catherine's running efforts

Outside. I'm entering this a few days later, so I can't remember where I went. 

I really really didn't want to run today. But I told myself that I just had to run for 2 hours and that would count (and for some reason that seemed better than telling myself I was going to go run for 15 miles) and so was able to get myself out the door. I self-defeating-behavior-ed myself out about a half hour too late, but given how I was feeling it was awesome that I made it out at all. I had been building up running in my mind since Friday or Saturday to the point that I was thinking about never doing it again, and I knew that the only way to make that stop would be to just go. 

My first few miles were a lot slower than normal, but I was on an out-and-back road that would be uphill for the first half and I was just trying to be out. After a couple of miles something clicked and I was really glad to be running. It was the perfect temperature, I was away from our ghetto neighborhood, there were other runners out, the air smelled like springtime, and the sun rising over the mountains and trees was very peaceful. I decided that I'd probably have enough time to turn around after 5 miles. And at almost exactly 5 miles I saw a park with a potty that was unlocked and pretty clean! And there was a running fountain like the one at Liberty Park! It was a running miracle. I had the gel I had brought (experimenting with different types) and it was delicious - a tangerine cliff shot with almost the exact taste and texture of the orange Triaminic that I used to love. As I ran home I was filled with joy at the wonderful route the running gods had blessed me with (I thought about writing a thank-you note to Alpine for having the bathrooms open early in the morning on a weekday, but what if it's a mistake and they fix it after they get my note?) and I really did feel like my performance was boosted by at least 8%. And just like that I loved running again. 

Splits: 10:28, 10:09, 10:06, 9:43, 9:59, 9:39, 9:17, 8:45, 8:32, 7:37 (9:26 average) 

I had a crisis of confidence* last week. I had been planning to run 15 miles on Saturday, but with Eric's "race" and taking Elliott to Bountiful my plan slowly unraveled. I ran out of time to run outside before it was too warm, and I had technical difficulties getting ready to run once I was at the gym. I had just finished a mile on the treadmill when Eric called me saying he had bailed, so I very willingly bailed on my own plans and went to pick him up. I thought I'd do the run in the later afternoon, but we dawdled getting home and I ran out of time for that. Then I thought I'd do the run Sunday morning before church, and Eric even volunteered to drive me 15 miles away and up the canyon so I could practice running downhill. But once we entered AF canyon (is that what it's really called?) I saw that the wide and safe shoulder Eric had described didn't exist and I got scared and decided to not do the run at all. Then I thought I'd do it on Monday, but since Elliott had an eating appointment at 9:00 I realized I'd have to pump before running instead of after, and I didn't want to have to wake up an extra hour earlier when I could instead just do the run on Tuesday. But although Tuesday's run was one of the best I've ever had (see Tuesday's entry), it wasn't 15 miles.

I'm not afraid of 15 miles. I've done it bunches of times. I'm just afraid of getting closer to the end goal (eventually a marathon). I do this with the other monkey on my back (school), too; even though the smaller tasks that lead to the end result are totally manageable and un-scary and are things that I've done bunches of times before, fear of the end goal makes me very much avoid the baby steps that lead there. Lame, yo. 

Anyway, I submitted the final grades for my class about an hour ago, so now I'm catching up on entering my miles for the last few days. Today's run was ouside in the happy, sunshine-y, perfect-weather-y morning before Eric had to leave. I really really really like this time of year. 

Splits: 9:55, 10:05, 9:37, 9:29, 9:03, 8:26, 8:05, 7:31 (9:01 average) 

*I couldn't find a clip that included the part that leads into this where the crisis of confidence is explained, so this might not seem funny if you haven't seen the show.  

I heard from my peeps that today was going to be colder, so I went to the gym for 3 miles before Eric had to leave. I didn't want to wear headphones so I hung out in the cardio cinema to watch some dance movie where the main character's mom was pushing her to be the dancer the mom never got to be. Except that really the movie was about rugby. 

Last night I found out one of my neighbors was planning on running 9 miles out of the canyon after the half today, and I thought about doing that with her. But then I found out that RAD et al. were doing 5 before and 4 after, and I thought, "Self, you know you're not going to go run 9 miles after you finish." So I decided to go with them. Because I wanted the miles and because I knew that I wasn't going to PR anyway.

I met RAD, Toby, Smooth, and two other people who were very nice but whose names I can't remember right now at around the starting point, and we went out and about for awhile before the race started. I was worried about finding a potty and meeting up with Eric (see how I put "finding a potty" first so that it wouldn't sound like I was meeting up with Eric in the potty?) so I just got 4.42 miles then (9:24, 9:14, 8:51, 9:05, ~10:00 for .42).

Zero and Drop were at the start! I hung around them for the first mile (until they dropped back to spread the love) because they're kind of a big deal and because Zero was doing his accent for a bit. I was hoping that we could pretend that the whole race was some sort of wildlife hunt, but I know that's a lot to ask. They did tell Eric that they loved him. He appreciated that.

I felt really good for the first few miles. I had had one of my yummy Triaminic-flavored gels at the start and one again after 5 miles, and after each I'd take water at the next aid station. After the first downhill I dropped into a potty to make sure the tank was empty, but really I could have gone the whole run without (yay yay yay probiotics for fixing the 2010 battle with the trots). When we were halfway done I started regretting the earlier miles just a bit, but when there were 5 miles left I had my third gel and felt good to go again (the gels have 50mg of caffeine each - how much is too much? Should I alternate caffeine/no caffeine?). The area was pretty, but the course was a little distracting with the ups and downs and twists and turns and I didn't ever really feel like I could just think about what was around me. I had read that the pacers ("pacers") would be banking time early on toward the golf course and so I was a little nervous about what the golf course stretch would be like. At the time it wasn't my favorite, but in retrospect I guess it wasn't that bad and maybe I'd do it again sometime. I was also a little bummed a few times through the race because I knew I wasn't being fast, but I kept thinking about a quote I had read on someone's FRB yesterday (I can't remember whose it was) about how comparison is the enemy or keeps us from our goals or something and I tried to just run Catherine's pace. At the end I wasn't unhappy with my time given the day and my training ("training"), and I felt ready to do at least a few more miles as long as there weren't any hills (7:57, 8:33, 8:01, 9:03 (potty stop), 8:39, 8:51, 8:51, 8:33, 8:35, 8:23, 8:53, 8:39, 8:35). 

I lollygagged around at the end with Eric, Elliott, my parents, and others before a couple more miles with the peeps from earlier (11:05, 10:27, something for .46 but I forgot to stop my watch) until I wanted to go back to see our FRBers win their prizes (I knew Melody and Lily were first and second in the 5k) and meet up with Eric again. It was fun seeing Melody - I don't think I've seen her for about a year and a half? and I was *so* impressed with how full-on legit athlete she looked. We read on her blog about how hard she's worked, but seeing her really kind of drove it home. And of course she and all the FRBers I saw today were so sweet. I love our FRB community and am grateful it has space for fast and slow alike. :)

Later in the evening Eric and Elliott and I went out for another couple of miles to round things up (9:30, 9:17, 9:38 for .2). I'm glad that I get to be married to my favorite person to run with.