Believe to Achieve

no 5k.   no sleep and  construction in way and didn't feel like running a diversion through the parking lot.  Kim and Jane were going to run 10 beforehand and pace me so I just met them at 515am on NO sleep AGAIN-- CHRONIC insomnia happening here even with 1/4 xanax (anymore and I would have collapsed midrun from hangover feeling).  I slept from 1030 to 2 then  I was awake wondering what to do with myself and tried NOT to think of anything stressful.  I tossed and turned and apparently fell back to sleep as I awoke again at 4:51 am.  Hmmmmm .....it is here where my decision to "scratch" the 5 k and run down the AF canyon with my friends  looked "easier" to me.    So meeting them we started at about 5:40am at the reservoir running 1/2 mile up on the dirt road there and turned around.  Their plan was to beat last years time (6:37AP for their  "easy" run).  They can cough up 6mm on AF so obviously going faster than 6:37 is easy for them.  And it is for me but I was just too tired from two long incredibly busy shifts at work (lots and lots of babies and lots and lots of sick babies!!) and honestly no continuous restful sleep.  I decided to run what felt easy for me and didn't push the pace at all when they did.  It wasn't worth the exhaustion to me.  Also this was BY FAR the BUSIEST AF canyon has been on any of my runs up there and it was early!!  I am sure there were at least 40-50 cars that sped up hill and since I was behind my friends a distance  I was on my own and my vision is going literally I slowed often with anxiety for my life.   I like to run on the left side of the road and my friends the right-- but I stayed on the left so no cars would come up behind me and kill me.  There were only five or six cars that came down however in that time. I should have just stayed on the right but it freaked me out-- the UNknown.  IT WAS DARK!!  I zigzagged all the way down stopping in the dirt at times to avoid falling off into the river.  If  it were daylight my eyes would have allowed me to know what to  do but blindness hindered me.  I am such a whiner this morning.  After I was out of the canyon I was so overstimulated that I just slowed it down to take in my run and feel my NEW shoes under my feet.  They felt great the entire run!!  almost too good if that is possible.  I stopped and peed at mile 9 of the timp half where there was a water fountain but no potties (odd) and when I went to pull up my pants (it was slightly dark but I was quite visible) lo and behold a guy was jogging towards me.  He got the  full monty that is for sure.   Dang!! sorry I really am modest.    I didn't make eye contact when I passed him.  The other three girls Kim, Jane and Madison had stopped earlier and I just kept going. They eventually zoomed passed me but I departed by turning right at Deerfield Elem and they turned left-- I wanted to be alone and not have pressure to smoke the course.  But as my garmin beeped 10 (I didn't include our warmup mile) I had a momentary thought to see if I could go fast the last 2 since I had slowed to a 7:28 pace for that last mile.   Itook me about 15 seconds in to this mile to tell myself I could do it.   I saw my pace at 7:08 and said okay Julie now or never and I ended up EASILY running a 6:32 and 6:17 mile for a fast finish.  Those last two miles felt the best out of all of them.  AP for 12 miles 6:56.  This was all easy and nothing forced.  The others got back after me-- their breathing seemed labored (I guess they all got walking pneumonia 3 weeks ago) and they were sweating quite a bit (they said it all felt good to them-- I am sure 2:55 marathon is in their stars from all this fast training).  This was my least sweatiest run thus far!!  It gives me hope that IF I sleep the next several nights until the last night before SG I can shoot for subthree-- the key here is sleep and repairing and rejuvenating my body and it is not happening.  Kim gave me one ambien and then for the next two nights she gave me some melatonin.  Please OH please I need sleep!!