Lulu's Challenge... rise from the ashes

I get a goose egg today. Major headache and stiff neck. I should have ran but I couldn't make myself.

Ran and Cried

The theme for tonight's run was run and cry, run and cry and run some more. My headache is horrible -- borderline migraine. My neck is stiff, and I know why. Tonight I went out to "trot around" as I tell Honey. I thought I wouldn't make a mile. My head was hurting so bad I started to cry about 3/4 of a mile into the run. Then I realized I wasn't crying because of physical pain, but all this emotional pain this stalking experience has inflicted on me. My head started feeling better about mile 3, but now is hurting again just like before. 

I am so MAD. I am mad that the University didn't protect me when I reported the major events of this four year episode. I am mad that they told me it was me, not him. I am mad that I have allowed this to affect many areas of my life including running. I am mad that there is now retribution being inflicted on me for reporting him and for finally getting a lawyer to make them do something, and they don't seem to see it or care. I am so MAD.

I also have a new name for the perpetrator. I have referred to him as a Yoyo or a Yahoo or the perpetrator in order to keep myself from being too negative. This, I realized while I was running tonight is called DENIAL. He is a MONSTER.

He is not the Elmo and Cookie Monster kinds of monsters I am surrounded by when I am with Bubbles (she loves Sesame Street characters, but she's never seen the show as we don't turn on the TV). BTW, she is totally in love with THE COUNT! She loved him in a picture book we had for her; then I downloaded some short vinettes from Youtube. Now she walks by my computer and says AH HA, HA, HA, HA, HAAA! And we count everything... yeah, she's 17 months old and doesn't know it. She also knows her right from her left and other strange things. That kind of scares me because I want her to be a kid, but she is so smart. The day care is talking about moving her in with the 2 and 3 year olds. She's already in there part of the day. I want her to be a kid and have fun.

So I am mad at this sick, sick monster who has pervaded my life. I am thinking of taking a leave of absence from my job to get my head together so I can be healthy again.

So I ran 5 miles tonight. I didn't do it on purpose, since I am trying to come back slowly from my injury. I just ran and ran. I could have run 10 but I want to be able to run tomorrow morning. I think I will feel better emotionally when I can run more miles. Running is good for my soul.

Early and easy.

Ok, I have a question for you experienced parents. As you know, I have a 17.5 month old who I call Bubbles. Honey and I were eating dinner with Bubbles the other night and we had brocolli among other things. Bubbles kept saying "flowers" when she would pick up the brocolli to eat it. She points out flowers all day long, so we thought nothing of it especially since brocolli is flowers. She points out real flowers, fake flowers, and picture of flowers. Sometimes, she also points to plants that have no flowers and says "flowers" and sometimes we correct her and say "No, those are plants." Other times she says, "plants." So today we had carrots, snap peas, rice and sliced beef with oranges. She kept pointing to the carrots and snap peas and saying "flowers." We said, "well the peas come from flowers (they are technically a fruit with seeds) and the carrot is a root of a plant." We asked her if the beef was a flower and she shook her head "no." We asked about the rice and got the same gesture. Rice is seed, and she doesn't appear to know that comes from a plant. We can't figure out how she knows the vegetables are plants. We asked the people at her daycare. They don't know either. The two and three year old teacher has her for part of the day and says they have vegetables on flash cards, but they just go over the names of them. She can't figure it out either - she has her theories. How in the world does she know what she is eating is plants? Nothing she eats looks like anything in our yard. We buy it all at the grocery store.

Good steady run at medium pace. My neck and head are still killing me.

EEOC called me today to further their investigation into my case. It was a 20 minute conversation that I wasn't exactly prepared for even though I have been trying to mentally prepare for it for nearly six months. Yes, that is how long ago I filled with them and the Louisiana Commission on Human Rights. The lady I talked to really let me know she knew what the laws were and how to interpret them. I am sure she does. I know I don't. It is terribly confusing since my complaint with the LCHR and EEOC is such as small part of my case. The phone conversation ended with her telling me she needed to consult their lawyer to further understand what they (the EEOC) needed to do.

Well, she got it. She figured out how complicated it is. She was supposed to be unbiased but I could tell she was mortified about the little bit I did get to tell her. Her interest was sure peaked when I told her that he was gone from the position as of 29 February 2008. She was quite interested to know that I was notified of this about two weeks after my lawyer sent the first letter requesting a meeting with the Chancellor to amicably solve this.

All the EEOC is likely to do is issue me a right to sue in federal court. And, we can use their documentation of their investigation for my case. If they don't issue me a right to sue, we sue in state court. The main goal of the lawsuit is to stop the retribution from my reporting the Monster's behavior and also to set into place some protocol so that this doesn't happen to someone else. Also, I need to tell my story. The secrecy the University demands allows this type of behavior to continue. Stay tuned....

Ran easy late.

Struggled through this one. Very dehydrated from last night still.