THOU SHALT BE A COMEBACK

November 16, 2024

15% off for Fast Running Blog members at St. George Running Center!

Location:

Wichita,KS,

Member Since:

Sep 14, 2008

Gender:

Female

Goal Type:

Local Elite

Running Accomplishments:

marathon pr: 2:59:49. Saint George 2011

Praire Spirit 50 mile winner 7:36:30 2013

I accidentally ran 100 miles in November 2013. it was hard. I threw up a lot. decided to do a better job next time

I did it again on purpose October 2014--Heartland 100 winner and CR 17:38:37

Heartland 50 winner May 2014

Psycho Wyco 50k winner February 2012

Short-Term Running Goals:

Run enough to hold off the middle-age spread

Long-Term Running Goals:

~~Sub 3 hour marathon--SOMEDAY!~~ Done!

New long term goal: ....run enough to feel kinda like I did when I was fit

Personal:

I was a single mom. Two times over. We all survived, despite the fact that I make atrocious decisions. Then, I met a man I didn't deserve. And he loves me so much. And I love him. We lived in sin and bought a house for two years then hired a judge and officially got married(to our great delight and also the delight of our mothers), then a month later he was diagnosed with cancer. Well we survived all that and he's 100% fine now. But, we're really out of shape and really busy with kids and jobs and running just isn't my priority and there's so many other layers to all of it, but I'm running anyway. This is my failure blog now. Just to log that one run a week if I snag it.
Somehow that matters and I want that run recorded.

Favorite Blogs:

Click to donate

to Ukraine's Armed Forces

Miles:	This week:	0.00	Month:	0.00	Year:	0.00
Mizuno Waverider 12 Lifetime Miles:						333.61
Nike Air Pegasus Lifetime Miles:						507.20
Pink Pegs Lifetime Miles:						595.58
Pink Nike Avant Lifetime Miles:						624.04
Crappy Asics Lifetime Miles:						146.72
Adidas Adizero Mana Lifetime Miles:						113.32
Blue Avants Lifetime Miles:						653.33
Crocs Lifetime Miles:						18.08
Lunarfly Lifetime Miles:						468.47

Thu, Mar 20, 2014

Total Distance

0.00

Well, it's a month before Boston, and I am struggling. I worked all night, came home, and crawled into bed. I slept pretty good because Vanessa watched tv and netflix all day.

I feel horrible. We've had too many days like this. When I got up, there was time to run before work but I just couldn't get on the treadmill and essentially ignore my daughter some more. We read books and did other stuff instead.

I hate the treadmill. I just cannot make myself stare at that cabinet any more. I love running, the ground beneath my feet, the freedom, I do--but I do not love running on the treadmill while my child is babysat by electronics. It's just a chore.

I'm about to vent a little--I'm having a harder and harder time reconciling single parenthood, work, and running. Working at night is killing me. Running outside can only occur when Vanessa is at school, or if I run laps on a track and pray she occupies herself, or if I get a babysitter. That is it. I cannot just up and run outside. Usuallly when she is in school, I need to be sleeping. I've been foregoing sleep for the last two years but maybe I have aged because I cannot handle it any more. I drag at work, I struggle at 3am, and then when she is on spring break I sleep all day and she watches tv, and then, what, get up and run while she watches more tv??? I feel like a terrible horrible mother. I feel more and more like I am maybe putting my needs first instead of hers.

I'm no longer training. I'm running when I can for maintenance and I will be able to enjoy Boston, hang with my girl Julie, enjoy my vacation from reality. But beyond that I'm not sure where to go with it.

I've had my time in the sun. I have ran my sub-3, I have won my races, I have run my 100 miles. To everything there is a season. Now may be the time to run for fitness only, and no longer pressure myself to not sleep or stare at my cabinet on the treadmill.

I work at night. I raise my child, and she is young and needs me, she will only be so young once. I'm tired. This is just the feeling of the day, tomorrow I'm sure I will be on the treadmill, but I am really re-thinking priorities and trying to decide how I should structure our lifestyle, mine and Vanessa's, for the next few years while she is still so young and needs me. I will of course be doing some praying but today I was so sad that my child watched tv for 8 hours.

Weight: 0.00

Comments

From SlowJoe on Thu, Mar 20, 2014 at 16:30:10 from 66.69.93.8

I've been watching the girls all week with Danielle out of town and my training has been almost non-existent (and that's with an easily-accessible gym at work). I just can't get it all done.

Vanessa will still thrive, and you are setting an amazing example for her. I'm not saying to run more or run less, just that running for fitness and the occasional race is noble and more than most people (especially single moms) can do. After Boston, I'll be more of that kind of runner too, unless they invent a 30-hour day. Don't feel bad about this.

See you at the starting line next month!

From JulieC on Fri, Mar 21, 2014 at 23:24:06 from 63.224.113.28

Oh my friend i completely feel your sadness and frustration....those young years fly by and you wish you could bring them back..so in all honesty your feelings are normal...very normal and so i wonder....are there any children you can invite over for a play date? I always felt btr knowing my kids had a few special friends. I terribly miss my kids as little cause i was working and still am full time. And i see them now...and it scares me to not have them around...so dont worry about boston and your running...we will have a great weekend and we both need to share Easter with our kids on the weekend before. And the night shift thing and going on now for a few years....your body is craving normalcy...it is hard. I did it. It sucked. But i had to change or never sleep. Ha ha now i am menopausal and not sleeping . Now praying is the right thing to do. :-) I believe the feelings we are both feeling are because it our calling to our children . Running is not first place God. Family. Then all else with fall into place . I think God will bless you for all that you do to be the best you can be doing just the best you can give at the moment. Now if i may be so bold i would invite you to seek out your faith and consider reading a book that has changed my perspective greatly. I will bring one with me to Boston and give it to you. I am always thinking about how you are doing. Your prayers will be answered. So excited to see you!

From Bonnie on Sat, Mar 22, 2014 at 09:32:47 from 64.119.33.134

Oh april, hang in there. I like your plan, do what you can, find happiness where you can, and prioritize. I hope that with it being light out more you will find more ways to get some sunlight ... Do you take vit D? I worry about your schedule and the demands on your body outside of that schedule. Hugs

From Tracy on Sat, Mar 29, 2014 at 19:30:06 from 50.103.224.19

Coming in late to this entry. Can't echo the comments here enough. I worry about you a lot, the stress that you already have and the stress that you take on. I like it when I take the time to read your musings about life. You have a lot of demands on your time, and you know what your priorities are. Enjoy the remains of the lead up till Boston, and enjoy Vanessa too. You are a great mom!

Add Your Comment.

Keep it family-safe. No vulgar or profane language. To discourage anonymous comments of cowardly nature, your IP address will be logged and posted next to your comment.
Do not respond to another person's comment out of context. If he made the original comment on another page/blog entry, go to that entry and respond there.
If all you want to do is contact the blogger and your comment is not connected with this entry and has no relevance to others, send a private message instead.

Debt Reduction Calculator

Featured Announcements

Most Recent Entries:

New Kids on the Blog
(need a welcome):

Lone Faithfuls
(need a comment):

Recent Comments:

Rob Murphy by Vis