I hang my head in shame.
I haven't run in a week. I am not going to run the Houston Marathon as originally planned. I will run tomorrow. This is the longest I have ever gone without running except during portions of my pregnancy and a couple weeks after delivery.
My body is extremely unhappy and rebelling right now. I have had a migraine for nearly 7 days. Lots of other parts hurt and my body is doing its crazy water retention/loss thing again. There is only one explanation. The toll of my training and more likely, the stress from my situation at work has me flattened. I am light headed when I stand up or sit up too quickly. I continue to have poor thermoregulation; my sleep patterns are a mess, and I can't seem to get rested. This is not allowing me to recover from my workouts.
However, the running helps me handle the stress. I am sure some doc could prescribe some sort of drug that would make all this go away, but I don't live my life like that. I need to push through difficult times on my own and know that they will eventually end. I need to feel my emotions even if it comes from the depth of my muscles. That said, I am looking into pharmaceutical grade herbs for some relief of the symptoms of stress, that would still allow me to have my head. I am considering having my cortisol levels tested before I take anything.
I talked with my attorney today about things getting worse before they get better. Things are moving along with my situation, but they are still far from tolerable (attorney agrees). Right now, the "higher ups" have the guy leaving in FEBRUARY (I don't even know when in February). Exactly what am I supposed to do between now and then? Everytime the "squeeze" has been put on him, the situation has escalated. It is pretty bad right now. I don't even want to think about it getting worse. I haven't been in my office since the 21st of September when I received a threat. The thought of going in there nearly sends me into the stratisphere.
I will get back to running. I probably won't run as much as I have, and that makes me somewhat sad. But that being said, my putting the marathon on hold right now has another driving reason behind it. Often my training is done late at night or very early in the morning when Bubbles is asleep or with Bubbles in the stroller. Long runs that require me to be away from the house for more than 2 hours inevitably overlap into her waking hours. Then, I spend a bunch of time during my run wishing I were with her and missing her and my husband. I simply don't want to be away from her right now if I don't have to. And, I don't HAVE to. We waited more than 8 years for her, and we cherish her. Right now while she is young, I want to be around her. She's eventually going to get very independent and I'll be able to run long again and not miss her.
Thanks Lybi for wondering where I was. Here I am! |