I'm not crazy...I'm just bored!!

I wanted to go to church this morning, but knowing the time schedule I was on, I figured the blessing of the athletes would have to do :) 

After breakfast I went with Larissa, Erik (Smooth's children) and Juliana and Beth (Larissa's friends from TX) to the expo. I got to pick up my number!!! This is SO unreal! It is like a kid in Disneyland, but a Disneyland you've worked YEARS to get to! A runners paradise! SO many runners just like you, SO much excitement! I could hardly contain myself. I wanted to jump up and down and act like a 2 year old! :) It was amazing, simply amazing!

After browsing the expo I went to the South Church or the Church of the Finish Line :) to go to the Blessing of the athletes. What an amazing experience! It was beautiful and refreshing and uplifting! I will never miss this, and if you go to Boston you shouldn't either! One of my favorite adventures in all of this.

Went back to the expo and met Paul. After browsing around some more (that expo is HUGE!) and figuring out what a cah and a wicked fast runnah was, we headed off to Fenway Park for a Red Sox game. I'm not a baseball fan, but MAN ALIVE! What an awesome experience! We sat right beneath the score board so everyone would turn and look at us :) Met some other Boston runners there and of course had a Fenway Frank. My father taught me well. You can't go to a baseball game and not have a hotdog! A little popcorn was good too.

(Newton Running picture for the South Valley Newtons! The best 'fitting room' in the expo!!)

After an amazing, almost no-hitter, game we went back to the expo and went our separate ways for the evening. I went through the expo...again :) and still didn't see it all, but then went to meet Lowell and Co (Terry, Smooth, Larry, Family etc) at Mafia Mamas. Such a wonderful treat. Great carb loading Italian! Then we went to the famous Mike's Pastries and got a world famous canoli. Oh YUM! Heaven I tell you, heaven!

We went back to our rooms and I tried to settle down and get to bed, but I was just too nervous. Crazy day! Antsy, ready to run and experience BOSTON!!! It took me until midnight or later to finally settle down and get to bed. My roommates were wonderful they said "feel free to make as much noise as you need! You've got YOUR big race tomorrow!" Already felt like a celebrity in my own little world :)

Woke up and got ready. Butterflies galore! I was doing this! Boston! I'd dreamed SO long about this, and here it was. I was going to run Boston! 

I met Smooth in the breakfast area and had some eggs and fruit and juice. I honestly can't remember all of it :) but, I did pack a pb bagel for the hours of sitting in the athletes village and some yogurt. When you don't run for another 4 hours I needed something to munch on. I also had a water bottle to keep fluids going. 

Rode the T to Boston Commons to pick up the bus with Smooth. Oh my word! I've NEVER seen such a crazy, long, winding line! We seriously could NOT find the end of it! I don't think there was an end. So, we just jumped in...merged in :) The people around us were SO fun! It was a pleasure to visit and have a good time while waiting for the bus. I still had crazy anxiety about all of this, but I was having a good time. How can you NOT have a good time with Smooth?!? :)

Smooth and I had the same shoes....something happened to one of my feet! :) Or, I have two left feet :) 

It wasn't too long of a wait until we got on the bus. There were 6 seats left and we got 2 of the last ones, so we had to split up, but were on the end of rows together. I sat by a guy named Martin from Ireland. He'd lived in the US for quite some time, but I loved his Irish accent. We chatted about life and he had qualified for and run Boston 10 years ago, but this time he said about 10 weeks ago he'd had one too many to drink and well...here he was :) Made me laugh. We talked about a little bit of everything and when he said he wanted to finish in under 4:00 I told him that after I had Adam I had 10 weeks of training and ran SGM in 3:45, so I KNEW he could do it. If he ever lost faith I told him just to think of the crazy pregnant lady who could do it and push through so he could still have his pride. We had some good bonding over that. I now wish I would've gotten his last name. He owns his own Electric Co in South Boston. I hope he finished.

We got off the bus and WOW! The amount of people, porta-potties, volunteers, everyone...everything. I was HERE!! Boston Baby!!! It was real, I was going to do this. We hit the pop and found a perfectly short corner line with lots of real estate. Perfect timing! BUT, I went to leave...NO TP!! What?!? My bag was outside...I had nothing...NOTHING! There weren't any stray papers on the floor or anything. Craptastic. Well, desperation took over. I peeled the top layer of cardboard off the rolls and used that. HA! Oh, man, new experiences at every turn. 

On our way over to where Smooth meets her friends they had a moment of silence for the Sandy Hook Victims. It was amazing and wonderful to see everyone go quiet. Made me tear up! They had food, water, samples...everything a runner could want there! Crazy!!! I was just SO impressed! The fields were muddy, but we made our way to the Hopkinton sign and got our pics, then Smooth found a friend and we laid our stuff down and I went to find Paul.On my way there, the water company Poland Springs were doing pictures with a white board that said "I run because...." and you filled in the blank. Anyone that knows me knows I say I run so I don't kill people :) HA! Funny, right? Well, it was then, but now has become a source of a little guilt that I wrote that on my board and had my picture taken to post to the world. However, I think if more people ran there WOULD be less violence! Anyway, off my soap box. Guilt for later. It was funny and I got some good laughs!

Me and SO many runners!!!

Found Paul and drug him back to Smooth and had him take a pic with the Hopkinton sign too. Then we did one together. Paul said he was going to stay with me the whole race, but I didn't want him to. I knew I wasn't going to be able to be as fast as he wanted. My legs just hadn't been feeling the speed love lately and I didn't want to ruin his experience. I tried to tell him over and over again if he wanted to that he could just leave me, but he said he just wanted to have fun. Okay....

We dropped our bags in the buses (cell phones included. Smooth told me I didn't have a thing to worry about anything in there!) and walked and walked and walked to the start line! Half way there a resident had put out a table with every last minute thing you could need! I took advantage of the free sunscreen and sharpie :) This was the first amazing feat of spectator love I felt and witnessed that day! We made a last minute stop at the pops at the finish line, and boy am I glad I did! I needed to get out the last of the fluid I'd taken in, plus...I checked for TP. I've never been so grateful for TP!!!

We made our way to corral 2 as they were getting ready to release wave 2, this was real! The guy that sat next to me on the plane on the way out came and found me and Paul and I were hamming it up for the cameras that were scanning the crowd. Jumping with my "Look at me!" Poor serious runners around me :) I could hardly stand it!!! This was the most amazing feeling I'd ever had in my life! I WAS ABOUT TO RUN BOSTON MARATHON!!!! Shortly afterward the gun fired and we were off! YIPPEEEE!!!

I hung to the right side of the road and shortly after the start line I started hearing my name. "Go Rachel. Go Paul" "Rachel, you look cute!" "Rachel, Rachel!" It was amazing! I was high-fiving everyone and I remembered people saying don't waste all your energy on the high-fives, but I couldn't help it! They were cheering for me and WANTED me to give them five. Cute kids and all! So, I did. I had a perma-smile! It was simply amazing. I really can't even describe how I felt...you just have to do it yourself :) I couldn't go 50 feet without hearing my name cheered along.

There were military men every 100yds or so and Paul and I made sure to thank each of them, as well as the officers. A lady from CO soon joined us and said "I want to stay with you guys. You are having fun and are the only other people thanking the officers!" So, we chatted and named her our silent partner. Since everyone was cheering Paul and Rachel, she was the silent partner :) At mile 2 I yelled "Slick says hello!" I got a cheer, but I don't know if they really heard me or not. I still had my perma-smile and told Paul that my legs might be fine, but my face was going to be sore from smiling SO much!!!

As far as how I was feeling physically at this point...well, it wasn't as good as I'd liked. My IT bands were achy, hams tight and knees creaky. I just kept thinking...warm up, it'll all go away, just warm-up. Unfortunately, due to the rolling course I never really felt like I got into a groove and physically it didn't get better. I kept a good sub 8mm for those first few checkpoints, but my body wasn't going to give me more. That was my comfortable.

The crowd never ceases...NEVER! Cheering, high-fives, oranges, popsicles, water, licorice, tissue...everything you could want every 100yds. Not to mention the cheering. I don't remember any of the scenery, just the faces and the exhilaration I felt the whole time! The course kind of stinks. They don't know Utah downhill :) Their downhill rolls...up and down. I wasn't expecting that much of a rolling course, but it wasn't horrible. Just not what I expected.

I'd heard how emotional Boston would be, but my biggest emotional time was around mile 5. The train tracks go just behind the homes you're running in front of. Anyone that has followed me for a while knows that I have a thing with trains. My dad loved trains! He passed over 6 years ago and sometimes when I hear the trains I know my dad is there watching. Well, unexpectedly the train blew its whistle and I just broke down. I knew my dad was watching and cheering for me. My biggest fan. I knew he was proud of how hard I'd worked and got to be with me and watch me finish this accomplishment of a lifetime. I couldn't stop the sobbing and tears. I love my daddy! 

I think around mile 10 I was getting to an exhaustion point. Paul offered some ibuprofen and I decided to take one. Take the edge off what wouldn't warm up. I wasn't sure at this point that mile 13 would ever come. I tried to just live in the crowd and forget about my legs! Gu down the hatch at mile 9, 15 and 21. Anything else I wanted when I wanted it along the way.

Mile 13 came with Wellsley. Oh my word! People aren't kidding about the noise! Those girls won't have a voice the next day, but man oh man! I think I high-fived all of them, but didn't kiss a one. Saw plenty of kissing going on, but I took the safe route. My face hurt from smiling so much again and I forgot about my pain :)

I loved crossing the mats that sent texts to a million people...all my superfans! I knew people would be cheering for me at home and it was just another amazing part of the race. Just after 16ish I saw Terry's friends that had taken us to Mike's Pastries the night before. I had made friends with their 8 year old and it just made my day to see his face light up and cheer for me when I went by!!! Someone who really knew me and was excited to see me!

I seriously just cannot explain how wonderful this race is with the never-ending crowd! I saw the missionaries and gave a Utah hello to them. Saw someone holding a sign referencing a D&C scripture and gave them a shout out too. I LOVED all the signs and little kids just clamoring to give you five or an orange slice or licorice. Man alive, Boston is THE BEST RACE EVER!!!

Then came Newton with its hills. I really didn't put much stock into the Newton Hills, because c'mon...I train in the foothills in Utah. How bad could they be? Well, they were a little tougher than expected :) Not a veyo by any means and they were all short, but the rollers beforehand took enough out of you to make them just a little worse than what I'd expected. I just tried to feed off the crowd and kept moving!

Just after mile 18 timing mat my knee buckled under me. This is the same issue that I had at Ogden and SGM last year. It only comes on in fast marathons and it stops shortly after I stop running. I've been to see someone about it, but since I can't pin point the pain after I've stopped running they can't diagnose anything. It really stinks. Well, Paul came to my rescue with another 2 ibuprofen. I threw them back and then I loved the hills, because it was less pressure to run UP than down. The hills gave the meds enough time to work and to keep me out of a ton of pain. Perfect solution. I slowed down here, and walked a few water stops, but Paul stuck by my poor, slow, crippled side.

After heart-break (which wasn't any worse than any others) it was all downhill :) okay, not really, but after the tougher hills it was a nice release! Especially with Boston College! It was definitely my favorite stretch of the race. Those co-eds must've been drunk around 10AM and they were just having the best time. Another solid high-five line for a solid mile at least. Boys yelling "Rachel, I love you!" I'd blow a kiss back or point and say "I love you too!" It was SO great to work the crowd and have them cheer for you. Again, I had sore cheeks from smiling so much!

I don't remember exactly when I saw that Citgo sign. The one everyone talks about that I'd seen the day before when I went to Fenway, but I finally knew where I was. This was the portion of the race where people started reaching out as far as they could from the barricades just to get a high-five. You felt like a rock-star. When people reach out and just want to touch you so they can feel a piece of your greatness? I know I'm nothing spectacular, but I thought about how long I'd idolized Boston runners. How long I'd wanted nothing but a BQ after my name :) How long I'd waited, wished, dreamed and worked for this. I gave them a piece of that dream. I'm nothing spectacular, but the dream of running Boston IS! That is what they wanted...a piece of that dream. I even had a guy push an officer back just a bit to put his hand out for a five. I'm tellin' ya...this race is amazing! Yes, we were still thanking all the uniformed military on the course as well as officers, fire fighters and EMTs we saw. 

Just before the underpass after Fenway, I saw Larissa, Julianna and Beth (Smooth's daughter and her friends...my roommates) They said my name so loud I looked :) I ran over to them to give them five! It was SO exciting again to see someone I knew and to hear them cheer for me. I think this was the only part of the race that I was ahead of Paul. I'd pulled a little ahead at a water station and I was finally feeling good again (thanks to the IB) and was just busting it out enjoying every minute! I knew any time goal of 3:20-3:30 was long gone, but now it was time to just revel in the experience! Here is my one picture (not from the professionals) from the race thanks to Julianna.

Not the cutest picture of me, but I love it! This was my happy! This is how I felt the WHOLE race despite my physical crap I was dealing with. It was BOSTON! I was running it and enjoying every minute!

That last mile that usually drags just flew by! Cheering increasing and I'd realized that saying "Right on Hereford, Left on Boylston" - I could see that right hand turn. It was coming. That finish line was coming!!! I just RAN. Ran and Ran and soaked those last few minutes in!

I hit Boylston and you can see the finish line for a good half mile! Not running tangents well, I had 26.5 on my garmin, so the full last stretch on Boylston was over my 26. I spotted Larry right in front of the flags like Smooth had said. He didn't see me, but I called HIS name and finally caught his attention. I just smiled and sprinted that full half mile. I'd been told this is where the emotions would flow, but I was just Happy! Happy! Exuberant! High on life! I just can't even describe it! I'd worshiped that finish line and this race. I'd worked so hard and here I was. No longer a dream, I was crossing that finish line as a finisher of the Boston Marathon. The oldest race in America. The most coveted experience to a runner. I was here and I was finishing. I just can't even describe how exceptionally wonderful I felt. My quintessential happy! This was it. I crossed that finish line and just couldn't believe it was already over. I'd done it. I'd done it!

All those early mornings. All those speed workouts. The hills...ugh, the hills. The long runs in cold, snow, heat, throwing up, the good the bad the ugly...this was where it all came together and was worth it! I seriously just can not describe how much this meant to me and how wonderful it all was!!!

Paul and I gave our Boston fist bump and were just SO excited to have done this...and together. What a wonderful friend to hang with me despite all my physical failings this race. If I wouldn't have gotten that IB from him it wouldn't have been the same last 8 miles. I was happy to have him by my side and to share this amazing experience! Awesome, just awesome! Boston Baby!!

The finish chute is FOREVER long. You walk 100 yds past the med tents (where Smooth's son Eric was and I was glad to not go in and see him!), then get water. Another 100 yds to your blanket. Yes, they keep the wind off and keep you a tad warmer. It was perfect weather, but just cool enough with a biting breeze that when you stopped it got cold...fast! Shaking uncontrollably, but still just happy! Shoulder to shoulder with other runners like another herd of cattle trying to get to our bags after a wonderful race. You got a sticker to go on the blanket to hold it together (without hands), Then then next 100 yds were the medals! I got my medal!! I know there were 27,000 of them sitting there...but one of them had my name on it! It was mine, I earned it and deserved it! Another 100yds for bananas and a bag of food, then finally the buses with the bags.

Of course my bus was one of the last ones on the street, but I got right there and they handed it out the bus window to me. I love how organized it is! I grabbed some warm clothes and my Boston jacket and then of course I needed my finish line picture!

There it is! See that smile?!? That is my happy! That is where I was SO elated and happy I could've run another 10 miles of a victory lap! :) The Boston finishers picture. Nothing come close to comparing!!!

Then of course I had to have one with my running partner:

After grabbing Paul's stuff from the bus we headed back towards the finish line to meet up with Larry where I'd seen him to cheer in Smooth, Lowell and Terry who were still out on the course.

This is where I'm going to end this report. Not that more didn't happen, not that it isn't memory worthy, but I don't want that memory scarring my Boston Happy. If you want to read about what happened on our way back to find Larry, you'll have to read Tuesday's entry. I'm leaving my Monday Boston Happy right here!

TT: 3:41:21 Splits (on garmin): 8:05, 7:55, 7:49, 7:45, 7:55, 7:51, 7:52, 8:06, 8:17, 8:15, 8:14, 8:10, 8:23, 8:12, 8:32, 8:10, 8:51, 8:53, 8:55, 9:09, 9:34, 8:51, 8:31, 8:38, 8:34, 8:25, 7:15 (last 1/2 mile! Love the last split to be the fastest!)

splits from Boston:

After we'd gathered all of our stuff we headed back to the convention center to find Larry to be able to stay with him and cheer in Smooth, Lowell and Terry. We were on Stuart Street (I figured this out MUCH later! I was just heading back, paralleling the marathon course as far as I knew) and were between Dartmouth and Exeter when we heard the blasts. We had NO idea what it was. I turned to someone behind me and asked, wanting reassurance "Patriots Day re-enactment, right?" It was my safe answer. I didn't want my mind to go anywhere other than that. I didn't want to think of where my fear was taking me of what the sound could be.

 You could tell right away conversations quieted. People looked up from phones etc and everyone was looking around. The blasts seemed closer than 10 seconds together to me, but who was counting  then, right? I mentioned to Paul as I looked around "no one liked that sound...no one liked that sound." We continued on. Wanting to become part of the amazing cheering crowd we'd just fed off of for our comrades still out on the course! I knew where Larry was and that he wasn't moving until Smooth came. So, we just continued on. 

By the time we got to the triangular intersection of Stuart, Exeter and Huntington people were flooding toward us. In each others arms, on the phone, crying "it was 50 feet away" "it was 100 yds away." I again observed out loud to Paul "We are going that way and everyone else is coming this way." Our first clue something was wrong. We started trying to stop people and ask them what had happened. I was texting Becca and Kelli and asked both of them what had happened, but they were just confused at my question. People said there was a bomb, explosion or something of the like at the finish line. WHAT?!? It was just incomprehensible. I couldn't wrap my mind around an explosion at the finish line. What? A garbage can blew up or something? I couldn't even imagine. Then they said there was another one down the street. Around the corner? On Hereford? No one could answer us. Looking into the faces of the spectators, including children, that had just witnessed this I couldn't grasp it. I still didn't get it. We kept walking. Knowing that Larry wouldn't move until Smooth came by. The cops were screaming at the poor hobbling marathoners to get out of the road while cops and ambulances screamed down the street at HIGH speeds. It was intense. Something was wrong, I just didn't grasp what it was!

After we'd crossed the street and gone 50yds towards the finish line the police then pushed us back and said we couldn't go any further down Exeter. We didn't realize that was the end of the bleachers of the finish line, we had no idea how close we were. I apologize for always speaking with WEs and not just ME. Having Paul there was something I will always be grateful for! I assume what was going through my head was the same for him. So, if you read back and forth between we and I, I apologize, but if it wasn't for the WE that day things would've been a LOT different for me.

When I finally realized the severity of what had happened was when a runner (remember how close we were to the finish) came and asked where bags were. She just needed to get her bag. Perplexed I asked "They didn't let you finish?" "No. They closed the course." We pointed her in the direction of the buses and I stood dumbfounded. They shut the course down?!? You don't shut down a marathon course! Especially Boston. Something horrible just happened...horrible. This is worse than I can imagine...so much worse. I then asked the officer if the T (subway) was open, nope. buses? nope. Crap. I knew the hotel was only 3ish miles away (or figured) and I knew I could walk back if needed, but what do I do now?

I assumed Smooth had put her phone in her drop bag and I knew the route was closed, but I figured it was just at the end. I figured Larry would've been moved back. I didn't have his number. Lowell and Terry were still out there loving the run and Smooth didn't have her phone. Where do I go? What do I do? I started calling my husband, but couldn't get a line out. Paul's phone was working and when he finished talking to Tiff I asked to call Craig.

Emotional as I stood in the middle of the triangular intersection (on an island and not being able to move fast enough to get across before the speeding responding vehicles), tears began to flow as I said "I"m okay....I'm okay" My husband I'm sure just rolled his eyes. He had a tone in his voice that said "great! you run marathons all the time, why are you crying?!? weirdo!" I then explained that there were 2 bombs at the finish line and if he started hearing anything that I was okay, not to worry. That brought a little silence to the line. We said our good-byes and then Paul and I tried to figure out what to do now.

Looking around I saw a bunch of people in the mall near us and I suggested going in there. As we walked in you saw people staring at the TVs on the wall of the sports bar. There was a 2 story TV that I was drawn to. I wanted to know what was happening. This is where I first saw what had happened. My heart fell. The church where I'd had such a moving experience the day before, the streets I'd walked on, the finish line I'd worshiped, all defaced. A bomb. Intended to hurt and maim. With the second explosion it confirmed in your mind this was deliberate. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Those booms I'd heard could've been someone's last breath. Oh, please don't let anyone die from this.

I'd been fielding texts for some time asking if I was okay. My phone was just buzzing nearly constantly. I couldn't  keep up. Any number I didn't have a name attached to I asked if it was Larry. One of them was Julianna, my roommate. I'm glad they are okay and that I had a contact point now! No news on Smooth or others though. We sat and watched the TV and when we got yelled at for blocking the way went up the escalator to sit and watch from above. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. What kind of person did this sort of thing to destroy people's happy?!? Why would you destroy an accomplishment of a lifetime like this?!? I knew the running world had changed forever.

The only phone call I got in was from QP, my sister. It was SO nice to just hear her voice and to talk to her. I would get voice messages knowing people were calling, but hers was the only phone call I got in. Tender Mercies of the Lord. Tender Mercies.

I had a friend from KSL news radio contact me and want an interview. I couldn't call out, but Paul's phone still worked (darn iphones!) So I called her on his phone. As I finished up with her my phone rang and they'd finally gotten through to me. Paul then spoke to them on my phone. Shortly after this as Paul and I sat perplexed, not knowing what to do, what to think or where to go I saw a little boy (maybe 18mo?) running around just smiling, laughing and playing. I just went up to him and had him give me five. I loved that little guy! No one could take his happy. He was so innocent. I needed to see that and feel that again. He totally made my day! I'll never forget his face! Keep smilin' little dude.

Then, as news as unexploded devices had been found we got worried about staying where we were. Finally, a guy came up the escalator and said cops were clearing the mall. Crap. What now?!? We walked the length of the mall and exited out the back of the mall. Julianna then texted me and asked if I wanted them to come get me. YES!!! She asked where I was. I was outside on the street. Behind a mall. I didn't know where I was. I started asking out loud "does anyone know the name of this street?!? Can anyone tell me where I am?!? I don't know where I am!" It stinks to be lost in a crowd of people going somewhere and you have no idea where to go or what to do. A sweet lady in a long black coat and a pink Red Sox hat explained where we were. We'd exited on Dartmouth Street. The grid was alphabetical (finally! some reason to the grid! I can follow it now!), go to the light...turn left on Columbus and follow it until you get to the A street... Arlington, turn left and it will take you to Boston Commons. Finally, I had somewhere to go, a place to meet my group, a reuniting! As we walked along the ambulances were just lined up bumper to bumper in a huge traffic jam. It was a little disconcerting knowing that injured people were in there and not going anywhere.

Along the way as Paul and I discussed the situation and possible perpetrators a couple guys passed us. As they did so, I could see blood smears on their backs and pants. I asked if they were there. Yes. They were vets back from a tour in Iraq and witnessed the bombings. They'd helped load people into ambulances and were now trying to just get home. I made them stop and gave them a hug and told them thank you for everything! Not only their service in the army, but today to help all those injured. They were the heroes. They probably didn't appreciate my sincere show off appreciation as much as it meant to me to give it, but I still felt I needed to do it.

When we got to the corner of the Commons I texted Julianna and told her I was finally there and where were they. The Commons is HUGE, think Liberty Park here in Utah...or bigger. Just seconds later I saw the girls running toward me from across the street. They were meeting at the corner just across the street. Another Tender Mercy of the Lord. Smooth was gone to the bathroom, but was there and good. Lowell and Terry were at McDonalds eating...surprised? No :)

I sat and debriefed with the girls and Eric (who had just been dismissed from the med tent) and their experiences. Eric refused to tell us what he saw...I'm grateful I wasn't there and didn't have to first hand witness any of that. Larry then had us walk toward where Smooth had gone. When I finally saw her, my stomach jumped. I broke down. I just had to hug her! It was so good to just be with her again and to know we were all okay. She hadn't finished, but was safe and okay. So was the rest of our group. We couldn't have asked for more. There will be other finish lines! She was FREEZING! Despite a jacket and a mylar blanket someone had given to her. So, I pulled my sweat pants out (that were actually my dad's when he was alive...2XL!) and made her put them on. They were HUGE! Gave me a good laugh that I really needed. We put the drawstring up over her neck to keep them up. Oh dear, I still laugh just looking at the picture!

I then asked Eric if he would be willing to talk to KSL and he agreed and so I handed him my phone and shortly after I got it back it died. No more communication for me. I hope I don't need it to find my way back to the hotel. No money and no phone. At least I had good friends!!!!

We wandered our way over to the McDonalds to reunite with Lowell and Terry and again it was just good to see them! Smooth, Lowell and Terry couldn't get their bags, because they had bomb sniffing dogs go through the buses before handing out anymore bags. But, we had somewhere to sit and relax that was warm with food. I wasn't about to eat McDonalds after a marathon, but my wonderful sugar daddy Paul bought me a chocolate milk. It was 2 swallows of heaven :)

There at McDonalds as we talked to others was where I found out an 8 year old had died. My heart broke right then and there. An 8 year old?!? Who targets an 8 year old?!? I broke down crying. I couldn't take anymore hurt. You see, I have an 8 year old that come to my finish lines. I put myself in that parents shoes. Just there to watch mom/dad accomplish a feat of a lifetime, but paid with their life for the opportunity. Oh, the guilt and sadness that parent will have. This was too real. I didn't want to go through this anymore.

As we all talked together a reporter from the Boston Globe came and interviewed me and some others. It was surreal. We waited for Larry and Eric to grab Smooth, Lowell and Terry's bags that were recently released and then we noticed the T was open (according to the officers outside of it outbound from the city only) and we finally headed back to the hotel.

Since Paul only knew how to get back to the house he was staying at by bus he just joined us in heading to the hotel and we figured we'd get him home from there. When we finally got back to the hotel around 7:00 or later they had a managers reception of flatbread pizza and salad. Oh, it was mana to my soul! I wasn't super hungry, still more anxious than anything, but it was good. We also then started watching the news...ugh, the news! Turn it off :( Paul got to plug in his phone and make some more calls/texts and get life sorted out. 

After eating a woman who was in America from Dubai to take her little 2 yr old to a children's hospital here was near us and I started talking to her. We had a lot in common. 1 girl and 3 boys, the youngest about the same age. That little boy was SO cute! I had a wonderful conversation with mom and played with that cute smiling boy. I forgot about my problems and just enjoyed the spirit of that little boy and his mom. A light in my dark day. Children are just that way. Always a ray of light in the darkness. Hold onto them and love them unconditionally. They are precious above all, for their innocence and love! Most of all, just get swallowed in by their smiles! How can you not love a smiling, happy child?!? I will forever be grateful to this family for allowing me to escape my day into their joy and peace. Thank You.

After they left I turned around and saw the TV again. The contrast between the two feelings was palpable. I wanted that family back, not the TV. Eric had a car in town and we'd thought about having him drive Paul home, but then when we realized how far away his car was and that it was 3 points of a triangle around the city of where we were, where the car was and where Paul needed to go...we looked for a better option. I plugged my phone in upstairs in my room and took off the mylar blanket and dropped my bag off then headed down to the desk to check on Paul's plans.

He could take the T to where he could grab a bus and then he knew how to get home on the bus. So, Eric and I walked him across the river back to the T station. I didn't want to come home alone. Eric said he'd help with his mad ninja skills. I decided I was Paul's Amazon protector! The Ninja, The Amazon...and Paul.

It is always nice to combat fear and distress with humor. That is my personality :) Always good for a laugh!

When I got back to the hotel I answered FB and texts that had again piled up, then decided to go decompress with Smooth in her room. We sat glued to the TV and talking until 1:30 in the morning, eating chips and salsa so graciously provided days earlier by Lowell.  Eric would see pictures on the TV and remark "I remember helping her" "He was my patient" poor guy has a lot to carry. I finally wandered back to my room and since my phone had again died (I killed it twice in one day!) I did a final scan/reply of messages and posts.

I had the TV on and it just really finally got to the point where I would see that lady in the bright green shirt at the top of the screen and then glance and see the clock at 4:09 and just shut my eyes and cover my ears. I didn't want to see or hear it again. That boom that I heard and felt was someone's last breath. It was someone's deliberate attack on all I held as wonderful, good and healing in the world. It stole my happy and my peace and I was having a hard time letting it go. I just didn't want to see it anymore. I should've turned the TV off, but that presented an even greater problem...quiet.

It was 3:00 AM. I still had not showered, changed my clothes or washed my face. My bib was still on my skirt and my cherished jacket on my shoulders. My yellow and black ribbons tied in the bottom of my braids that came with me for 26.2 miles through one of the most wonderful races I'd ever experienced. As I shut the TV off and contemplated going to shower I froze. The girls I was rooming with had to be up in 3 short hours to catch a bus. I didn't want to wake them, but more than that I didn't want to shower. I can't tell you why. I don't know why. But I didn't. I didn't want to stand vulnerable and alone in the shower. I didn't want to wash away my Boston. It was still with me. My sweat and stink still there, all that had made me happy! I wasn't ready to let it go. I wasn't ready to be that alone. I wasn't ready for it. I can't really fully explain my feelings, but I really just didn't want to shower. Gross and perplexing I know, but it was SO much more than that to me at that moment. I realized that I was leaving the next day. They were washing sheets regardless. So, I took my stink. Bib still on my skirt, jacket still on my shoulders, braids still in my hair and snuggled into bed and finally, exhausted, fell asleep.

I awoke Tuesday morning to an empty room. It was 8:00AM and the girls had left and I didn't even hear them! I guess I was tired. I really wanted to say good-bye, I thought for sure I'd wake up, but I guess I needed to sleep. When I woke up I couldn't go back to sleep. If you know me, you know I have a talent for sleeping. Only 5 hours of sleep after a marathon and the day I had? Not right, just not right.

I woke up and was ready to shower and get on with the day. A few quick texts later and I met Lowell and Terry at breakfast. Smooth and her family came down to say good-bye shortly after as well. They were taking the T to Eric's car then driving back to Ohio where Eric lives. It was hard to say good-bye after the day before, but it was soon done and they were on their way. 

After a nice, big breakfast fit for a glutton I went back up to the room and packed up. Lowell and Terry were going to drag me around town on the freedom trail...my choice. I dropped stuff in their room and we took off exploring Bunker Hill, but the monument was closed. Stink. I couldn't do the traditional climb of Bunker Hill the day after the marathon. Another plan foiled by a little stinker! We then headed over to the USS Constitution and I had a great time there at the museum, but surprise, surprise...it was closed too. Terry took my picture in front of the USS Constitution with the flag at half mast. Oh, how I'll always remember that.

Every where you went (wearing marathon stuff, of course!) you could strike up a conversation with anyone. "Did you get to finish?" was always the first question. You'd exchange stories of where you were, what went through your head, what this meant for the running world. You never had to explain your emotions. Everyone felt what you felt. It was a somber/sullen mood around the city, but supportive. It was like a HUGE group therapy session. I could shake an officer's hand and look him in the eye and say "Thank You!" and he didn't question why, he just looked back and would smile or nod knowing my heartfelt gratitude. Their presence was very large, every corner and major intersection. I felt safe. I felt supported and knew everyone had my back. We'd bonded together, this city and I. My heart, at least my running heart, still lingers there.

After seeing old Ironsides we took off toward the North Church, the one Paul Revere made famous with the lanterns "one if by land, two if by sea." It is simply amazing to see SO much history in this city. To live it and feel it. To know that these are heroes you spent years studying about. They didn't back down. The world has never known truer patriots. It was neat to honor them on a day I needed a little courage myself.

A man we met on our way into the church said I wasn't walking like I'd just run a marathon. I said "I hope not, I've got another on Saturday!" The dismay in his face was priceless :) I know many people do it...and more, but this would be my first double. I was excited to get out and run again, despite the fatigue in my legs.

As we entered the church they were giving a speech about the church and its heritage and significance. The thing that caught my eye? A memorial to those involved in Monday's tragedy. 

It was touching. Again, I felt the support of the city behind me. I didn't have to explain anything. The jacket said it all. I was proud to be there. I was suffering along with the city. I was sorry that I had been there to run the marathon so that the perpetrators would have an event to destroy. I'm sorry I coveted the event so much that it could make such an impact. I'm sorry it was the spectators and not the runners that were hurt. They made the race for me! Those that were cheering for me just moments before and for just some ol' stranger named Rachel were suffering. My heart hurt, but the city and the people there understood. No explanation needed. I really felt at home and at peace there with the city that held my running heart!

Next we continued along the freedom trail to the Holocaust memorial. When Lowell suggested this I first said no. I told him my heart was hurting enough and I didn't think it could take any more. But, he told me it would be one of the most amazing experiences. Well, as usual...he was right! Yes, it broke my heart more, but it gave me strength. Strength to resolve to live life. To LOVE life and to not be afraid in the face of darkness and terror. To speak out and to love those that I care about more deeply. To share what I have and to not take it for granted. As bleak as life seemed at the moment, it could've been worse. I had my friends and my family and we were all safe. What more could I have asked for? Here is one of my favorite quotes on the memorial, one you've heard before I'm sure, but it bears repeating. If you haven't been there in Boston, make a stop next time you're there.

 Across from the Holocaust memorial was The Bells Inn. The oldest tavern in America. Had to get that photo op! Almost went in and bought someone a beer. Would've been the first alcoholic beverage I'd ever bought. Figured if I was going to do it, might as well be there :)

From there we headed down to Faneuil Hall, the cradle of Liberty. Again, the historical significance is just overwhelming! Amazing to see and be apart of SO much history.

After a short trip through some of the stores there, we caught a taxi back to the hotel. It was time for me to leave. Oh, it was hard to believe it was all over...already over. It had come and gone SO quickly, too quickly. I needed a couple more days. I needed my support group :) I did also want to get home and just hold my babies though. When you are hurting and confused it is hard to be without family! My running family was a wonderful stand in, but Smooth doesn't cuddle quite like my baby boy does :)

At the airport I ran into a couple friends from SLC also taking the non-stop home. We grabbed lunch at Fudruckers, but I talked too much and so I stayed at the tables while they went back to the gate. Lucky for me my sister QP called and I got a nice long chat with her. I love to be the last person on the plane. You're sitting long enough, why sit an extra 30 minutes by boarding the plane early?!? Well, I talked a little too long. As I headed back to the gate saying my good-byes I heard them call my name as a last call for boarding! YIKES! Okay, okay, I'm on my way. I still had to wait in a line on the jetway and on the plane before I got to my seat.

Someone had 'mis-read' A window seat for F window seat. I think it was the 8 year old in the middle seat that caused this lapse of ability to read and reason. But, I didn't mind, so I took the F and let the stubborn goat sit in A. I pick my window seats very carefully. I like to see my house when I fly home and I know where I need to sit to see it. But, the ride next to Miss Tessa made it all worth it! I recognized "Team Poppe" shirts from the sidelines at the marathon and I had a splendid time sitting next to Tessa. Coloring with her, talking her through choices, laughing with her. Made my flight! I did sleep a little and chat with her mom and dad too, but she was such a pleasant girl! Only catch was that I'd committed to reading "Life of Pi" on the vacation so that I could watch it with hubby soon. I was NOT happy when the preview for the feature film came on and it was "Life of Pi." Gave me an excuse to read and not watch the movie :) It was hard to keep my eyes off the screen, but I want the book to be read with MY pictures in my head...not the movie pictures. So, I just pushed my nose in my book and read.

While on the flight I thought a lot about what had happened and how running life was going to be from here on out. I'd heard about multiple tributes for Boston...26 days of running, run 2.6 miles, exercise 26 minutes for 26 days....nothing spoke to me about really being a tribute to Boston. Then, it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I was slated to pace 3:55 with Paul in SLC, but I knew it needed to be different. I knew I needed to pace 4:10 and be there at the finish line at that horrible 4:09:43 when the bomb went off. I wanted to show the world we weren't afraid. Runners would run again and spectators would cheer again and we weren't afraid of that time! We would do it for those who couldn't do it. We would do it to honor memories and to stand as a running community of one. We would be Boston Strong together. One of my first texts (after to hubby of course) on the ground was to Jonathan to have him switch us around as pacers. This had to happen. I texted Paul and got him on board...yup, this was going to happen!

I was the last person off the plane and since sweet Miss Tessa had fallen asleep the last hour I really needed to pee! So, I stopped at the bathroom. My poor family and hubby were rather anxious to see me and I was just taking my sweet time. All the other Boston Jackets came and went and they were still waiting. It just made it that much sweeter, right? :)

But, I have to say it was hard coming home. Looking at faces that didn't have that support in them. They looked at you with pity. You were there. Should they say anything? What should they say? Congrats? Sorry? Almost like you'd personally suffered a tragedy of losing a loved one and they just didn't know what to say to you. My support group of Boston citizens was gone, and it was palpable.

Holding my little ones again was fantastic! I didn't want to let them go. Just to feel all wrapped up in that warm, unconditional, innocent love again was just what I needed. Having my mom and hubby there made all the difference in the world. I was loved. These people were all I needed to make it through. It was Tuesday night. I headed home with my family and fell asleep in a familiar place, in familiar arms. Home.

Wednesday morning I took to the gym when I got up and saw friends and chatted too much about Boston. Talking about it was therapeutic! Especially with friends that understood. But, again my Boston support group was better. I didn't really have the vocabulary to express how I was feeling. I don't know if such a vocabulary exists. I didn't have to try to explain it in Boston, we all just felt it. I couldn't explain it here and it felt awkward trying to do so. After a few feeble attempts I decided I just didn't want to anymore. I would speak of the good, but leave the rest alone.

I walked a lot...a few miles and it sure felt good. I don't know if it was the company or the walking, but my legs were getting ready to run again.

When I got home I had an email from the SLC marathon. I'd made a comment on their post that 2 Boston Marathon finishers would be pacing Saturday and we'd love people to join us. I guess they'd been looking for runners from Boston to do stories on for the paper...of course I volunteered :) I also explained to the marathon people what I was trying to do with the finish time. They were SO supportive and simply said "oh yeah, this is going to happen. We'll make this happen." My tribute was coming alive. I could feel it growing in the hearts of others too. It wasn't just me. It was catching fire!

A writer from Des News, Whitney Evans who I had worked with at Cottonwood Heights ages ago, came out to the house and did an interview with me. She overstayed her time and simply said "you're such a good story teller, I was just drawn in!" Yup, sleeping and talking/telling stories....my two best talents :) I had also given her Paul's info so that she could get his side. He says things much more eloquently than I do and with greater perspective. He needed a voice in this too. It was our tribute! Little did I know how much this would catch fire until the next day.....

(Now I'm off for the weekend to Ragnar Trail and so you'll have to sit on pins and needles to see how the rest of the tribute turns out...or just pull up a few clips/stories/pictures...whatever :) )

Right now I'm just logging miles. I'll log the journey later :)