Well, it was a normal Tuesday run. I'm getting really emotional and crazy about these runs. I HATE being slow. It is getting me so worked up and ornery with myself, then I get depressed and sad and well...a nice little circle.
I am too slow. That is all. I truly don't think I should be running with the newtons anymore, but I like them and they are my comfort zone, so I keep going back. This morning was a hard one for me and there is a reason it has taken me almost 3 weeks to blog it. I know I'm slow and the group is GREAT to tolerate me, but I'm just too slow now. No one wants to pull the short straw and run with me. So, they all run together and I get to run with them for about 90 seconds and then everyone takes off. They are nice and wait for me, but then I again get to run with someone for 90 seconds and then I'm behind again. It gets SO frustrating. I actually broke down crying on this run, because I was just too upset. I'd heard "it is so great to have everyone back on the run again!" but I think I got to run "with" the group for about 5 minutes total. The rest of the time I just watched them fade into the distance laughing and having a good time and I ran alone. If I'm going to run alone anyway, I might as well sleep in and run later. But, I just love the group. My spirit is willing to run fast, but the body is weak! Then I just get so embarrassed that I'm so slow that I just leave and don't say anything. It is such a bad cycle. I just wish I could run a decent pace again. If only for the few miles I get to be with them.
Sigh. Anyway, feelings out now. I'm going to put my big girl panties on and stop crying and just adapt or quit. And, we all know I don't quit...so it is what it is. Necessity is the mother of invention...
Another 10.15 slow miles chasing the Newtons
Boxing and legs day at the gym afterward
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