides in the hallways (raining outside) and all of my pre-run dynamic stretching, then static stretched for a little while. I took an ice bath too. I'm feeling good about tomorrow. Doing both the 16 and 32, and I'm gonna try and go all-out in both as long as it doesn't ge too hot. Here goes nothing!

So we got to the track around lunchtime. I watched a few prelims and then went and hammocked with Tori under the bleachers to get out of the sun for a while so I wouldn't be drained. At 2nd call, I checked in for the 1600, warmed up, then hung out under the check-in tent with most of the other milers. My adrenaline was pumping like crazy just talking to all of these girls that I have researched like crazy on MileSplit.

So anyways we finally made our way to the line. There were cameras absolutely everywhere - at least 6 or 7 professional photographers taking pictures and then 1 or 2 guys with those big video cameras that hooked up to the Jumbotron so everyone could see us up close. The mile is definitely a crowd favorite. That was all really overwhelming for me and definitely messed up my focus a little bit. So the gun goes off and we went out pretty fast. The lead girls left immediately and I hung back in my middle pack. First lap was 1:17, and everything stayed the same, then 800m split was 2:42 I think. At this point my legs were feeling so heavy and my mindset started to go downhill. I started thinking about how I still had to do the 2 mile after this, and wondering if I would ever forgive myself if I just gave up and didn't even run it. Needless to say, my 3rd lap was terrible with a 1:28 split. Last lap was a little bit better just because I wanted to be done so bad. I came through at a 5:39, 8 seconds slower than my 5:31 PR from last Saturday, in 9th place (granted, 1 ahead of my 10th place ranking) with no one really near me to challenge me at the end. That isn't an awful time, but seeing as I was dying so bad all season to break into the 5:20's...it was a little (aka, very) disheartening for me that this was my last chance and not only did I not get it, I backtracked.

I changed back into my trainers, took my recovery shake, and went on a short cool down to get some of my lactic acid out. This was my first year doing indoor track, so it was the first year that I ever literally ran all year long...my legs were on the brink of exhaustion and my mind was even worse off, I was driving myself crazy pushing so hard for so long. I started thinking about the 3200m coming up and I broke down. I pulled off during my cool down into a dugout in the softball field behind the stadium and just prayed. I asked God to just take this race from me and do with it what He would. I realized that God is not impressed with my times and his love for me is not reliant on whether I PR or not.

Hung out with my family, Tori, and Joseph for a little while and watched some hurdles and sprints. Then I went and warmed back up for the 2 mile and checked in. I felt really strange when the gun went off. Usually I have a gameplan, a strategy, a list of splits that I am trying to hit. But this time I felt totally unprepared, I didn't have anything. I was just running. First lap was 1:20. For the whole first mile, I was in 9th just drafting off of these two girls right in front of me who were battling back and forth. I felt like I was cruising, but somehow I was hitting my fastest splits all season. First mile was 5:59-6 flat. Right after the mile, I went ahead and pretty easily passed the two girls in front of me and moved into 7th. I thought a good bit about my prayer during the next two laps and that gave me a lot of strength. I was hurting but I knew it would pass eventually. My last lap was really strong, and really sentimental. Every hundred meters, I kept thinking, "This is my last ___ hundred meters of my high school career..." I couldn't breathe anymore at that point, but my legs were feeling so much better than in my mile, and I tried my best to just bust it till the end and finish on empty. My parents said my last 200m was the best kick they ever saw me have. I saw the clock as I came through the line and knew I had PR'd by at least a second, which would be a season best by at least 5 seconds. As I slowed, I smiled, then stumbled into the grass and collapsed. Right as I hit the ground, the rain came down and they announced that we needed to evacuate the stadium, but I was still just trying to breathe well again. Well apparently it was hail and thunder, but I was so gone I don't even remember that. Pretty cool though that that storm held off until right after I finished.

Officially I ran a 12:12.31 and placed 7th, one ahead of my ranking. It's incredibly bittersweet. I don't really know what to think about the race or the meet itself, but I am so thankful for how God worked through me and how he used this meet to teach me to trust in him and not myself. I also just can't believe that I am done with high school running forever. That was it. That being said, I am beyond excited to be a Terrier and I know I will soon break 5:30 and 12 flat with ease once I am training collegiately. I'm so pumped for all that is in store for me at Wofford, because as I look back on my 4 years running here at Smoky, I never would have imagined how blessed I would be. And yet....the best is yet to come.