Patience; the new endurance sport.

I slept in this morning and ran at lunch.  It made the morning routine less hectic that I was just up and ready to get everyone off to school. Except they thought I was sick because I was still in my pajamas.  It was so very warm  by noon, I couldn't believe it.  It started to look like rain, but the air was still pretty balmy.  There are more leaves on the trail now, and they can be slippery if you're not paying attention (and I'm not).  My dogs loved that I came home in the middle of the day to invite them for a walk.They were so happy they swam in several places on the river.  The people on the trail today were all extra happy and chatty.  Not like those grumpy old, retired, entitled summer trail users. These people were so thrilled to be outside on an afternoon like today, they all smiled and said extra friendly things and laughed extra loud at the dumb retorts I gave. It was hard not to be really happy just to be outside today.  Tomorrow morning I'll be back at it with my headlamp in the dark, supposedly 20 degrees colder.  My window is open and  I can hear the wind blowing in the storm as I write this.  We'll see in the morning how it is.

Back at it with the headlamp this a.m.  My grandfather mined coal in Colton, CA. I guess it's in my genes to get up at 4:30 and live 1/3 of my life in the dark.  I'm really glad to have someone to run with again.  I haven't had a regular since Amanda moved to Virginia a year and a half ago.  I tried out Marsha for 2 days a week while I was SGM training, and she was pretty consistent and up for anything (8:30's-10:00's, 5 miles or 7).  She's so glad to get out and do regular exercise and she tells me all her stories as we run along in the dark.  I need to stop underestimating people.  She's taught me how judgmental I am--particularly about certain kinds of women.  I like tough, self-assured women who have their own thing going--not the sweet, gossipy tricky kind; the kind who are self-deceived and not in touch with their true selves.  In general I like people who have really been through some crap and come through polished hard, and shined for display like, well...as Smooth puts it...diamonds.  When I've come to know someone like that, I realize how much I have to learn about living more succinctly and being tough.  Humility is wonderfully deceiving.  It allows you to be underestimated.  I'd like to be more like that, to keep my mouth shut and to be underestimated.  But in order to do that you have to have superpowers worth keeping secret. 

I ran with two different shoes and my was shirt inside out and backwards--but who notices those things when you dress in the dark and run at 3:33 in the morning with a headlamp?  Well, I'll tell you who-- your smart-alek kids do when you get back and are standing at the stove in running tights trying to give them hot breakfast.   I am such a baby. I NEED the sunlight and color or else I might as well be inside on the treadmill watching the last two seasons of whatever on DVD.  I can't take the lack of sunlight.  Although the stars were indeed shining brightly for a while--no clouds.  I looked for falling and shooting ones, per Smooth's suggestion.  But I didn't see anything but the big dipper turned perpidicular, and the 7 sisters, Orion's belt, etc.  It was warm at first, no frost on the rooftops, when I took off (48 degrees maybe?).  I wore a light long sleeve shirt and no gloves and was comfortable until right about an hour later.  Just as the sunlight rimmed the mountain line, frost decended, and my hands got stiff and cold.  It sure is hard to hurry inside and try to crack eggs for breakfast when your hands are frozen into claws--only to hear the snickering behind your back that you look homeless and stuff with your shirt and hair all like that.  That's it.... crack you own eggs.   

Work is eating me alive.  It is killing me.  I have not been home a single Friday night or Saturday for three weeks now--and if you thought I got bent out of shape at the beginning of school when the kids were occupying my precious a.m hours--I am enraged by the infringment of my time that must be spent away from them.  I am so angry about things outside of my control right now, I am silenced --almost.  This week I seriously considered taking a full week off  running just because I have not physically felt cuaught up since SGM or emotionally with what has been going on at work--but sadly running in the dark with my friend Marsha is about the most enjoyable thing I get to do all day.  And then I'm done enjoying the day by 6:30 a.m.  I just feel like I'm never going to get a leg up.  It's been a heroic effort to feed my children and provide them with clean underwear.  They are totally on their own where homework, piano, and soccer are concerned. I used to be so good at keeping this all together.  I miss the brains and engery I used to have even just two years ago.

I used to be better about keeping a hadnwritten journal.  Which was really good because I'd go home and write all my crazy crap in there and then close the pages and shove it into a drawer.  But now days, it's just so much easier to scream "I'm INSANE" from online. Great.  Today I slept in until the indulgent hour of 6:30, didn't run until daylight.  DAYLIGHT! The run actually felt pretty good--even though I've been tired all these days.  When I was done my sister called and said she was coming out for my birthday.  She said she knew for a fact everyone else was afraid to give me fohhhhrty something spankings, but that she was qualified for the job. It could turn into a brawl with all that spanking, but what are sisters for?  Talking to her helped me pull myself together. The threat of physical violence sharpens my mind I guess, which sadly I think I've passed on to my daughter.  She's gained quite a reputation on the soccer field this year--not afraid to foul, that one.  Looking forward to seeing Catherine tommorrow for our run around the lake. I just have so much work to do until about midnight tonight.  Wish me luck.