After we'd gathered all of our stuff we headed back to the convention center to find Larry to be able to stay with him and cheer in Smooth, Lowell and Terry. We were on Stuart Street (I figured this out MUCH later! I was just heading back, paralleling the marathon course as far as I knew) and were between Dartmouth and Exeter when we heard the blasts. We had NO idea what it was. I turned to someone behind me and asked, wanting reassurance "Patriots Day re-enactment, right?" It was my safe answer. I didn't want my mind to go anywhere other than that. I didn't want to think of where my fear was taking me of what the sound could be. You could tell right away conversations quieted. People looked up from phones etc and everyone was looking around. The blasts seemed closer than 10 seconds together to me, but who was counting then, right? I mentioned to Paul as I looked around "no one liked that sound...no one liked that sound." We continued on. Wanting to become part of the amazing cheering crowd we'd just fed off of for our comrades still out on the course! I knew where Larry was and that he wasn't moving until Smooth came. So, we just continued on. By the time we got to the triangular intersection of Stuart, Exeter and Huntington people were flooding toward us. In each others arms, on the phone, crying "it was 50 feet away" "it was 100 yds away." I again observed out loud to Paul "We are going that way and everyone else is coming this way." Our first clue something was wrong. We started trying to stop people and ask them what had happened. I was texting Becca and Kelli and asked both of them what had happened, but they were just confused at my question. People said there was a bomb, explosion or something of the like at the finish line. WHAT?!? It was just incomprehensible. I couldn't wrap my mind around an explosion at the finish line. What? A garbage can blew up or something? I couldn't even imagine. Then they said there was another one down the street. Around the corner? On Hereford? No one could answer us. Looking into the faces of the spectators, including children, that had just witnessed this I couldn't grasp it. I still didn't get it. We kept walking. Knowing that Larry wouldn't move until Smooth came by. The cops were screaming at the poor hobbling marathoners to get out of the road while cops and ambulances screamed down the street at HIGH speeds. It was intense. Something was wrong, I just didn't grasp what it was!
After we'd crossed the street and gone 50yds towards the finish line the police then pushed us back and said we couldn't go any further down Exeter. We didn't realize that was the end of the bleachers of the finish line, we had no idea how close we were. I apologize for always speaking with WEs and not just ME. Having Paul there was something I will always be grateful for! I assume what was going through my head was the same for him. So, if you read back and forth between we and I, I apologize, but if it wasn't for the WE that day things would've been a LOT different for me. When I finally realized the severity of what had happened was when a runner (remember how close we were to the finish) came and asked where bags were. She just needed to get her bag. Perplexed I asked "They didn't let you finish?" "No. They closed the course." We pointed her in the direction of the buses and I stood dumbfounded. They shut the course down?!? You don't shut down a marathon course! Especially Boston. Something horrible just happened...horrible. This is worse than I can imagine...so much worse. I then asked the officer if the T (subway) was open, nope. buses? nope. Crap. I knew the hotel was only 3ish miles away (or figured) and I knew I could walk back if needed, but what do I do now? I assumed Smooth had put her phone in her drop bag and I knew the route was closed, but I figured it was just at the end. I figured Larry would've been moved back. I didn't have his number. Lowell and Terry were still out there loving the run and Smooth didn't have her phone. Where do I go? What do I do? I started calling my husband, but couldn't get a line out. Paul's phone was working and when he finished talking to Tiff I asked to call Craig. Emotional as I stood in the middle of the triangular intersection (on an island and not being able to move fast enough to get across before the speeding responding vehicles), tears began to flow as I said "I"m okay....I'm okay" My husband I'm sure just rolled his eyes. He had a tone in his voice that said "great! you run marathons all the time, why are you crying?!? weirdo!" I then explained that there were 2 bombs at the finish line and if he started hearing anything that I was okay, not to worry. That brought a little silence to the line. We said our good-byes and then Paul and I tried to figure out what to do now. Looking around I saw a bunch of people in the mall near us and I suggested going in there. As we walked in you saw people staring at the TVs on the wall of the sports bar. There was a 2 story TV that I was drawn to. I wanted to know what was happening. This is where I first saw what had happened. My heart fell. The church where I'd had such a moving experience the day before, the streets I'd walked on, the finish line I'd worshiped, all defaced. A bomb. Intended to hurt and maim. With the second explosion it confirmed in your mind this was deliberate. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Those booms I'd heard could've been someone's last breath. Oh, please don't let anyone die from this. I'd been fielding texts for some time asking if I was okay. My phone was just buzzing nearly constantly. I couldn't keep up. Any number I didn't have a name attached to I asked if it was Larry. One of them was Julianna, my roommate. I'm glad they are okay and that I had a contact point now! No news on Smooth or others though. We sat and watched the TV and when we got yelled at for blocking the way went up the escalator to sit and watch from above. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. What kind of person did this sort of thing to destroy people's happy?!? Why would you destroy an accomplishment of a lifetime like this?!? I knew the running world had changed forever. The only phone call I got in was from QP, my sister. It was SO nice to just hear her voice and to talk to her. I would get voice messages knowing people were calling, but hers was the only phone call I got in. Tender Mercies of the Lord. Tender Mercies. I had a friend from KSL news radio contact me and want an interview. I couldn't call out, but Paul's phone still worked (darn iphones!) So I called her on his phone. As I finished up with her my phone rang and they'd finally gotten through to me. Paul then spoke to them on my phone. Shortly after this as Paul and I sat perplexed, not knowing what to do, what to think or where to go I saw a little boy (maybe 18mo?) running around just smiling, laughing and playing. I just went up to him and had him give me five. I loved that little guy! No one could take his happy. He was so innocent. I needed to see that and feel that again. He totally made my day! I'll never forget his face! Keep smilin' little dude. Then, as news as unexploded devices had been found we got worried about staying where we were. Finally, a guy came up the escalator and said cops were clearing the mall. Crap. What now?!? We walked the length of the mall and exited out the back of the mall. Julianna then texted me and asked if I wanted them to come get me. YES!!! She asked where I was. I was outside on the street. Behind a mall. I didn't know where I was. I started asking out loud "does anyone know the name of this street?!? Can anyone tell me where I am?!? I don't know where I am!" It stinks to be lost in a crowd of people going somewhere and you have no idea where to go or what to do. A sweet lady in a long black coat and a pink Red Sox hat explained where we were. We'd exited on Dartmouth Street. The grid was alphabetical (finally! some reason to the grid! I can follow it now!), go to the light...turn left on Columbus and follow it until you get to the A street... Arlington, turn left and it will take you to Boston Commons. Finally, I had somewhere to go, a place to meet my group, a reuniting! As we walked along the ambulances were just lined up bumper to bumper in a huge traffic jam. It was a little disconcerting knowing that injured people were in there and not going anywhere. 
Along the way as Paul and I discussed the situation and possible perpetrators a couple guys passed us. As they did so, I could see blood smears on their backs and pants. I asked if they were there. Yes. They were vets back from a tour in Iraq and witnessed the bombings. They'd helped load people into ambulances and were now trying to just get home. I made them stop and gave them a hug and told them thank you for everything! Not only their service in the army, but today to help all those injured. They were the heroes. They probably didn't appreciate my sincere show off appreciation as much as it meant to me to give it, but I still felt I needed to do it. When we got to the corner of the Commons I texted Julianna and told her I was finally there and where were they. The Commons is HUGE, think Liberty Park here in Utah...or bigger. Just seconds later I saw the girls running toward me from across the street. They were meeting at the corner just across the street. Another Tender Mercy of the Lord. Smooth was gone to the bathroom, but was there and good. Lowell and Terry were at McDonalds eating...surprised? No :) I sat and debriefed with the girls and Eric (who had just been dismissed from the med tent) and their experiences. Eric refused to tell us what he saw...I'm grateful I wasn't there and didn't have to first hand witness any of that. Larry then had us walk toward where Smooth had gone. When I finally saw her, my stomach jumped. I broke down. I just had to hug her! It was so good to just be with her again and to know we were all okay. She hadn't finished, but was safe and okay. So was the rest of our group. We couldn't have asked for more. There will be other finish lines! She was FREEZING! Despite a jacket and a mylar blanket someone had given to her. So, I pulled my sweat pants out (that were actually my dad's when he was alive...2XL!) and made her put them on. They were HUGE! Gave me a good laugh that I really needed. We put the drawstring up over her neck to keep them up. Oh dear, I still laugh just looking at the picture!  I then asked Eric if he would be willing to talk to KSL and he agreed and so I handed him my phone and shortly after I got it back it died. No more communication for me. I hope I don't need it to find my way back to the hotel. No money and no phone. At least I had good friends!!!! We wandered our way over to the McDonalds to reunite with Lowell and Terry and again it was just good to see them! Smooth, Lowell and Terry couldn't get their bags, because they had bomb sniffing dogs go through the buses before handing out anymore bags. But, we had somewhere to sit and relax that was warm with food. I wasn't about to eat McDonalds after a marathon, but my wonderful sugar daddy Paul bought me a chocolate milk. It was 2 swallows of heaven :) There at McDonalds as we talked to others was where I found out an 8 year old had died. My heart broke right then and there. An 8 year old?!? Who targets an 8 year old?!? I broke down crying. I couldn't take anymore hurt. You see, I have an 8 year old that come to my finish lines. I put myself in that parents shoes. Just there to watch mom/dad accomplish a feat of a lifetime, but paid with their life for the opportunity. Oh, the guilt and sadness that parent will have. This was too real. I didn't want to go through this anymore. As we all talked together a reporter from the Boston Globe came and interviewed me and some others. It was surreal. We waited for Larry and Eric to grab Smooth, Lowell and Terry's bags that were recently released and then we noticed the T was open (according to the officers outside of it outbound from the city only) and we finally headed back to the hotel. Since Paul only knew how to get back to the house he was staying at by bus he just joined us in heading to the hotel and we figured we'd get him home from there. When we finally got back to the hotel around 7:00 or later they had a managers reception of flatbread pizza and salad. Oh, it was mana to my soul! I wasn't super hungry, still more anxious than anything, but it was good. We also then started watching the news...ugh, the news! Turn it off :( Paul got to plug in his phone and make some more calls/texts and get life sorted out. After eating a woman who was in America from Dubai to take her little 2 yr old to a children's hospital here was near us and I started talking to her. We had a lot in common. 1 girl and 3 boys, the youngest about the same age. That little boy was SO cute! I had a wonderful conversation with mom and played with that cute smiling boy. I forgot about my problems and just enjoyed the spirit of that little boy and his mom. A light in my dark day. Children are just that way. Always a ray of light in the darkness. Hold onto them and love them unconditionally. They are precious above all, for their innocence and love! Most of all, just get swallowed in by their smiles! How can you not love a smiling, happy child?!? I will forever be grateful to this family for allowing me to escape my day into their joy and peace. Thank You. After they left I turned around and saw the TV again. The contrast between the two feelings was palpable. I wanted that family back, not the TV. Eric had a car in town and we'd thought about having him drive Paul home, but then when we realized how far away his car was and that it was 3 points of a triangle around the city of where we were, where the car was and where Paul needed to go...we looked for a better option. I plugged my phone in upstairs in my room and took off the mylar blanket and dropped my bag off then headed down to the desk to check on Paul's plans. He could take the T to where he could grab a bus and then he knew how to get home on the bus. So, Eric and I walked him across the river back to the T station. I didn't want to come home alone. Eric said he'd help with his mad ninja skills. I decided I was Paul's Amazon protector! The Ninja, The Amazon...and Paul.  It is always nice to combat fear and distress with humor. That is my personality :) Always good for a laugh! When I got back to the hotel I answered FB and texts that had again piled up, then decided to go decompress with Smooth in her room. We sat glued to the TV and talking until 1:30 in the morning, eating chips and salsa so graciously provided days earlier by Lowell. Eric would see pictures on the TV and remark "I remember helping her" "He was my patient" poor guy has a lot to carry. I finally wandered back to my room and since my phone had again died (I killed it twice in one day!) I did a final scan/reply of messages and posts. I had the TV on and it just really finally got to the point where I would see that lady in the bright green shirt at the top of the screen and then glance and see the clock at 4:09 and just shut my eyes and cover my ears. I didn't want to see or hear it again. That boom that I heard and felt was someone's last breath. It was someone's deliberate attack on all I held as wonderful, good and healing in the world. It stole my happy and my peace and I was having a hard time letting it go. I just didn't want to see it anymore. I should've turned the TV off, but that presented an even greater problem...quiet. It was 3:00 AM. I still had not showered, changed my clothes or washed my face. My bib was still on my skirt and my cherished jacket on my shoulders. My yellow and black ribbons tied in the bottom of my braids that came with me for 26.2 miles through one of the most wonderful races I'd ever experienced. As I shut the TV off and contemplated going to shower I froze. The girls I was rooming with had to be up in 3 short hours to catch a bus. I didn't want to wake them, but more than that I didn't want to shower. I can't tell you why. I don't know why. But I didn't. I didn't want to stand vulnerable and alone in the shower. I didn't want to wash away my Boston. It was still with me. My sweat and stink still there, all that had made me happy! I wasn't ready to let it go. I wasn't ready to be that alone. I wasn't ready for it. I can't really fully explain my feelings, but I really just didn't want to shower. Gross and perplexing I know, but it was SO much more than that to me at that moment. I realized that I was leaving the next day. They were washing sheets regardless. So, I took my stink. Bib still on my skirt, jacket still on my shoulders, braids still in my hair and snuggled into bed and finally, exhausted, fell asleep.
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