trial of miles; miles of trials

Ran my old four-mile Annapolis loop with K, lots of fun. Felt like about a 9:40 pace? We forgot to time it though. I taught her the 100-up exercise afterwards, she's a heel striker extraordinaire.

It's a little weird running-- and having a whole day of other stuff-- before getting on a plane. Four miles isn't a distance I really feel in my legs for the rest of the day anymore, the way I do if I run six, so I almost forget about it. It's strange.

A difficult day, generally, but I made it back to Alabama safe and sound.

I suppose I take a rest day now. Maybe I'll do some yoga or strength training later. Or just go jump on the trampoline awhile. (living with a middle schooler is great)

The Secret City Half is this Sunday, so I think I'm supposed to taper a little or not run the day before-- not sure how to do this, I never have before.

It's been raining a lot and I have to work long hours, so I worked out on the elliptical for a while. The temptation to hate on elliptical machines is great, but I feel compelled to mention that if it weren't for an elliptical, I may not have started running again in the winter of 2008. But that is a long story, and it was a long time ago.

Shorter time today due to scheduling and not sure how much to work out. It is supposed to rain all day tomorrow, not sure what I am going to do about that.

"And while you're at it, and to hell with the hateful Puritanism that underlies it all, the vile voice that says the body is ugly and the flesh is sinful and it's all a pathetic, shameful thing to be ignored, or heavily medicated, or glutted beyond recognition and finally rejected like so much animal meat. This way misery and conservatism lies.

"Instead, let us hereby amplify the idea that we get a terrifically short ride on this pale blue dot, and hitch it to the deeply mystical notion that your body is actually a wildly sacred container to be cherished and celebrated like a goddamn roller coaster bumper car funhouse temple of wow.

"Can you do that? Recreate yourself anew every single day and feed your core with all manner of joy and bliss, wine and movement, sex and moan, sweat and heartbeat and taking the stairs two at a time because the stairs actually prefer it that way?"

Went to the park after work and ran, B tagged along. He's bizarrely wimpy about distance for a guy who plays soccer half the year. I think some people get intimidated by running when it's laid out for them like that, but honestly, a four-mile run lasts less time than a half of soccer if you can run anything under a ten-minute pace. And if you can't hold a ten-minute pace, I bet you don't play soccer.

I wouldn't tell him this, but I have my reservations about running buddies. The last time I ran with one regularly was sophomore year, when Z and I lived together. I was religious then: Four miles a day, except Mondays and Thursdays when I did six, and one rest day per week. Z would skip out a few days a week and I'd be alone, which I loved, and I still love. Even the high school XC team was too social for me.

Most of my important life decisions are settled while I'm running-- or rather, the work that I put into my lungs and legs is also work put into my head and heart. I mean the big things, things that affect where I am going and who I will be long-term. I need a few miles to clear out and escape, so that I can weigh my options and feel settled.

Sometimes-- like yesterday-- I actually make a decision and then talk myself out of it while running. But I trust running to make my mind clear, and help me stay on track. Besides that, it is a good way to gauge how my life is: if I'm not running well, I'm probably not living well. If I am too physically weak or mentally distracted to run daily, it's a red flag that something in my life is not functioning correctly. Even in these next few months as I try to get my mileage up, I want to remember that.

I am still waiting to see how this particular decision comes out. I will need a lot of miles on this one and I have a long way to go.

I'm getting nervous. I went on a walk today because the office makes me dizzy. I miss walking every day. I used to like to go out with my camera, but alabama is not very walker-friendly. Alas.

I am having some kind of allergic reaction to something I touched on my trip, so my forearms and hands are covered in itchy little bumps, like bug bites. The doctor had nothing of consequence to say and told me to take an antihistamine and use topical steroids. But they hardly help, so I'm not sleeping well at all, and I'm getting increasingly nervous. I think I will go eat some oatmeal; I tend to like that when I feel nervous, which is most of the time.

Everyone thinks it's odd that I'm going to this race alone, which is making me uncomfortable. It is my experience that waiting around for traveling companions is the quickest way to never go anyplace. In any event, I'll leave tomorrow.