Denouement

While I do think that finding peace in where you are and not placing your self-esteem in your running is a good thing I think that giving up is not warranted yet. There are a lot of very good, elite even, runners who have come back after injuries and had their best seasons. As a matter of fact, there is a high correlation between severe injuries and degree of functioning (e.g., how good of an athlete you are). SO, this proves, you must be pretty darn good ;-).

Please just worry about getting better and focusing on other things "temporarily" and leave "future" alone for now.

ok ... pep talk/lecture done for today.

You are my hero Michelle.

ok ... you think you are in pain, now that I typed that the stupid song "wings beneath my feet" just ran through my head. OUCH.

Oh spare me! Now I've got it in my head.

I didn't mean I give up, just that I'm starting to swallow my pride and admit I'm not in charge and (the harder part) I shouldn't be and won't try to be in the future. Please remind me of this resolve when I slip up :/

Lion Queen, have read a few of your blogs, have not known what to say. I have some perspective on your situation based on my own. I really pray you recover fully. It is tough not to run, you seem to be on the road to peace with what the future brings.

Stay Kool, You will always be the Lion Queen, B of BS Rools Out

Michelle - I know what you mean about trying to explain things to people. It's tough. I also got sick of people parking in the handicapped spot who could walk a lot better than me. ;-)

Also, congratulations of entering Phase 8 of Running Injury: Acceptance and Peace. (Phases 1-7 are Denial, Anger, False Hope, Anger II, Depression, and Anger III). Phase 9 is Restoration, so you are close. You've had similar thoughts as me in terms of not expecting to get back to previous form and just wanting functional health back. The verse often left ringing in my head was (and is) "But seek ye first the kingdom of God,and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matt 6:33. Once I came to grips that running really was not important, and only following God is important, I had a lot more peace about it and joy in living. ...And eventually I was given back running (at least for now), but now I try to stay grounded and not elevate running to what it once was to me.

Who knows Michelle, there may be PRs in front of you. I never thought I would "be back", but I've surprised myself with the successes I've had over the last year. I'll enjoy the ride for as long as I can, and thank God for it, but still stay grounded. All in all, I can see much good that has come out of the whole situation and my health problems, and I hope you will find the same.

I've always enjoyed your blog and have admired you. I don't know what it is like to be so immensely talented and worked so hard and then end up injured--I can only imagine the frustration you have been feeling. Your honesty is humbling. No expert advice here, but I think when the time comes you will be back and better than ever. I don't even know you but I will be rooting for you! I wish peace and patience for you, and some healing!

Great attitude Michelle, and I know you will be back;-) I like what Paul said, sometimes we but running above all that is really important, family and following gods plan for us is the road to true happiness, running is just a bonus that comes along with life and things we enjoy...

I know there will be PR's in your future too, it will all workout in the end and then before you know it you will be back to running again.

Have a good one.

Michelle,

Check out all of your groupies!!! :)

How are you feeling today?

You are right, some things we don't have control over ... bad dang you are cool!!! :)

Hang in there.

What lies in the future is not your call, right now your concentration should be completely on recovery.

Who knows? maybe your comeback will be stronger & better! Only God knows; for now, enjoy your family, your time & your recovery!

As April, I'll be rooting for you!

I remember coming to this phase. It is when I really got happy with where I was in life and my personal relationships have gotten stronger. I have been through this more than once and always come back stronger and I would like to think smarter. But I do think the smarts fade after about a year of healthy running.

Michelle,

I totally agree with Paul about the phases. Although I have hope to possibly return to the marathon I struggled with many of he same thoughts you are going through and eventually came to a peace with the fact that if I do it is meant to be and if I am unable then I can live with that as well. I am happy with everyday that I get to run right now and appreciate it for the gift that it is more than I did before. The chance I had to run an 8 mile trail run with my son James on Saturday was something that I am very grateful for and truly appreciate the fact that I was able to do it and have this experience. The ability to have this experience is by far more important than any PR I have or ever will set. If I never run a PR again but I am able to run with my kids and have these experiences then I can live with that and be thankful. That does not mean I am not going to try and give up on the possibility of running fast again. I am going to run and train to the best of my god given ability for as long as I am able regardless of what kind of times or results may come.

I was where you are at as well and experienced all of the phases Paul mentioned. There were many a day that I thought I would never run again or at least not be able to run fast again. Ultimately I was able to come to peace with the fact that I will do everything I can to run to the best of my abilities and try to be happy with the results and each and every experience that running gives me for the rest of my life. I just hope to be able to keep this perspective regardless of the ultimate outcome or results. I guess only time will tell.

I truly wish you the best and know that nothing but time and the slow healing process will help. However, just know that there are plenty of people praying for you. I look forward to the day when Paul, you and I all toe the line at the same race again someday.

Ted

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and helpful comments.

Paul - I was going to say where is the Excess phase, but I guess that was the antecedent. It is amazing how many scriptures there are related to spiritual and physical healing and how much more important one is than the other.

Ted - that would be so sweet to toe the line with some of my favorite injury warriors. Being well enough to go to races and cheer my friends on would be so wonderful too.

They say positive thoughts can help, so here's some positive vibes toward the osteoplasts in my SI area.

Michele - I am so sorry to hear of your ongoing struggles. I know how frustrated I have been over the years to get injured and not be able to exercise/train/run and cannot imagine how hard it would be to have your skills and talents and experience those issues.

However, as you and others have mentioned, there is a lot to gain from the scriptures about likening them to your current struggles and learning from them. Some of your greatest (future) victories will be even sweeter in the future when you come back from this injury with the knowledge and discipline that 2009 is teaching you.