Rob Murphy

I think there’s something to blue collar values. I’m curious about why you think this approach is not as good as what others are doing.

I think the over-involvement of parents is problematic, though it should be noted I don’t have children. However, parents sometimes scheduled meetings for their children to speak for them. . . at a university level. The concern is great but the approach is misguided. I know at the secondary level you deal with this more frequently and directly.

If you’re having conversations about your parenting, you can’t be doing all that bad.

Mr. Murphy,

You don't know too much about me or my personal life, but before my mom remarried she was the living definition of a "Tiger Mom". She was totally into my life. I was home schooled and I had hardly any associations outside of that with my mother. After she remarried and I also started going to school in addition to home schooling my mom became more relaxed and I began to have more freedom over my life. I and, I think my mother as well, are much happier now.

Even though I think it is very important for parents to be involved in their children's lives and have interest in their success, too much involvement can also be hard on a child. It is also very important I think for parents to be brave enough to let their children have more freedom and also the opportunity to fail. Sometimes failure is the best way for a person to grow.

To have that kind of parent is much better than having a "Tiger Mom". I have experience both.

I bet your kids think you and your wife are the best parents in the world (even though they might not admit it).

Hang in there Mr. Murphy.

This is a tough one but the over-involvement and bubble wrapping approach is not really the best idea for long term successful adults. Kids need to face and address challenges. We can provide advice but they need to make decisions. The magnitude of the decisions and challenges can increase as they head into later years, but they need to understand how to overcome issues and understand consequences.

We make it a point to give our boys unstructured play time. That's what we are competing against, isn't it?

Every second of every day is filled up with school, church, baseball, soccer, music lessons, or something. And if you, as a parent, aren't signing up for all of the support stuff that goes along with that - whatever kind of fund raiser, team mom, group e-mail confirmations, etc., the implication is that you are allowing your child to underperform, or you do not possess the time management skills to make that work. My parents took no credit for anything where I have been successful. I’m not taking any credit for my kid’s success in anything either. If they are driven enough at something to do well, that’s all them.

I admit, I am proud when my kids do well in school, sports, or performing on stage. On the other hand, when I tell them to go out and play with the neighbor kids, and about a half hour later, I see the neighborhood group of kids coming down the street with a wheelbarrow full of water with a sheet of plywood on top, 40' of rope, and post hole diggers, I am probably happier. I have no idea what scheme they have cooked up, and I feel no need to control it.

Finally, I think that I have a different definition of success than the “tiger moms.” We played 5 on 5 soccer the other night with a group of kids. One of the kids said that this was maybe the 3rd time he played in his life. I imagine “Tiger Mom” would have wanted her soccer – pro – trained kid to have knocked the kid down, intentionally burned him, or make the kid feel bad about his inexperience. As we were wrapping up, the other kids were making passes to this kid to make sure he got the last goal, and if they were on the other team, not really playing defense. Everyone on the field could have really burned this kid, but they chose not to, and instead build him up. Isn’t that something more to be proud of? Obviously, I think so.