Patience; the new endurance sport.

I am feeling so much stronger these days. Even after traveling I'm still good-- which usually wears me out. The gym work outs, weights, and circuit training, the elliptical and treadmill, and time away from running in the cold and on the ground are doing the trick.  Last year and the year before were so hard--only about 6 weeks between marathon training cycles.  I'm just not made to do it--especially not 2 years in a row. The Long Saturday runs in the cold and snow these past winters really got me down.  I love 6-8 milers in the snow, but those 18-22's in the soggy spring snow right before DC Marathon actually made me cry toward the end. I was so broken down. It broke my will.  And when there is no will, there is no way.  You shouldn't need to ask yourself why you run. It should be what you want to do and it should inspire you -- not be like every other thing in life-- stealing away your time and energy. So I think I've put running back in it's place. I control it--it's not controlling me anymore.  It's weird how I got into such a demented OCD cycle about it.  I also think the problem in my liver/pancreas was exacerbated by the constant need for energy--overtaxing one of my weaker bodily system.  It set offl the cycle of problems with the glycogen depletion and hypoglycemia.  I needed to break my cycle, mix it up, get strong and find new ways to be fit.  Cross Fit was a huge eye opener. I feel really good--though heavier and fatter.  I'm  just not so good at eating smaller amounts of food. It's absolutely depressing how little food you need to stay alive.  Running longer distances does allow you to eat more without consequence.  But I guess that's like learning how to use money by using credit card.  It's not real money.

I had such an upsetting series of time-wasting conference calls today I was awake until 4:00 a.m. fretting and sending out venomous emails through the night. (One of the downsides of having too much energy for work vs.using it all up running). I'm losing what I'd like to think was 'my edge' for getting things done efficiently, and instead am turning into the 'crazy lady out in Utah' everyone in the whole country avoids talking if they want their jobs to be easier. That in and of itself is it's own kind of technique for getting left alone.  I't just, being crazy, is just not as cool and edgy as being the young, sharp witted, smart business woman I once was (or fancied I was). So, I ran on the treadmill and watched episode after episode of Mad Men and Arrested Development at full volume late into the night.  AD episode 43 is hands down the best one they ever wrote.  It features Scott Baio as the Bluth family lawyer Bob Loblaw.

I had a tough time getting my work out done.  Had to do two radio things that wreaked havoc on my a.m. then in the afternoon when I'd settled onto the treadmill, my darling daughter reminded me of some YW program she was in where she had to give a speech about discipline and endurance.  So, I willed myself off the treadmill until later...only to finish my puny miles off with a few wimpy push ups.

Vengence is mine today! Ha!  Blood sugar back in the 70's!  Take that pancreas!  I am going to keep eating Halloween candy.   This is proof that it's good for me for breakfast!  I had a great, relaxing work out and did all muscle groups, all the circuits, and sweat up a storm.  Seeing my blood sugar that high made me make believe I had a lot of energy.  It did feel pretty good.