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AM - 4 miles.
PM - 4 miles.
Bike commute
A long-form entry...
After I withdrew from London, I figured that regardless of what I did the rest of the spring and summer, I'd be feeling good by August and itching to start running fast again. If I was feeling halfway decent about my running skills by this point, I'd have adequate time to train for CIM, provided I wanted one more crack at racing (redemption) in 2015. The last four months have been a lot of fun (the whole year has for that matter)... we finally had a great spring couloir skiing season, Andrea and I have been able to run together for the first time in years, and we have been traveling all over the place.
From a purely individual running/racing perspective, however, I'm no closer to a "return to form" than I was in April. My hamstrings don't plague me like they did in the spring - although I don't think they are really much better. I only stuck with the rehab program for 6 weeks (no major surprise there, I've always lacked the motivation/patience for that sort of stuff). My energy levels fluctuate more than in the past. I get tired a lot quicker. My legs don't seem to work the way they used to. Running rarely feels that easy anymore, despite the fact that I cut back my volume (50-60 mpw avg) and do all of my runs in the 8-10 min / mile pace range. Somehow, after originally making the suggestion in jest, my summer peak ended up being Ragnar!
The Mexico death plague may have had a bigger impact that I originally gave it credit for. I let that illness go untreated for over a full week while it wreaked havoc on my body. I've since learned that in some cases, aggressive bacterial infections can have lingering effects for 3 to 12 months after the acute stage has ended. I certainly have not felt "normal" since that illness, and parameters such as my ferritin levels have tanked despite the reduced training load. I don't think getting sick in March is the only thing to blame. There are other possible contributors, most of which are not worth exploring in detail. I don't want to fish for excuses.
A (really basic) thing to consider is that I averaged 5600 miles per year for the previous 4 years (2011-2014). I raced about 75 times over that span. That's a lot of running. I REALLY REALLY LOVE RUNNING, but it's still a lot of running. In my mind, I never needed or wanted an extended break. In hindsight, of course I could have done a few things differently (smarter), but right now I don't have much interest in going back to analyze it all. I always enjoyed what I was doing, had a lot of success, and rode the hot streak.
Maybe I finally just ran out of steam... physically and mentally.
I considered my competitive racing days over when I moved out west in 2008. I wanted to focus on some new things and found them in Colorado. I ran when I felt like it, climbed lots of mountains, took up skiing, and played a few rec league sports. [Full disclosure: As some know, I did a mud-run before they were a "thing" at the Teva Games in 2009 (second place)] There was no grand plan for the return to competitive side of running in 2011... it just sort of happened by accident (Andrea and I building momentum off each other), and it has been a fantastic ride. No one would have imagined that I would take my half-marathon time from 1:12:30 (off a 15:30 5K PR) down to 1:05:45 (off a 5K PR that never got much faster!). I'd say this chapter of my "running career" is now closed... I sensed it last fall and knew it this spring, but it still took me until the past few weeks to completely come to terms with it.
I specifically recall a conversation about Chicago (with Andrea) on a camping trip a few weeks after the race. While in the minutes/days afterwards I was proud of how I ran, as I got some distance I started to have regrets about being way too aggressive in the first half of the race and stubbornly chasing the OT standard. I blew my chance of finally breaking 2:20, which I'm still absolutely certain I would have done if I didn't go for broke from the gun. I had this weird/gut feeling last fall that I might never being in that good of marathon shape again. I felt different. I left a lot of myself on the roads that morning. My legs never got their "pop" back after that run.
I failed in my attempt to qualify for the 2012 and 2016 Olympic Trials. That's not a negative "poor me" statement, it's just a fact. Life would be boring if you achieved every goal you set out to accomplish. The challenge and difficulty is what made it a worthwhile pursuit in the first place. I'm glad I made it a priority for several years and gave it a shot. You don't know what you are (or aren't) capable of otherwise. It's good to find out, even if the outcome isn't what you hoped for. I have so much respect for athletes who are able to exceed those time standards, as well as those who continue to put themselves on the line as they chase them.
I can't say I miss training and racing yet. I am starting to miss "fitness" though. Most of the other things I like to do require being in much better physical condition than I'm in right now, and having the mental tenacity to push myself to somewhat uncomfortable levels (which I have all but lost). I want to get back to a point where I can do whatever I feel like doing without thinking again. Go run for 20 miles on a whim? Sure! Ski moguls for hours and hours? Sounds like fun! Do both in the same day plus something else and then stay up late and get up early and do it all again the next day without worrying about hurting myself or feeling tired?! Yes! Sign me up for that again!
I have a great life with lots of options for fun, adventure, and fulfillment. Part of that is luck, part of that is location (This is the place!), but mainly that is because this is the situation I have worked hard to create for myself. It isn't be taken for granted. I know myself well enough to realize that I need something to focus on outside of work (which, by the way, does provide me with quite a bit of challenge and satisfaction). I don't flourish with lots of free time and nothing to do... I am not good at relaxing for the sake of relaxing, nor do I ever want to be. I'm not wired that way. Recreational passions bring out the best in me from a professional and personal standpoint. Racing served that purpose very well. But so did climbing all the 14,000' peaks in Colorado, skiing 100+ days in a season, long backpacking trips, etc, etc. I don't know what the next focus will be. I suppose I've been in the process of figuring it out this summer.
I wish I had a consistent log from years' past, especially from 2006-2010. So while in some ways it makes sense to completely step away, I'm going to keep this one going. For those still reading, there probably won't be much bold font for some time. For the kids who live on the tempo loop, you'll have to find someone else to make fun of ("Run Forrest Run" never gets old, don't let anyone tell you differently. It's hilarious every time.). Hopefully I'll find a way to keep it interesting through other pursuits and update accordingly. It's nice to be able to look back and have some sort of record of what you did. I still like the open-text format found here better than the "modern" training apps/sites... FRB is sort of like a digital marble composition book with the option to embed photos... a perfect mashup of a training log and Instagram that doesn't require using a GPS watch.
I'm guessing the racing fire will come back eventually - probably not in a few weeks, but maybe in a few more months, or maybe it will take a couple years again. I'm not going to force it. If it happens, I want to be refreshed, healthy, and ready to hammer. If it doesn't, I'll always be a runner, and that's good too. Besides the occasional dawn patrol, there is no better way to start every single day.
I was looking back through an old (pre-FRB) blog post last week: October 27, 2010. I enjoyed reading it because I see myself in a similar place right now (even though I got here via a much different route). A couple things stand out: 1) Mia was soooo cute, I miss her! 2) My skiing motivation is definitely back to 2010 levels. 3) Concussions are easier to get over than hamstring injuries.
So after reading that, I figured a good way to end this entry (and start this next chapter) is with a modified line from that post... things took an unexpected twist or two, but worked out better than I could have imagined.
I want to approach this fall with the goal of being in excellent condition for the 2016 ski season.
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