Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured

What a mess.   This was a very good race for me a year ago but today was a disaster.  I have been struggling mentally the past few weeks and my stress level between work, family and marathon training is high and taking it's toll.    I am tired, worn out and on the edge of a mental breakdown most every day.     Running should help with this, but it has become more of a chore than a release.     

I was hot this morning, low 80's to start and humid - it is Texas.   Interestingly, last year - the hottest summer in years - it was 67 degrees at the start, it makes a big difference.  I started having a few stomach issues last night but didn't worry to much even when they carried over this morning.  I  headed down to the race with Jenny, my husband and two girls.  I took two trips to the POP and then ran the 1K with my youngest as a warm up.  At this point I was feeling okay and was going to stretch and go.  I forgot the stretch part, but when the gun went off, I felt good.    It was down hill from there.  The first two miles where okay and pace was right where I wanted it but the effort was hard and it was hot.   By the time I hit 4 miles I was holding on for the U turn at 5.5.  Reached the U turn and GU'd and drank water and tried to cool down.  Just past the turn I started to get dizzy, so I slowed down a bit and tried to push through.  I made it about another mile and the last three were a train wreck.  I started taking walk breaks and then would try to push through and was just wanting to be done.   I was miserable and so were most the people around me.  I was leap frogging with a guy who was puking, so I was not alone, but it was no beuno.  

I finally finished and told my husband I was done running and he said he didn't believe me.   Unfortunately he was right, but I have got to figure a few things out and how to improve mentally....Up until the last year, I have never struggled with this and I have no idea how to get out of my funk.

We got home and I have spent the better part of the day in the bathroom or trying not to die.....or at least to stop feeling that way.

1 mile to meet Annette

6 together

1 mile home

It was in the low 80's again at 5 am ....  I really wanted to cry.  I like heat, but this is beyond reason and I am ready for it to cool off.   My legs were tired but we had a slow pace so I really felt pretty good.  

In reviewing times from yesterday, most everyone was slower than last year and all do to the conditions.  I am just disappointed in myself and my mental strength.   The goals for the next 8 weeks are:

1. Consistency - Get every run in

2.  Work outs based on effort, time is secondary

3.  Try to enjoy as much as I can

Hopefully, I can put together 6 very strong weeks and a 2 week taper and be ready for MCM. 

Easy miles at lunch on the treadmill.

I met Wendy and the Rodriguez sisters for a workout this morning.   Eva & Maria are speedy fast and I probably would have chickened out had I not already committed to Wendy.  I went in with the attitude, I will do my best and have fun.   We warmed up slow for the first two miles and they were lovely .....  We then did my favorite tempo workout and while I could not keep up with the rest, I was consistent with my treadmill paces.   I then added on 3 more on my own and this is where things got interesting.   We were on the trails and at about 1.5 miles in a cyclist yelled at me that there was a fox following me....A FOX!   I stopped immediately and moved out to the paved trail and walked for a bit and finished the rest in the more urban part of trails.   Crazy thing is we live in a major metropolitan area and I have seen more crazy animals here.    

Wendy and I met for 20 miles at 5:15.   I was so tired and worn out but I went.   We ended up with a really good run despite  the wind and rain.    We ran the first 10 together on the trails and ended back at the store and bandited their 15K....or sort of.  We were going to run this portion with Ashley but she was running faster than we wanted so we ended up turning and running through one of the neighborhoods at back to the store.  From there we added on 2.4 and finished.    I ended up missing 1.2 miles of the run because I can't work my garmin, nothing new.    I felt good the entire time and was running strong even at the end.   

Avg Pace 8:40

splits: 9:14, 9:00, 8:47, 8:42, 8:37, 9:01, 8:31, 8:38, 8:30, 8:30, 8:39, 8:30, 8:22, 9:07, 8:34, 8:46, 8:31, 8:26, 8:01