The Qwer Old Fella's Marathon Method

6:00 a.m. Easy 13 miles. Was going to do a 15 but opted for 13 as I felt I needed time to recover before launching into this week's workouts. I'll do a 'cheeky little' 6 tonight, just to stretch the legs.

Although I felt that I needed time to recover, when I woke this morning and started doing my AIS, I felt much better than I thought I would. After yesterday's Threshold run I was zubed.

Strange how the body says, "Ok, this is another week, forget last week and let's go again." Well, I'm kind of hoping that's how it works - I'll see how things go tonight...

7:30 a.m. 8 miles relaxed - about 7:00-7:10 pace. Feel fully recovered and raring to get stuck into tomorrow's session of 6x1mile @current 10k pace (5:40ish) off 60 sec's rec. Hopefully the wind will stay settled for tomorrow.

6:00 p.m. 8 miles easy with a bit of a pick-up between miles 5 and 7. Ran without a watch but AP was probably around 7 pace.

6x1 mile @ current 10k pace off 6o sec's

v

Bam

In the mizzle, on the Tralee to Blenerville road, at hign noon under the watchful eye of the Slieve Mish mountains, a bloody battle took place, a battle that saw the pummelling of a human spirit. Bam the big chat pretender took on the venerable workout of the distance legends and he was left humiliated. Crushed. He didn't pay the session the necessary respect. He went out too fancy and too fast and was reduced to a pathetic mess. 6x1 mile @ 10 k pace - what a doddle, he thought, especially the way I'm improving. Ho, ho chaps, it was messy.

3 mile warm up with 6 fancy pants strides. The session: effort 1, 5:32. A tad too fast, he thought, but maybe not. Maybe I'm gonna pull out another one of those sessions that show how well I'm improving. Before he knew it, the 60sec's were up and he was off again.

2, 5:36, that's okay, he thought, that's where I want this session to be, just hang onto that pace and finish with a sub 5:36 and you'll have a nice session. Still panting like a dog in the desert and the 60 sec's have whizzed by. He's cheating now, perhaps 68 sec's rec. He's off.

3, 5:37, and that was harder than it should've been. No time to focus on the session, the 60 sec's are up. Is that 70 sec's? He's off. His mind wanders. His legs feel heavy. Sluggish. The road seems long. He doesn't check the splits. He ploughs on. Forms gone.

4, 5:41. That's shocking. Desperate. That's jogging. He knows it's over. There's no point slogging out a 5:5x and a 6:0x. He's quit. The shame's too much. He looks at the passing cars and trucks for answers, as if the answer's in the eyes of the drivers. Drivers, something I'll never be, he thinks. What's the point? I'm pants.

He jogs back to the gate where he left his trainers and change of clothing. He changes in the mizzle. Embarrassed. He jogs home carrying his flats. Should I even own a pair of racing flats? he thinks.

He passes workers, out getting their lunch. He knows they're thinking, Jakers, that guys running slow. What's the point of that. Some kid dressed in sports gear and a hurley in hand, smiles at him and says, "Hi." I'll give you hi, he thinks. I'll stick that hurley where the sun don't shine, sunshine. But he smiles and glances at the ground. The kid knows that Bam's a quitter.

He makes it home. The house is empty. Milk and a dollop of agave syrup. A banana. Type up this rubbish. Shower. And now he's smiling. Why? Cause he knows that after his lunch he can have something most people can't - a nap. He will not dream about doing 6x1 mile in 5 minutes and 36 poxy seconds. No. He'll dream he's doing 3x2 mile off 30 sec's and each rep will be, le't see now... ah yes, 9:50:)

7:30 p.m. 6 miles easy. Well, I've sold my soul. No, not to the Devil - something far worse. I had a business meeting (like the mtg's Bret has)today and I've sold out. Rather than me waffle on about it, I'll hand you over...

Hello folks. My name's Tiddles Maloney, cub reporter for The Sporting Universe - the biggest selling sports mag in the universe. Yep, we bring you all the news, scoops, in-depth interviews and the Under My Skin features etc etc etc.

Today, of all days, Bam signed a deal to let me get under his skin for the next three years, as he prepares to run sub 2:20 for the marathon at the grand old age of 50:) I'll be with him 24/7 and promise to give you a more objective view of his progress - I've taken over his blog.

Don't worry, I'll report his training etc. But on the non-workout days I'll be getting right under his skin and showing you the real Bam. To kick things off - tomorrow - I'll be asking Bam 20 quick fire, hard-hitting questions. No nonsense. Serious business. To give you a little teaser, here's one of the less intrusive questions:

Is it true that you cheated your way into the final of the English national 3000m championships and if so, how and why?

Let me tell you, chaps and chapettes, I go where lesser men fear to go. I ask the hard questions and demand honesty. Stay tuned and find out the truth about the looper who truly believes that he'll break the world best time for the marathon in the 50 + age group.

Hey, lace 'em up, get out there, and put the miles in your smiles:)

Hey, hey, folks. Welcome to Bam’s Blog. My name’s Tiddles Maloney of The Sporting Universe – the top selling sports magazine in the universe. Wow, have I got a scandal for you today. But first, I have to tell you that Bam and I were up nice and early this morning (6:30). Bam dropped out a cheeky little 8 miler, as I followed on a bike.

Yesterday I left you with the 20 quick questions teaser thingy-ma-bob. Things have changed. Bam’s candid recounting of his bamboozling and scandalous escapades have flummoxed me. His duplicity has left me dumbfounded. I didn’t get round to asking Bam the other 19 questions. But I will...

Before we set out on our 8 miler this morning, I watched Bam doing his AIS. He took care with each and every movement. Disciplined and precise. Rhythmic. He told me he felt tired and that his legs were a bit stiff, but overall he was fine. It was strange to see him sprawled out on the floor, nonchalantly stretching in the same living-room where he had only hours earlier told me something that he’d never told a living soul. A secret he’d carried for over thirty years. And perhaps, buried somewhere in the subtext of his words lies a clue to what makes this complex man tick.

Here’s what happened last night:

I was sat at the computer in the corner of the apple-green coloured living-room, having gone over my notes and Bam was sat on a sofa, watching the Olympic boxing. It was about 10:30 p.m. Bam’s wife and kids had hit zed-land. I thought I should get my first question in. So, after some small talk, I fired off the question:

T.M. - Is it true that you cheated your way into the final of the English national 3,000m championships and if so, how and why?

(He carried on watching the boxing and answered after about two or three seconds)

Bam.- I was only 16 and it was the English Schools Track and Field Championships in Yeovil, Somerset in 1981. I was on a four man team representing the British Forces Education Services in Germany. The other three lads were doing field events. In fact, I was the first ever person to represent the B.F.E.S.  on the track in the English schools. The qualifying standard for the 3,000m’s was 8:57. If you had the standard and won your respective county championships, you qualified. Only 14 people qualified, so it was a straight final. (There were many more than 14 who had done the time but they might have been in the 1,500m or the 800m or they might not have won their relevant county championships. If you were coming from the British Forces Education Services Abroad – you just had to do the time.)

T.M. – So you did the time and qualified. I don’t understand – where’s the cheating?

(He turned and gave me a hard look. His dark eyes revealed nothing. A skill, perhaps, he’s mastered over the years.)

Bam – I didn’t say that I’d done the time.

To be continued…

Hey, hey, Tiddles here. Sorry to leave so abruptly but I had to nip into town with Bam and the kids. He bought Running Times (not a jot on The Sporting Universe) Nearly 6 Euro and I believe that folks in the US get it at a smidgeon of that price.

He did a 6 miler this evening. About the same pace as this morning, although he did appear to be moving with more fluency. Anyway, where were we? Ah yes…

Bam – I didn’t do the time.

(He looks around the room. I notice photographs on the mantelpiece above the open fireplace.) Bam’s a chunky fella in the shots. He’s shed some lard since those pics were snapped. His eyes come back on me.)

Bam - I ran 9:48 in a local race and changed the certificate to 8:48 and then took it to my teacher – he wouldn’t have known 8:48 from 10:48, he just knew I was the best runner in the school and the best runner in Germany  (in a B.F.E.S. school - not hard) and he duly sent off the certificate to whomever. Next thing I knew, I was selected and told I’d be staying with a family in Taunton – near Yeovil – and given the dates when we’d be flying etc.

T.M. - Hold up. Whatd’ya mean, you changed the certificate?

Bam – This was back in the days of typewriters; there were no computers. I used Tipex paper – you know, you pop the paper over the character you want to remove, type the character and it’s gone. Vanished. So I removed the ‘9’ and replaced it with an '8'. Abracadabra, I’m on my way to the nationals.

(I haven’t the foggiest about these typewriters and magic paper, but I nod.)

T.M.- So nobody authenticated the time and it was as easy as that?

Bam - Yep.

T.M. – But why did you do it. Surely you knew you’d be found out, didn’t you?

Bam – I did it to impress a girl. You know, so that she, along with the whole school would think that I was some sort of cool track star. Didn’t work. When I got back from England she was going with one of my mates. But I didn’t get caught.

T.M. - How come you didn’t get caught? Surely when you ran, they knew you hadn’t done the time. Where did you finish, or did you drop out feigning injury?

Bam – No, I didn’t drop out – I’m not a quitterJ. I finished 13^th – a lad dropped out. The race was won by Adrian Passey, who later went on to run in the Olympic 5,000m or 10,000m, I think in L.A. He nearly lapped me. I remember the crowd, about 15,000, cheering me in the blazing sun on the cinder track. I suspect they thought I was brave and gutsy to carry on. Afterwards, Passey told his grandmother that I got a bigger cheer than him. He seemed pretty peeved about that. The guy lacked grace. I never got caught. Never told a soul. But I got a taste for the old running malarkey. Anyway, I’m off to bed. Early start tomorrow.

(Off he went. I sat there gobsmacked. Then something struck me and I called him back)

T.M. - Did you feel guilty?

Bam - All my life.

T.M. - How come you were in a British forces school in Germany and running in the English champ's and all that, if you're Irish?

Bam - Now that's a good question, but I'm too tired to sit here and explain it all at this time of night.

Now as I look over my notes and see some of the things that I’m going to broach, I'm starting to wish I hadn't accepted this assignment. This Bam fella's a complete and utter bampot.

Hey, hey folks. Welcome to Bam's blog. Tiddles Maloney here and as I'm sure you well know, I'm a cub reporter on The Sporting Universe - the top selling sports magazine in the universe.

Wow, what a scoop yesterday. First day on the job and I drop in a front page head turner. I've been thinking of headlines and straps: GOTCHA! Bam the bamboozler busted for pulling a fast one.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. This morning, Bam did his usual 8 mile recovery run. Not a drop of rain. But the cornucopia of clouds covering the sky would have had Bret the alligator Jardine heading indoors for his comforter: the treadmill:)

I've settled in to Bam's house and I have to say, I've been made to feel like one of the family. The nosh is good and healthy and plentiful. The kids are entertaining. And of course, with the Olympics on the television, every second's a joy.

I've been busy working out how to bring all the news and gossip from Bam's life to you and I've a few gems lined up...

Last night, I spent time chatting with Bam and his family about his training and his goals. I had to be careful, as I nearly revealed my true identity. Must shoot, something's cropped up. This is Tiddles Maloney, for now, saying toodlepip from Bam's yard.

...Back again. Wow, that Bam can sleep. Takes an afternoon nap. This evening he ran 3 miles out to a boreen on the Slieve Mish Mountains and banged out 8x8 sec's hill sprints off a 2 min walk rec. Then he ran the three miles home.

Great setting for a nice session. The boreen's canopied by trees and ferns adorn the banks of the hillside road. The scent of wet foilage intoxicated and the pitter-patter of Bam's feet was the only sound. I'll tell you this, it reminds me of a place dear to my heart, a place I miss dearly.

Great stuff.

Hey, hey, folks. Welcome to Bam’s blog. Tiddles Maloney here (cub reporter on The Sporting Universe – the best selling sports magazine in the universe.) Guess what? It’s raining over this of the pond.

Bam did 10.5 miles at 10:30 a.m. including 3.5 miles of brutal climbing in the Slieve Mish Mountains. A decent workout: at about 10k race effort. He was blowing like an old woman loaded with grocery bags.

Tonight, after Bam’s 6 mile shakeout, I’ll have some decent stuff for you. But for now I’ll sign off as we’re all going swimming. Yipee – can’t think of anything worse...

Back again, folks. What an afternoon. Hit the pool with the Bamster and family and then stayed home while Bam went out in the rain for his 6 miles shakeout. Bam in a swimming pool – what a sight. He looked like a stick insect.

Anyway, while Bam was doing his shakeout I spent time considering my notes and the last couple of days. Loads to throw at you but first I’ll clear a few things up, as there appears to be some confusion.

Of course I’m not Tiddles Maloney. I’m not a lumberjack or a character either –sorry JakeJ I’m a leprechaunJJ I’m Sean the running guru – the leprechaun from Bam’s early days on the site. My mission’s to keep Bam on the straight and narrow – off the booze and fags and bad food. Yeah, okay he’s a tad nuts but that’s all part of the metamorphoses. We all know he isn’t going to run anywhere near 2:20. But he is in shape. His sessions and miles are all true (RobJ) as is the 3000m ‘stuff’ from the other day. I need to get him to trawl through the darkness so that he can come through into the light and stay there etc.

I think he’s beginning to accept that he’ll do well just to stay fit and healthy. But that doesn’t mean that I will not have him out on the roads running 10k’s and marathons etc.

I have a plan. I want him to do the Tralee marathon and set three goals A, B, & C. ‘A’  will be very tough on a tough course but you never know. ‘B’ will be hard too and ‘C’ will be realistic and commendable – all things considered. But I’ll deal with those things on another day.

Also, just to let you know, I’ll be doing interviews with members of his family and his friends etc. I’ll be ripping apart his life and here’s a real taster for you: handy boxer, studied philosophy and literature at Warwick university – even though he left school with hardly a qualification to his name,  lived in Botswana for two years and Kenya for a year; he had to escape from Kenya into Uganda under the cover of night and bribe a border guard, he was the editor of a best selling tabloid newspaper and owned a national tabloid newspaper, he retrained as a physical therapist and set up a successful clinic that’s still running today, a team of 8 close protection officers (bodyguards) were assigned to guard him and his family and then you’ve got all the gangsters and organized crime stuff. No wonder this guy hit the bottle. But can he stay off it? Can he sort out a goal and stick to it? Can I sort out a way of relaying the details of all this ‘stuff’ and keep Bam motivated, even though that might mean he gets bogged down in a mire of mediocrity?

8 miles easy. Legs feeling ok and looking forward to another 8 tonight to finish off the week.

Managed to get rid of that looper, Tiddles Maloney. Told me last night that he was a leprechaun. Takes all sorts to keep this little ball spinning. Just read over his posts - think he was on something. Although, I've been thnking about some of his points...

Had planned on doing an 8 and taking the weekly miles over 110 but opted for a cheeky little 6.