St. George Marathon - 2:33:08 I know that a lot of people would have a hard time agreeing with me that a 5th place at St. George was a poor performance, but this may be up there as one of my three most disappointing race days in my life (the other two being XC as a Jr. in high school when I placed 4th at State and our next three coming in in position to win State only to see our 5th man have a horrible race and drop us to 3rd; and my Sr. year in State when our team wasn't quite as good - still 3rd - but I was trying for an individual State title and was only able to muster a 3rd of my own). And, again, I am sure some people would be mad at me for talking like that; after all those two performances as well as today look good on the surface. But it could have been so much more... so much more. Temps were very warm at the start and I was feeling good as I warmed up in the corral. I felt positive, body felt great, mind seemed strong and the gun was off. 1-5:38, first my was very controlled. It felt great. Peter Vail moved out front on us a little toward the end of this mile (or start of 2nd) and gained a little ground. 2-5:39, was already noticing how warm it was. Was sweating pretty heavily. Chase group was strong: Logan, Clyde, Pepi, Danny Moody, Aaron and myself. We kept the mood light and relaxed. 3-5:20, still moving fine. Just keeping relaxed and talking XC. 4-5:13, move down the little hill toward Morningside and happy that things are so relaxed and the running is so easy. Aaron had left us to start working up to Vail. 5-5:19 (27:08), looked like Aaron would easily take over Vail and that would open up 2nd to our group. 6-5:17, the pace was still comfortable enough to talk and joke about the cameras following Aaron's every move (it was as if the whole race was staged for him to win - I guess it was!). 7-5:14, dropping into Veyo. I didn't have a drop until 11, so I took water at 5 and slid by this one. As a group we decided to keep together up Veyo and not push it. 8-6:04, up the volcano very easy. Watched Aaron take over the lead as he easily dropped Vail on the hill. 9-5:50, finished cresting the hill and breathed deep. On the little drop as you round the corner and start working up the first part of Dameron I moved past Vail into 2nd and just kept going fully expecting Logan and others to come with me. But no one did. I looked around and realized that everyone was fading a little and a feeling of joy and excitement about having my teammates with me to go push out an awesome 2nd half and try and go for a win now put a little bit of fear in me. 10-5:42 (55:17), kept moving at a relaxed pace hoping for Logan and Clyde to regain a little. No one came. In my head I started to get worried. I had been in this position before. I felt a little sluggish here and decided to stay very calm to prepare myself for a strong 2nd half. 11-5:58, took my drink and struggled a little to take my Gu. Although Aron was only about 1 1/2 minutes up on me, I felt like it was miles; and I had only been on my own for a couple miles, but it felt like an eternity. 12-5:44, kept the mindset of letting the 1st half and these hills be easy. But I continued to feel sluggish. 13-5:29, 1:12:50'ish at the half. My position was great and my time was great. But I was not great. I was already in trouble. 14-5:31, just tried to relax and tell myself that if I could get another mile or two out of my system I would start feeling better and could do a good push on the last ten. 15-5:17, my times were fine here. Why did I feel so horrible about things. I really defeated myself in these miles. 16-5:06, coming off the volcano. A very respectable mile. Aaron was still on 1 1/2 up on me. As I write this I had started to calm down about my disappointment (realizing that it is only a race and I've got so much else in life), but looking at this split I am getting frustrated again. I was fine here, but I felt like there was no chance for me. I totally defeated myself before I even had a chance to succeed - dang it Dave, why do you do that? I felt that if my buddies were there I/we could have done anything. But all on my own I didn't have a chance. I'm bummed... 17-5:32, bumped into Corbin Talley as he ran up to cheer his wife. He tells me 1 1/2 back - why didn't I register that I had kept the gap for the last 8 miles? - but I can only respond that I am done. He tells me to hang in and just relax because you never know what will happen up front. (Up front, I find out later, Aaron is actually cramping. Although he works it out, I could have gained here.) 18-5:46, I do try and tell myself to just relax again until the top of Winchester and then I can get it going. I tried to tap into the confidence of the workout earlier this summer that I burned from 19 down. 19-6:41, I might as well have been walking up the hill at Winchester. I was barely moving, I felt spacey, and I quit on myself. As I hit the aid station at 19 some of the XC kids were there (as well as my ward). Trevor had my drink and I had him rip off my Gu. Then I started to walk. My legs were gone, but my mind was gone. I had an absolute meltdown. I was weaving; I was crying; and Trev was grabbing my arm pushing me and yelling at me that I had to get going or I would cramp up. I don't remember much more. 20-6:18 (1:52), Pepi passed me and it was 2008 all over again. I had run a large portion of the race in 2nd all by myself and now someone came by me and what else was there to run for. I tried briefly to convince myself that there was a good time to be had still and if I could regroup I could gain back my spot - that was a very brief thought. 21-6:15, I walked through every aid station from here on out. My feet were on fire. I dumped water all over me. I wanted to rip off my shoes and run barefoot. I was fine if everyone in the whole race passed me. 22-7:19, walked up the hill out of the twist. I wanted to walk the whole way. Toward the top the 3rd place finisher catches me. 23-6:12, I had run a sub 35 on the last 7 miles 1 1/2 months ago (feeling strong but controlled). If I could have done that today...? 24-6:32, I lose my 4th and 5th spot in a matter of seconds. 25-6:24, I am ashamed at myself. But I go catch back up with 5th; I don't know why.
26-6:16, people are cheering and say I look great. If they only knew. .2-1:25 (6:27 pace), dazed I watch the crowd looking for Al and the girls. See them near the end. Glad that 6th didn't try and come back on me. (Last Ohana 89) I couldn't contain my emotions at the end. I just stood in the mist and cried a bit. I was really disappointed, really disappointed. A lot like 2008 but exchange the cold and wind for hot. Really don't want to say too much else now. Last year I was so mad that I wanted to quit. I don't want to quit now, but I don't know where to go from here. PM - 5 Parkway. Couldn't sleep tonight, so I headed out at about 11:20 and just ran the Parkway. It rained this evening and the clouds had broken leaving a slight briskness to the air (ironic huh?) and I just watched the stars and a lightning storm clear out over the Strip. And I thought a lot - just let the mind go. By the way; the soreness is starting to show up now. (Kinvara 183.25)
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