Race- Well my season is done. I waited a little bit to put this in so I could think about it. It was a pretty poor run, even though coach tried to convince me it was strong...I didn't feel strong. I didn't believe and I think I know why now. I try to convince myself before that I deserve it, but I really don't feel like I do. I give up a lot on workouts just at the end, so why not give up on a race? I try to pump myself up to do it, but I don't really believe I was going to qualify, because I didn't do enough before hand. Yeah I work hard, but not hard enough to be the best. That's what I want to be and that's all. I know it is not healthy but that's truely all I want. Not to be some middle pack nobody that will be forgotten before the race ends. I want to be the best that is or ever was and I know that's unrealistic, but that's why I gave up soccer. I need to invest more into running mentally, physically, and emotionally. With soccer I gave it EVERYTHING and if you don't believe me you don't know what I did to be the best soccer player. I woke up at 5 to practice and came home and practiced until 8-9. I practiced around 6-10 hours a day. The problem with running...I don't know what to do to get that kind of time investment. I haven't given enough to do well enough and I am going to do that this summer. I know I can be way better if I just can find what I did in training for soccer for running, because I saw MASSIVE improvements in soccer in a surprising amount of time, because of time investment. I don't think running is so much time investment, but effort investment. Because in the middle of races I thought well I could give effort, but I haven't trained my body to do that so I didn't. Training is so important and I am glad track taught me that. Positives to take out of this track season is even though it was full of disappointment and half-efforts, I really don't have to catch up in the summer like I did before. I can come and work even harder than ever and finally get my break through, not because of this one AHA moment, but because every single day is my best effort, is my best, proves why I should be the one winning races later! Because as Forever Strong says 'Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes permanent!' and I haven't made my running skill/effort permanent.
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