It's hard to do a writeup of a race that fell apart. I came in today optimistic and feeling really good despite the cold that's been developing in my lungs. I slept well, my legs were fresh, my sinuses were clear, and I was jacked to race. I got myself into good position early, just tailing the lead pack and ready to move up once things settled down, but after 2k I started going backwards. Guys started passing me and I felt like I was redlining. I felt helpless. My breathing deep in my chest felt constricted and I just fell to pieces from there. Each of my teammates went by until finally my last teammate made me latch on to him and he pulled me through to the finish. The good news is that the rest of my team ran well enough that we qualified for nationals anyway. I love my team, they did so much afterwards to help me feel okay about what happened today, but there's a deep sadness I feel about not running well. And a deep doubt that even once I'm healthy, I somehow won't be my old self. I hoped I could shake this off quicker, but it really, really bothers me to go into nationals like this. It'll take a little time to sort this one out.
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