I had a crisis of confidence* last week. I had been planning to run 15 miles on Saturday, but with Eric's "race" and taking Elliott to Bountiful my plan slowly unraveled. I ran out of time to run outside before it was too warm, and I had technical difficulties getting ready to run once I was at the gym. I had just finished a mile on the treadmill when Eric called me saying he had bailed, so I very willingly bailed on my own plans and went to pick him up. I thought I'd do the run in the later afternoon, but we dawdled getting home and I ran out of time for that. Then I thought I'd do the run Sunday morning before church, and Eric even volunteered to drive me 15 miles away and up the canyon so I could practice running downhill. But once we entered AF canyon (is that what it's really called?) I saw that the wide and safe shoulder Eric had described didn't exist and I got scared and decided to not do the run at all. Then I thought I'd do it on Monday, but since Elliott had an eating appointment at 9:00 I realized I'd have to pump before running instead of after, and I didn't want to have to wake up an extra hour earlier when I could instead just do the run on Tuesday. But although Tuesday's run was one of the best I've ever had (see Tuesday's entry), it wasn't 15 miles. I'm not afraid of 15 miles. I've done it bunches of times. I'm just afraid of getting closer to the end goal (eventually a marathon). I do this with the other monkey on my back (school), too; even though the smaller tasks that lead to the end result are totally manageable and un-scary and are things that I've done bunches of times before, fear of the end goal makes me very much avoid the baby steps that lead there. Lame, yo. Anyway, I submitted the final grades for my class about an hour ago, so now I'm catching up on entering my miles for the last few days. Today's run was ouside in the happy, sunshine-y, perfect-weather-y morning before Eric had to leave. I really really really like this time of year. Splits: 9:55, 10:05, 9:37, 9:29, 9:03, 8:26, 8:05, 7:31 (9:01 average) *I couldn't find a clip that included the part that leads into this where the crisis of confidence is explained, so this might not seem funny if you haven't seen the show.
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