Go, you chicken fat, go away!

2011 February Tempe Road Runners Free Monthly 5k

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Location:

Mesa,AZ,USA

Member Since:

May 12, 2008

Gender:

Male

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

I started running again in 2007 after 14 years of not running.

Mile - 4:59 (high school 1992), 5:57 (9/21/2010 ARR Open Mile)

2 mile - 11:10 (high school 1992)

5k - 21:54 (11/18/2010 Tempe Road Runners 5k)

10k - 48:29 (5/9/2009 Race for Hospice)

Unofficial 10k - 47:11 (1/27/2011 Red Mountain Park)

1/2 marathon - 1:49:00 (4/4/2009 Havasu Half)

Marathon - 4:33:09 (11/21/2009 Mesquite Marathon)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Run a half marathon in under two hours.

Run a marathon in close to 4 hours.

Long-Term Running Goals:

Stay healthy long enough to live through the millenium.

Personal:

I am married and have six kids. 

Blog title explanation

Bloggers I've met in real life: 1MileToGo, Aaron Kennard, Andrea North, Arizona Desert Monsoon, auntieem, Bec, Ben, Benjamin, Bonnie, Camille, Cari, Collin Anderson, David Holt, DooneEight Kid Mom, Erico, Flatlander, Gary, Jake Krong, JamesW, Jose, Josse, Julieesplin, JunKelli, Kerri, KP, Kyle Dion, Lightitup, Little Bad Legs, Lybi, Marthon Dreamer, M, Mary Ann Schauerhamer, Misty, Nan, Peds Endo Doc, Rachelle, RADRhett, Riley Cook, Rossy, runningafterbabies, Sasha, Scott Hughes, Scott (Kelli's husband), Scott Wesemann, Slow Joe, Spencer Simpson, Stephen, Steve Piccolo, Susie, The Rookie, Toby, Tracy, Twinkies, TylerS, Walter

Favorite Blogs:

Click to donate
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Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 0.00 Year: 0.00
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Lifetime Miles: 803.99
Asics Gel 3030 Lifetime Miles: 204.85
Saucony Hurricane 13 Lifetime Miles: 149.22
Asics Gel DS Trainer 17 Lifetime Miles: 87.49
Mizuno Wave Inspire 9 Lifetime Miles: 800.59
Brooks Ravenna 4 Lifetime Miles: 88.83
Mizuno X10 Trail Lifetime Miles: 180.06
Mizuno Wave Inspire 10 Lifetime Miles: 802.77
Asics Gel Kayano 21 Lifetime Miles: 56.47
Mizuno Wave Inspire 11 (blue) Lifetime Miles: 800.75
New Balance 1260v5 Lifetime Miles: 9.19
Reebok Floatride Lifetime Miles: 8.23
Race: 2011 February Tempe Road Runners Free Monthly 5k (3.1 Miles) 00:22:21, Place overall: 3
Total Distance
3.10

No accidental PR today.  I tried, (can you accidently try?) but the two donuts I had earlier in the day were my bane.  Oh, and last night's bout with half a pint of ice cream.  And the wrestle with the Valentine's clearance chocolate.  The numbers were stacked against me, and it wasn't a fair fight.

The "race" started as it always does with one of the store employee's starting a stop watch.  It's an out and back course along the Tempe Town Lake.  They finally got the distance right which was nice.  I was at the front of line, so I had the lead for all of a quarter of a second.  Another one of the store's employees was running, and he assumed his rightful spot in first place.  I tucked in behind him because he seemed to be running quite effortlessly.  Unfortunately, his sub 6 minute pace does require much effort for me.  I let him go, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in the wind.  Shortly thereafter a couple of guys passed me.  I wondered if they were posers or the real deal.  One stayed strong, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in an elevator.  The other petered out, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in a game of blue darts.  I maintained a steady pace and passed him after three quarters of a mile, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language of the silent but violent nature.

I turned around at the halfway point and saw that there was a guy not too far behind me who I would have to hold off, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language on a first date.  However I knew he was probably hurting as much as me if not more, like a Filiberto's carne asada Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language   I remember Karen told me to throw in a surge when in doubt, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language you can't control when you have the hiccups.  That seemed to do the trick because he became less of a threat, like a Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language on the toilet.  Now I wondered if I could PR with a strong last mile.  But I was worn out, like a lingering Please follow Fast Running Blog policy regarding vulgar language in a landfill.

It took me a while to catch my breath, but I was happy with the effort.  I didn't win the shoes in the raffle, but I wouldn't have accepted them anyway.  There was some heart-shaped chocolates that I took advantage of.  Then I came home to a delicious home cooked meal of ultimate nachos.  Tonight is going to be like a...hmmm...I just can't think of anything to say.

Splits - 7:08, 7:21, 7:10, 0:46

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 3.10
Weight: 0.00
Comments
From Mike on Thu, Feb 17, 2011 at 23:49:04 from 144.183.224.2

Fartastic!

From Karen on Thu, Feb 17, 2011 at 23:54:56 from 69.171.160.221

My advice about the surge, though great, had nothing to do with farting, Burt!!

From allie on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 00:02:34 from 174.23.192.205

i will not participate in any of this "fart" talk...like a woman who says she never farts.

good job, burt. it's was great seeing you today.

From nicole on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 00:15:48 from 67.170.24.135

I can't even imagine how long it took you to come up with all of these analogies....

From Burt on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 00:54:12 from 72.223.90.79

Mike - Thanks for being the first to comment. Just remember, he who smelt it, dealt it.

Joe - I hope your inbox does get stuffed because it's kind of stuffy in here, if you catch my DRIFT.

Dale - one time the IT lady came in right after some flatulence in my office. She crawled under my desk to hook something up, then came back out and asked me to do it.

Karen - nothing some Lysol Disinfectant can't take care of.

allie - it's always a pleasure to see you, like a fart. That's all. Like a fart.

Nicole - did you just say ANALogies?

From Karen on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 00:58:19 from 69.171.160.221

Febreeze should sponsor Burt! You can be a living, breathing, farting testimonial! "When Burt puts on the hurt, we squeeze Febreeze"

From Derunzo on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 08:36:51 from 65.220.66.195

Burt.... at least you didn't shart! We can save that one for another race report though.

From Chad on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 11:26:22 from 168.177.153.5

With all of that junk food you ate the days preceding the race, it's no wonder you had farts on your mind. Did your family move out for a couple of days?

From Tracy on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 12:18:53 from 209.175.177.37

This race report is a dutch oven.

From RivertonPaul on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 12:23:27 from 67.42.27.114

Way to let er rip.

From Burt on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 12:30:51 from 206.19.214.144

Tracy - My wife loves when I fluff the covers.

Paul - I guess you could say I gave it some gas.

From catherine on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 12:46:27 from 216.49.181.254

Nice. I'm still laughing. :)

From Merri on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 13:47:37 from 160.7.252.148

Burt you should for sure save some funk for Sunday.

From Karen on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 13:51:32 from 173.14.8.17

New relay team name: Trunk Funk

From runningafterbabies on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 14:06:33 from 24.10.211.135

I'd like that nacho recipe.

From RAD on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 15:06:55 from 67.172.229.125

What a gas! Nice job Burt, excellent running and writing, but that is all I can say. Just ask my kids - mom's don't fart!

From april27 on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 16:42:03 from 99.188.251.180

I love the silent buy violent saying...I really hate the smell of those though! but it seems like a good racing strategy.

From Claudio on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 17:47:40 from 108.3.246.29

This made me LOL so much that I almost farted

Good job on third place and good speed - rear propulsion I guess!

From Burt on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 18:09:01 from 206.19.214.144

Merri - I only get funky on Fast Sunday.

RAB - I'll talk to my wife. The key ingredient is the beans. So good!

RAD - they do when you tickle it out of them.

April - I'm surprised you hate the smell of them. That's odd.

Claudio - just let it go man. Just let it go.

Scott - I saw the picture of what happens on Walter's facebook. It ain't pretty.

From Bonnie on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 18:40:54 from 128.196.228.134

All I can say is that I now know why Phoenix is always 10 degrees warmer than the rest of Southern Arizona. I thought it was elevation and population, but I guess it is global warming due to your running ...

Great race Burt ... sorry about the shoes, but congrats on the candy!

From Dorsimus on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 18:42:50 from 75.162.148.5

Ha ha...LOL...Wow. Thats one for the books.

From Burt on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 18:43:25 from 206.19.214.144

Ah, how sweet Bonnie. You think I'm hot. And after that horrible thing I just said on your facebook. I better go erase that.

From seeaprilrun on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 18:44:27 from 72.205.231.214

Wow Burt, you are a social networking guru!

From Seth on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 19:17:12 from 199.188.28.8

Next time use the explosive fart. It helps with the surges.:) Nice work on the PR!

From april27 on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 19:53:40 from 99.188.251.180

Well Burt, what can I say I'm an odd ball!

From Karen on Fri, Feb 18, 2011 at 23:07:50 from 69.171.160.201

SO, the team (team fartlek) wants to know if you will be their mascot? When I said surge, I didn't mean purge...

From Rhett on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 11:57:29 from 74.32.208.190

3rd Place! Your a RockSTAR lately bring home all the hardware.

From auntieem on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 12:08:43 from 98.247.176.184

amazing race Burt! Your report made me giggle a LOT, especially about wrestling the box of chocolates the night before the race. Sometimes life is like a box of chocolates.

From Burt on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 13:11:05 from 72.223.90.79

Bishop - thanks. And I forgive you for your spelling error on both my and April's blog. Can I forgive a bishop?

Jenny Gump - you never know what you're going to get.

From Holt on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 15:13:42 from 71.213.81.88

Beautiful imagery!

From Burt on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 16:16:47 from 72.223.90.79

Thanks Holt. I think it's Pulitzer Prize material.

From Dan on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 16:29:20 from 24.209.83.20

I am sorry I missed this earlier this week... too funny. I read it out loud to my wife and we are still laughing. Nice race man!

From Teena Marie on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 18:20:28 from 67.2.102.27

Side note: Did you know that when you hold in your stinkies (I have a hard time saying FA#%) that you are strengthening your gluteus medius???

So the question is: How strong is your gluteus medius? One's gluteus medius strength says a lot about who they really are!!!!

From Burt on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 19:05:57 from 72.223.90.79

Dan - I'm glad I could help your marriage stay strong. That's what I'm here for.

Teena - you can say fluff. And I can crack a two by four with my gluteus medius. I'm the AZ State champion.

From Teena Marie on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 19:09:56 from 67.2.102.27

Burt~

Sadly my gluteus mediuses are kind of weak. I suppose that it because I rarely fluff!!! Hmmm ... but yours can break a 2X4. Very interesting!!! At least we know that you are attempting to hold them in, Champ!!!!! :)

From Burt on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 at 23:35:46 from 72.223.90.79

Teena - It's all about timing. I think Kenny Rogers put it best when he said, "You've got to know when to hold 'em."

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