AM-2 easy miles as a shakeout.
Race-Warmed up, felt kinda sick to my stomache. Not sure if it was something I ate or not. In a gist, the race was terrible. As we were on the starting line, it didn't feel like a race to me. I even had less butterflies than for a workout. I just felt strange. Anyway, we started, and I got out faster than I had planned(I'm sure everyone did), and tried to get into a groove. Well, I thought it went out fast, so I should try and slow it down to 68-70s and just try to run a more even-paced race so that I could have the energy necessary to kick. I stayed behind Rory for a bit as he started moving up, and thought that this was perfect. A fast start meant a lot of people would burn themselves out, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Anyway, after 2km or so, I got passed by the guy in last place and was suddenly in last. I tried to relax and try to stay with him, but then I just couldn't. I felt really low on energy. At 3200m, I saw I was still under 9:20 (I didn't think this at the time, but it was likely a slow mile as at 1600m I was around 4:27), and I told myself to just try to run 70s and then people will come back to me. Well, the next 200m wasn't a 35, and I realized that I was going really slow. I tried to put more effort in, but my body wasn't responding. It felt like a nightmare, where you try to run fast, but you move insanely slow. I felt so out of energy. After 13 laps, the front pack lapped me. I had a water cup in my hand and I held it out for McMillan to take, but he didn't because he was afraid of that leading to a DQ (which I''m still not sure if it would have). Anyway, a couple laps later I saw Rory and Clayton getting lapped on the big screen (which was super disheartening) and they were 200m ahead of me. I made it a goal to catch up to them because I thought maybe there was someone from another team that was around them that I could beat. About at this point, coach told me I was done, and I think this was him telling me to drop out. I told him before the race I was feeling sick, and he encouraged me to not think about it and to do my best. These laps from 8 to the end were some of the hardest of my life. I knew my family had flown to watch me, and my coaches and school had invested a lot in having me run at nationals, and I was going so slow. It was just a terrible experience to have them watch me as I just tried to finish. After I just felt so disappointed in myself. I felt terrible about everything. It was so hard to see a bright-side of life, as I'd put so much effort and sacrifice into this race. I kept thinking about the homework I'd skipped because I wanted to get to bed early, and how it was all to race well.
\ It was a real bitter end to the season. I had a lot of hope going into this to finish in the top 8, but it's sad to say that I wasn't even within 2 minutes of that. There is a lot to be learned though, and gratitude and humility are part of those. Now in reflection of the race a couple weeks later, I'm trying to focus on cross country, and keep my head up. I know that the infection I had likely played a major role in the lack of energy in the race (I've felt that I have no energy to run for almost the last two weeks). I'm hoping things go better in the future.
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