Patience; the new endurance sport.

My legs felt heavy, but it's the cardio-vascular weakness that concerns me.  It doesn't feel possible to be where I was last year with my running.  I peaked in late July, which I know was premature for my 2008 goals.  I'm trying to hold back and everything right now, but I feel like a cow meadering through the meadow. To think I was headed to Boston today (this time last year, in my mind). I guess I should just be grateful to be healthy and still running.  I am grateful to still be out there.  I just feel like deadweight and wish I felt my body would cooperate with my mind on achieving a few goals. On a good note, the world outside is fecund with the smell of manuer and nightshade.  Spring has sprung (at least for today).

Last night as my daugher said her prayers she spent 5 minutes naming each and every item of her day she was grateful for. This included: A safe home, healthy food, and soft sheets. She also named every other thing you could possibly think of. But her thoughts have resonated with me since last night. I need to be thankful. More grateful. I complain about and am afraid of far too many things. There will come a day when I am more free than I am now to do the things I'd like. But in the meantime, I need to be more mindful. Today while I ran, someone's black lab joined my animal entourage. My dogs were freaked out by the visitor and it was unnerving at first to have a strange black dog flank me. Having been bitten by three dogs in my life, I was a little worried. But he just followed us the whole way and kept going when we got off the trail. He reminded me a bit of my dear old black lab buried in the back yard. In keeping with the toughts that have been going through my mind: I am grateful to be reminded of my old black lab friend and I am grateful the world is bright green again.

The whole sky was bright pink before the sun rose this morning. I mean, glowing, bright pink. It's crazy how the world does stuff like that and there are hardly any witnesses. When I got onto the trail, I half expected to see the black dog again. I felt like Cesar Milan (the Dog Whisperer) yesterday running with a pack of dogs. But he was nowhere. About two weeks ago a foal was born to the black mare who pastures at the end of the trail. Today that little foal was running all over, kicking up her back legs and bucking around. Then she'd run up to her Mama, who bent her head down to sniff her baby. But then the baby just toustled the hair of her Mama's mane with her nose, and then started jumping around again on those slender, long foal legs. It made me laugh it was so dog-gone-cute.

Josse got back from Hawaii and so came over to run. She looked all tan and rested and was even wearing bright Hawaii colored running gear. I got to hear a little about her vacation; the beaches, the hiking, and kayaking. Probably now for the rest of the day I'm going to dream of Kayaking in Hawaii. There were Kayakers on the river yesterday. I think I'm finally going to get one this year. I keep thinking that since I don't go to Baja anymore I can't justify it as much. I loved to love to Kayak in San Felipe. Early in the morning, before the sun rises, when there is no wind and almost no waves, a porpoise or two may surface around where you'd be paddleing. They always swim parallel to the shore and in groups so even if you only saw one, the water would be churning where they swam below the surface. It was always so thrilling when that happened. Sometimes around here on those soft, still mornings, Utah Lake is a mirror and I dream about hiding a kayak in the bushes so I can have it ready for those moments. A friend showed me how to paddleboard last year. And I did like it, I'd have to that a lot if I lived near the ocean. But I can also take the kayak on the river when it's full in Spring and early summer.

I hitched a ride up to Vivan Park and the first 3 were gorgeous (all things green and tender along the trail after a night of spring rain), the next 4 it poured and I was so glad I was wearing my rain gear and baseball cap so the water just rolled off.  It went pretty fast from Will's to the fire station because I decided to listen to music. I had to use the crawl space under one of the bridges because there was so much water on on of the walk ways I had to crawl around it.  I was not about to get my shoes and socks wet at mile 12.  I did that a few weeks ago and didn't like running in wet shoes.  Then around mile 13 I ran through a 'walk' they were having along the trail for the National MS Society.  Long runs bring me to a level of sensitivity and spirituality that is hard to escape. I cry at the end of races or during long runs because my defences are down and all the pain or frustration I've held at bay all week, year, or a lifetime, easily overflow the dam.  So there were these signs along the trail with public education messages about the symptoms of MS and how many people are affected, and all kinds of facts about MS until I'd had so much information about MS I broke into tears.  I stopped and bent over in the middle of the trail, in the middle of the other walkers, put my hands on my knees broke into tears for my sister.  It was so ironic to be in the middle of my run and smitten by the realization that MS is forever more going to play a major role in the rest of my life.  I just hope my sister's version of it won't be as severe as it sometimes can be. Needless to say I ran the rest of the run like I'd been hit in the stomach and also tired from running, but struggled along to the end.  I didn't make bad time overal ( averaged 9:45' )and then I called my sister.