Believe to Achieve

Ran 2 miles UP to above canal trail to Bonneville Shoreline trail and ran on it north taking varied steep hills practicing walking and running-- walking very steep hills and running down hills.  Just taking it easy and see what pace I would end up with on no fuel or water (9:39 for the 10, feeling very doable so should feel awesome with an AP at 12 to make it in at just over 10 hours).  Trying not to push it at all.  Getting a feel for my big run and how to handle it.  Pretty much an aid station to aid station run (there are 10).  I will try to take brief stops at some and longer ones when I will change my shoes and/or socks.  I am pretty excited to finally get to do this run.  I am so not prepared as a REAL trail runner would be, no fancy equipment  (no trail shoes) or well planned out drop bags.  Just me, my iPod, and my water bottle waist carrier.  Hoping my body is willing as my spirit is!!  

Nada.  I AM running 50 miles Saturday, I try to remind myself : D

Planned to run more but was trying to get that run and relax mentality.  Ran 3 x 1 miles with my three daughters.  First Amber (10:21, she is 7), then Courtney (9:49, she is 11 and this is the best she has done in a while, now that I suggested music and paced her, she stopped and walked three times), last Brooke (11:07, she has a sore throat and we walked a lot, she is my sprinter, today she has strep so glad we took it easy).   It was a fun not care about pace run.  Was going to add on but HEY I AM RUNNING 50 MILES on SATURDAY, STILL REMINDING MYSELF!!!  Saving all my glycogen for much huger tasks : D.

Worked last night and came home to my daughter having difficulty breathing, her cough was rattling  and croup like and her fever was high.  Her glands very swollen.  Off to the drs soon but I am sure it is strep.  Her friend had the same thing last week at soccer.  Squeezing in drs appts and dance rehearsals (my girls all perform tomorrow night at the Covey Center.  The Lion King is their dance performance. It is on Friday at 4pm and 7pm!!!  I go at 4 pm).  I will breifly get to the meeting about the race tomorrow.  I am jam packed with lots until the race--- rehearsals, hair and make up, rehearsals, shopping for last minute items, meditating : D, yoga moments, finishing drawers for my cabinets (my mother stepped in to help greatly), and hopefully 10 full hours of sleep with out thinking of running for over 10 hours : D.    No reason to run today I am running a lot in my brain. Oh, the race director let us know that the trail has 5 miles of continuous snow running and some areas we have to traverse over rather then through in order to get by okay.  I actually have no idea what he means but I am sure I will get the idea come Saturday morning : D

Was only going to run three but I felt SOOOOOOOOOO non-runner like I thought I'd run until I felt a bit like one.    Hey!! Who turned up the heat?  I think I specifically recall asking for nice warmer weather NOT HEAT AND HUMIDITY!!  I was parched and felt comfort running thru sprinklers.  7 miles @ 8:37 pace, all progressive miles with some good hills.  HOLY MOLY AM I REALLY RUNNING THIS THING TOMORROW?  I know I will show up and start running, not sure what obstacles lie ahead mentally or physically.  Based on how crappy I feel now (intense fatigue, lower back pain and joint and muscle aches--all of which I chalk up to adrenal fatigue) I am unsure, but my mind is stronger than my body and I will gain stength from the mountain air and terrain, I can feel it.  Any stream I come across I am in it.  Any shade cover I see ahead I am running to it.  I am ready, ready or not.  Those of you trying to talk yourselves out of a long run tomorrow, just DO IT!!  Seriously, if you are running a 5K race at Nestle (the one I usually do) look East and UP and think of how you could be running 50!!!  AND NOT 3.1.  I am finally where I always thought I would be.  Not every year but just this year.  Not sure if this will become an addiction.  Let you know tomorrow evening : D.

Where to begin?  Yesterday at 230 pm or so I was no longer a runner, no longer ever in my entire life EVER going to enter another race, my SGM number was up for sale, my blog was going to close shop, I was done.  I was utterly and completely beaten up by my FIRST EVER 50 miler and it was a long course, 51.25 to be exact verified by several other runners.  SERIOUSLY I was gone, I began to cry, cry out to the nature of the beast that I just didn't want to go ONE more step, I didn't want to see one more inch (never mind mile of snow) and slosh and mud.  This race was a 40 miler and then I was done.  It didn't matter that I had 9.5 miles of  downhill.  Four of those miles were snow and mud on narrow trail with drop offs.  I was completely unprepared.  Let's backtrack--- Hmmmm one 23 miler in under 3 hours (6weeks ago), one marathon 3 weeks ago in 3:14, and ONE short trail run LAST MONDAY of exactly 5 miles.  This was not enough training to keep up the early pace that I set at this race for over 26.2 miles.  I had heard of people running 7-8 hour trail runs every week and biweekly and thought who has the time and really is that necessary?  ah YES!!  Duh!!!   

BEST OF TIMES:  Strangely I was in the lead until aid station 6 (26.2 miles).  I won the Squaw Peak Marathon   : D in just under 5 hours!!!  I was told by many of the male runners that I was the lead runner and I just laughed and said "WHY?" and "Really?",  "Where are the other women?"  Darcie Gorman was back this year and she has the course record.  I passed Marci L. and Melanie C. after the third aid station, I knew they would kick my butt later.  In fact I ran quite a bit with Marcie's husband Richard.  He let me know she would be here soon but that  I was setting a pretty fast pace for this course.  Oooops.  Wasn't trying to do that. It felt fine.  I am after all a ROAD marathoner and 11:30 pace was EASY, even with a climb to 8900 feet.  But just after arriving at that aid station two woman, one of them Darcie passed me.  They stayed about 30 seconds.  I was there for 4 or more minutes.  They were trying to kick me out of the aid station to stay with them.  Are you kidding?  I am not a trail runner.  Look at my shoes, they are road shoes!!! 

WORST Of TIMES:

Oh there are many.  After aid station 6 you enter a dirt road and climb for forever!!  I walked a lot.  Came across a fast running deep creek and with a large log that you had to traverse.  I was so sure I would fall in.  My iPod was still not on so I decided to get it out and hopefully engage my mind in music.  The sounds of nature was nice but now I was getting pretty spent and needed civilization sounds.  Runners were all minutes and more apart.  Once in a while you would be by another runner but mostly you were on your own.  I got to aid station 7 and was so thankful it was nestled in shade and the helpful aid station crew telling me that I was in third but very close to the other women, like only three minutes away.  He tried to get me off quickly to catch them.  I didn't want to.  I was in my own race to finish, not win.  As I started out I was headed the wrong way, back up the dirt road and he said "not that way, that way" pointing.  Ummm "that's a creek!!".  Yup it was time to run a 1/2 mile up a creek!!  luckily I had several Angels in this course and another runner verified the way and I followed.  He also told me of the treacherous climb ahead after the next aid station.  I tried to just focus on the now.  I got to aid station 8 and changed my sneakers, socks and shorts (6 minutes here).  I wore my "zeroes" for the first 16 miles (yes the shoes I hate, but they had traction and miles 3 through 14 were uphill with lots of snow.  I changed to my "no tread" shoes at mile 14.6 and wore those until 33.4 aid station.  I was passed by another fast trekking woman (walking) just before here.  She looked really strong. Next is 8 miles to the summit of Windy Pass.  I got a second wind at mile 36 and ran/walked well to mile 39.5. Began slowly walking a 1/2 mile at the base of Windy Pass. Took a deep breath of my last available oxygen and walked baby steps.  I was dehydrated.  I had no water left since mile 37 and I had an odd gnawing headache and dizziness.  I just could NOT move up the 90 degree mountainside that would take me to 9200 feet above sea level.  I was like walking backward up it.  That mile was over 37 minutes long.  I just cried out in desperation and thought of LICKING my arms to get some very needed salt, a prayer answered.  After several licks and several minutes I was feeling a bit better but still I could not move my legs.  I was spent.  I was done and the summit was not closer.  It was a FALSE summit.  As I reached this peak you could look beyond and see several other runners on the next peak full of SNOW.  NOOOOO!!!!! I was so not doing that.  I was mentally and physically dying here. An angel bypasser gave me some of his camel back water and I decided to take my caffeine gu. Not always good for me especially on an uphill but I was desperate for energy.  About 4 women passed me here and WITH strength. Seriously?  Talk about salt in a wound!!  How is everyone even moving?  I don't know if I had hyponatremia, or altitude sickness or what but my muscles weren't achy I just was nauseated, headachy, dizzy and very irritable.  When I made it to 41.75 mile aid station 9 there was 9.5 miles left.  But I looked beyond it and there lay before me SNOW and MUD on a shadowed mountainside!!  NOOOOO!! I just can't do it .  I started out and was sliding all over the place.  This went on for 3 miles.  I began to cry.  I began to sob.  I began to just want to be over and NOT walk another step.  I just couldn't.  Running would prove fatal as I knew I would trip over a rock and crash.  3.5 miles of rocky downhill terrain and I couldn't do it.  I walked it.  This is where I became friends with Brigita.  She won it several years ago and she was the one who passed me miles before and she was not doing well at all.  I decided misery loves company and I asked her if we could walk together.  We did for 3 miles but she was wanting to stop and I got a burst of energy seeing the valley below.  I began to run and continued running for two miles to the last aid station.  It WAS SEARING  with heat now and it was more than my mind wanted to handle.  I don't do well with heat especially surprise heat after months of cold weather.  At aid station 10 they handed out ice cold wet rags and I placed one on my head and yelled out to the other runners there "come on guys, let's get this thing done".  I was at the start of the Provo Half Marathon in road running territory I knew quite well and by-golly I was going to let it rip.  I gave up the last 7 miles but now I am going to get it together.  That cold cloth did the trick and some new ice water in my pack.  (incidentally I carried a girls water bottle the last 7 miles because she gave me it when I was dying before AS 9 and asked me to leave it there, I forgot to and ended up holding onto it for those gruesome snowy miles, losing balance but not wanting to lose her bottle).  I left her bottle there and left with just mine in my waist carrier.  I took off in a "sprint" and passed four guys along the.  All the ones that passed me earlier.  My last mile was at a 7:41 and last .25 7:26!!!  Kim and Melanie were a sight for sore eyes.  They reeled me in for the last 1.5 miles.  I told them it was Hell on Earth and that they should never ever run it!!!  I was a basket of negativity.  When I crossed the finish line I was so happy.  My family was there and my friends had roses and chocolate for me!!  I was so lucky to have everyone still waiting.  I felt like I had let everyone down, making them wait an hour longer but what do you do?  50 miles of running on trails is the hardest thing I have ever done and ever will do.  I am sure of it.

Splits and Brief Narrative:

1- 8:15, 2- 7:42, yup the provo trail down hill,  Now the uphill trail 3- 10:38, 11:11, 15:51 (obviously walking VERY STEEP), 18:13 up hill with aid station, 18:32 (AS 2), 11:29, 8:30, 10:33, 13:45, 15:30 (AS 3), 12:29, 10:23, lots of snow and mud 16:47 (AS 4), downhill slosh and mud 9:26, 8:17, 8:17 easy dirt road terrain, here comes the south sun!!!, 10:52 ("TURN" I vaguely hear to my left, "UP there?"  yup off the lovely downhill dirt road onto a steep incline into the wooded trails with need for fancy footing in pathetic shoes), 8:17 (back on that road and across and into a dry creek bed), 8:19 more dirt road, 11:18 (AS 5, verified leader and lots of cheers for the first female : D), 8:57 (iPod too wet with sweat for the volume to work first time putting it on, but back off it went, bummer),  9:28, 10:27, 11:13, 15:07 (AS 6, the last 4 miles were UP the left fork on heated tar and whizzing by cars!! Passed by two women, Oh well, fun while it lasted), 12:44,  14:59 so walking here, river bed crossings and horse travelers to maneuver around, 14:47, 17:00 (AS 7, this is where the guy points me up a creek to run instead of the dirt road and telling me to win this thing for him, seriously?  like maybe if I trained correctly),  14:24, 18:13 too much up hill but lots of BEAUTIFUL backside of the mountain beauty, awesome!!!, I also fall into a creek bed trying to go over by way of a log, nice sloshy wet feet but the coldness was refreshing, just added lots of weight to my feet), 16:21 (AS 8 at last new sneakers but unfortunately many more creek beds, mud and snow to traverse.  These are my new ascics that I also hate, they no longer look new today), 13:40, 19:27, 17:13, 13:34, 11:58 (those last three I ran but it was very steep uphill, but NOT nearly as steep as the next mile, here comes the FALL),  22:34 (barely able to move legs upward, feel like I am falling, dizzy, headache and no water or fuel except one caffeine gu, I wait to take that),  37:53 (since when does a mile take this long?  I wasn't in a traffic jam I was mentally FREAKING OUT!!  I walked that mile in BABY STEPS, no joke.  It looked like the movie LION KING with the barren branches and dry land, except for a few yellow flowers trying to bloom.  Oh and so much fun to see a second summit up ahead!!   It was covered in snow of course).   35:59 (AS 9, it's about time?  I heard it was at 40.5 miles and my garmin read 41:76!!  So much for hope in the dessert.  I was beside myself falling into this AS, as it was in a "bowl", after reaching the summit you slide down a mudded hillside to it.  Literally.   23:35 (not quite fast enough for downhill hiking but what do  I do?  I don't want to break anything.  I have no scratches and one blister to show for this run.  Sore muscles of course.  No broken bones because I was sooooo careful.  After falling in the slosh on to my wrist I knew I wouldn't take any risks so I walked for the next 5 to 6 miles),  21:06, 18:45, 19:09,  14:08,  11:28 (AS 10, the cold washcloth and "let's get this thing overwith attitude" comes out),  8:13,  8:23,  7:41 (Kim and Melanie, Alleluyah!!!), .25 (7:26 pace).  I could go on and on about this race about highs and lows.  Know this--- that if you look at my mile splits and think "I so can do that!!"  More power to you.  It is way tougher than you imagine and takes more strength and preparation than anything you ever prepare for.  It will take you mentally and physically to the depths of despair mixed with only moments of exhilaration.  Yesterday afternoon I was no longer a runner.  Today I think I might be.  Tomorrow I will prepare better.