Today was NOT my day. It took me until 9 or 10PM to decide what to do. Lauren was doing baptisms for the dead and needed to be at the church at 6:30AM and the runs I was deciding between were at 6, 7 and 9ish. Only problem with the 9ish was Lauren also wanted to go to her friend's mother's funeral that died unexpectedly Sunday. That meant I needed to be home and ready to leave by 11:00. Oh the dreary life of a responsible adult! To top it off my heart just wasn't in running. Friday had been hard and I didn't really want to, Saturday was just worse.
I decided to do the 6AM run, but that meant leaving Lauren high and dry to walk in the dark to the church. I contacted a leader to pick her up, but it wasn't until 6:05 that I got a response! Talk about mommy guilt :/ Then since Lauren and Craig were gone I had to lean on my nephew to be able to help the boys if needed before Lauren or I got home. So with that all in play I figured the earlier I get home the better and the 6:00 run was close to me and earliest.
My heart just wasn't there. I always have a bad depressed day after Craig leaves, this was just unfortunately it. I was bad company. I didn't want to talk. I had nothing to talk about. Running wasn't making me feel better - I suck at running. Seriously. I hate constantly being in the back of the group lately and sucking it up. I was in the back again having a pity party and poor Amy was stuck with me since she was the driving force behind me being there. I finally got moving and took off on the little bit of downhill and flat, but guess what?!? by the time the hill came I was at the back again. Yup. I suck. I'm just getting tired of it. Kimberly was nice and tried to run and chat with me, but I just wasn't in the mood. Just get the damn run over with please. I wanted to be at home in bed. I didn't want to run. I wanted to eat and have a pity party. Running wasn't changing it.
I felt bad because there were a lot of new people I really liked and wanted to chat with (in hindsight) but I just didn't have it in me. I hung out at the back like the runner I'm intended to be and just did my own thing silently. I was NOT good company. I was having a bad day, to say the least. The new people probably think I'm the grumpiest person they've ever met. Oh well. Hopefully I can change first impressions.
One of the girls had done water stops and Jerry rode the bike behind us all and it was an incredibly well planned run! I was NOT doing their 5 tempo miles at the end and was just going to run the same pace, but Amy said she was fine with 13 miles and so we just looped back to Danielle's house and called it quits. That meant forfeiting the donuts and chocolate milk, but fortunately I wasn't in the mood to socialize so I didn't feel bad leaving them.
I came home showered, got ready for the funeral and slept until I needed to get my dress on and go. Boys were all still asleep and it was actually a pretty normal Saturday morning (as far as I'd assume, I'm not usually around Saturday morning). Luckily, I got my waffle luv waffle after the funeral and just pulled my head out and felt a little better by the end of the day. I still have runners guilt over getting out of the last 5 miles, but I'm dealing with it.
TT: 1:52:00 AP: 8:16 splits: 8:23, 8:17, 8:36, 8:43, 8:57, 8:14, 7:51, 8:41, 8:53, 7:11, 7:48, 7:44, 8:06, 8:11 (last .5)
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