You've got to want it to win it

About an hour before our race we started our warmup.  We did about two miles and then our strides and drills in the start area.  We left ourselves plenty of time which was nice, and I used it well to get in some good strides.  I wanted to have a good start and be up where I should be sooner in the race so that I wasn't passing people the whole time because I didn't start fast enough.  Kep told us the first lap was probably going to be slow because the sea level teams were scared of the altitude.  He told Bekah and I not to lead.  When the race started, for the first time this season I wasn't behind all of my teammates.  And I got out well.  And I somehow ended up in the lead pack of 4.  Oops...  But the pace didn't feel that hard, we had backed off from the starting pace but there were still 4 of us up there.  The first k was 3:24.  Maybe a little fast, but given the workout on Wednesday it was do-able.  I made it through the first loop and was still up there.  But I was scared because I thought I heard a voice that might have been Kep's voice yelling at me to relax... I was scared that he would be really mad at me because I was doing what he had specifically said not to... going into the next lap a pack started to come up, and I got passed a lot.  They had definitely picked it up.  This lap was a mental battle because I knew I needed to focus to hold on and not die completely, also because I was worried what Kep was probably thinking.  And I was worried I had let the team down.  I had to try really hard not to be negative on myself.  I was still pushing and still in it.  I could do it.  I was able to get back in it and pass people one by one.  Kep told me I was about 30th.  I needed to pick off a few girls if I was going to at least finish better than my 28th place from last year.  In the third lap I was pushing really hard and trying to get up to Catrina from Colorado.  She was passing people, and I was passing the people after she passed them.  I remember passing an Oregon girl who was breathing really hard and was thinking thank you altitude!  Coming up on the final 400 I picked it up and passed the Colorado girl.  I am not sure if I was closing on the girls in front of me.  I didn't think there was anyone coming up on me.  The crowd was too loud and I couldn't hear anyone breathing behind me.  Right at the line an Oregon girl got me.  I am mad that on the results it doesn't show the decimal points, because it lists both of us at 22:37.  I am also a little mad at myself I didn't keep pushing farther than the finish line because that is literally where she got me.  Supposedly.  And because I didn't, I finished one place lower than last year.  After finishing I puked and the volunteers were trying to push me out of the finish area, and I was really mad at them.  Hanah helped me out and then she brought each of us Utah girls and basically sat us down in a row outside the finish area.  Even being an altitude team, coming up to 6000 feet to race was hard.  For cooldown I did enough to finish to 8 total for the day.  I ran with Dana, we were behind the team, but I'm not sure how they were able to pull off the pace they were :P  Dana and I were exhausted.  Rewinding to immediately after the race when we were all sitting outside of the finishing area:  I told Kep I was so sorry for going out the way I had, but he said it was awesome that I had gone for it.  And he said that it would be good practice for regionals, which won't be as competitive.  Thank goodness.  This was definitely a huge learning experience.  But thinking about the race, I speculate that even if I had started in the pack behind the leaders, I probably wouldn't have been able to handle the change in pace going into the second lap because that isn't my racing style... Maybe I need to practice pace changes in workouts to be able to do that.  I sorta think that I would have been passed by more people, or I would have let too many of them go and not caught as many back as I finished.  But then again, maybe having more in the tank I could have picked off more people in the second half.  Who knows.  I think I am able to say I have strength for being able to come back and finish the race after starting the way I did.  Although it hurt bad after the first 2k, I wasn't done.  I held on and even got back to passing people, and had a kick at the end.  I have a lot to think about the next two weeks before regionals...