THOU SHALT BE A COMEBACK

10 with the crew on the HS course, no watch, pace waxed and waned but nothing fast.  They surprised me with a BAA jacket for my send-off to Boston.  Very sweet and generous gift!  It was chilly this morning, off to sleep before the big ice storm hits tonight.

ez on the home treddy.  I would love to be more noble but really I only ran out of obligation because I did eat a lot today, one of those things that happens when you are up for over 24 hours.  Work all night, school cancelled, one of those deals.

6:00 death workout today.  It didn't go great, but it went okay.  I am so tired, still feeling the effects of chronic sleep deprivation, but legs felt decent enough.  I would like it to have gone better, but I'm not gonna force a workout.  up to 4.5 miles total of 6:00 pace today.  So, 2 mile warm up ez, 2.1 miles 6:00 pace, .5 jog, 1 milw 6:00, .4 jog, 1 mile 6:00, .25 jog, .4 miles at 6:00 pace, cooldown.  It's a wee little bit improvement.

ez by my daughter's school in the sun!  This was nice, missed my run yesterday, super stressed from a bunch of crap at work and sleep won.

No run today....I'm gonna have to chalk this up to an "off" week.  I do plan on getting 15 or 16 on the treddy tomorrow.  I only got 3 hours of sleep after work then got up to attend a funeral.  I had to go pick up my daughter's meds after and she will be out of school soon and will need me, not to mention I am desperate for laundry and a little housecleaning, and am pretty work-distressed and life-distressed today.  My body and mind are tired. I plan to put this week behind me and start anew for the new one.  It's a great thing that I get to wake up and start new again day after day after day.  Our gift of life is precious.  Rest in peace Shannon.

short on time.  home treddy.  5 minute warm up.  15 x 1 min on/off.  5 minute cooldown.  This week was definitely just kinduva loss.  life happens!

Back at it today. Started my no sugar, mostly raw vegan diet today..a good physical and soul cleanse until Boston. Breakfast was fruit, coffee, almond milk. Parked at scp and ran the first 13 pretty fast, my watch died at mile 3 but I was at sub 7 pace and don't think I slowed much. Ran to Rogers house then we ran ez back to the park for the last 4. 10 minutes of core and a peanut butter banana after.

Ez by Vanessa's school

I'm gonna vent.  Working nights SUCKS!  Single motherhood SUCKS!  All done. Rant finished.  Exhausted.  Very busy and trying time at work all night, preceded by not-a-lot of sleep, then straight home to asthma baby, no school, and my phone blew up.  It blew up and blew up and blew up--texts, phone calls, much more than usual,and of course the needs of my child. by 11am I was nearly in tears, spent, tired, so tired-of-being-this-tired.  I play out these 24 and 36 hour stretches of sleeplessness once or twice every week. every freaking week!!  Guess I was just kidding--rant not quite over.  I did catch a break from noon until 3 and then got up and made coffee and dressed and bathed myself and my child and went and got toilet paper because we were out and called and argued with the electric company and finally, finally, got on the treadmill.  Bastille, I love Bastille.  Great band.  7 miles easy but inserted 5x45seconds/75 seconds off at 5:27 pace in the middle.  Another day down.  Yay!

I look so pudgy in the mirror these days, glad I haven't weighed, so was feeling pretty blah when I dragged myself to the treadmilll after getting Vanessa from school--I was working our association education symposium all day which was a huge success so I was happy with that.  Anyways once I got going I began to feel better and just did a solid speedwork session instead of the 6:00 death workout,

2 mile warm up

3 x 1 mile in 6:00 with .25 recovery

4 x 800 at 5:56. 5:52, 5:49, 5:49 pace with .25 recovery

jogged another easy .25 then one last cooldown mile in 6:40 to enjoy how easy it felt compared to the rest of the paces today

ez on the home treddy

Ez with part of the crew on the HS course after getting stomped at work--completely creamed and I was exhausted but it was a satisfied kind of exhaustion, I had a lot of sick sick people and they got better and it was just one of those nights where I felt like I was on top of my game and made good calls and caught subtle stuff and was fast and flawless and efficient and sharp.  Lots if high fives with my trusty pardner Pete.  I haven't had an awesome superhero shift like that in a looooong time.  It's mostly been those shifts where I swear everybody just dies and there is nothing I can do and I suck and my skills suck and I am missing intubations and iv's because I just suck and I should rip off my paramedic patch and stomp all over it and quit and never ever ever come back. Last night, for a change, I did not suck.  :)  But boy did it wipe me out and off to bed,

I'm going to bed, and doubt I will get a run today.  Selection Sunday.  Thoughts for today.  Wichita State.  I live in basketball madness, USA.  Discuss.  :)

Spring break is not a break.  Dismal 3 day off but my motivation plummeted--couldn't get myself on the treadmill since I have Vanessa.  Today we went to a track after the board meeting and before work and she played in the 'sandbox' while I ran laps.  :)  4.5 weeks from Boston and my training is sub-par.  I am going to run Boston for joy and fun and not even sweat the time at this point.  I will do whatever my body allows that day.  And then, I suspect I will disappear into ultraworld and may never return.

Well, it's a month before Boston, and I am struggling.  I worked all night, came home, and crawled into bed.  I slept pretty good because Vanessa watched tv and netflix all day.

I feel horrible.  We've had too many days like this.  When I got up, there was time to run before work but I just couldn't get on the treadmill and essentially ignore my daughter some more.  We read books and did other stuff instead. 

I hate the treadmill.  I just cannot make myself stare at that cabinet any more.  I love running, the ground beneath  my feet, the freedom, I do--but I do not love running on the treadmill while my child is babysat by electronics.  It's just a chore. 

I'm about to vent a little--I'm having a harder and harder time reconciling single parenthood, work, and running.  Working at night is killing me.  Running outside can only occur when Vanessa is at school, or if I run laps on a track and pray she occupies herself, or if I get a babysitter.  That is it.  I cannot just up and run outside.  Usuallly when she is in school, I need to be sleeping.  I've been foregoing sleep for the last two years but maybe I have aged because I cannot handle it any more.  I drag at work, I struggle at 3am, and then when she is on spring break I sleep all day and she watches tv, and then, what, get up and run while she watches more tv???  I feel like a terrible horrible mother.  I feel more and more like I am maybe putting my needs first instead of hers.

I'm no longer training.  I'm running when I can for maintenance and I will be able to enjoy Boston, hang with my girl Julie, enjoy my vacation from reality.  But beyond that I'm not sure where to go with it.

I've had my time in the sun.  I have ran my sub-3, I have won my races, I have run my 100 miles.  To everything there is a season.  Now may be the time to run for fitness only, and no longer pressure myself to not sleep or stare at my cabinet on the treadmill.

I work at night.  I raise my child, and she is young and needs me, she will only be so young once.  I'm tired.  This is just the feeling of the day, tomorrow I'm sure I will be on the treadmill, but I am really re-thinking priorities and trying to decide how I should structure our lifestyle, mine and Vanessa's, for the next few years while she is still so young and needs me.  I will of course be doing some praying but today I was so sad that my child watched tv for 8 hours.

I spent the morning making cookies and writing and reading with my angel, and she played happily while I put in a little time on the home treddy.  I am so vain, so vain that I don't want my chubby self to be seen at the Y running because of a bit too much comfort food this month.  Hopefully I can run long on Monday while Vanessa is in school if my motivation allows.  I have a month to at least get to a comfortable weight to enjoy my run in Boston.  20 minute warm-up, 10 x 1min on/off 6:00 pace, cooldown.

Long, watchless, casual stroll through the great oudoors. Sunny and crisp, totally enjoyable.

The wind outside is ridiculous, to the point of folding trees in half so I hit the East Y.   treddy first, 6 miles at 6:40 pace then 2 easy then 2 more easy on the track.  then some abs.  I actually really enjoy this lacksadaisy run how and when I can and want deal.  With the pressure gone it's just sorta enjoyable.

ez.  not watch.  gale force winds but it was warm and sunny!

40 degrees and still.  too perfect so I was just relaxed and kept running and running.

7:51 AP.  Vanessa is at her dad's this weekend, so after work I joined the HS crowd in the morning.  Had a good run with Nick and Kyle.  off to bed!!

ez in the sunny tornado.  I am in wave 2, corral 4, at Boston. So, I will basically spend my first  miles just trying to get out of the crowd so I Can run my race.  oh well, I am going to enjoy the ride!!!