Easy effort around Sugarhouse and back with Maya in tow. Lungs still aren't clear, but the hack is slowly going away. I'm giving serious consideration to putting my semi-competitive running pursuits on the shelf for a few years. My kids are requiring more and more of my time and attention, and I feel like my focus on running sometimes dilutes my effectiveness as a husband and father. I know that these issues are specific to me and that many people can compete without compromising their commitment to family, but I just don't seem to multitask well enough. Here is a nonexhaustive list of ways that my efforts to compete impair my ability to be the kind of husband and father I want to be: - Going to bed early so that I can get up in time to do a long run or a hard workout the next day. Even though I do this so that I can avoid missing time with my kids in the morning, I'm finding that as my older kids approach the teenage years, they are out later and I need to be around to talk to them before bed.
- Getting in to work later due to my morning running routine. When I run 12-16 miles on a weekday, it's hard to be at the office before 8:00 even when I run at 5:00. I think my kids would benefit more from having me home earlier in the evening, which I could do if I were getting to the office by 7:00 every morning. If I were home by 5:00 on average, I could spend an hour shooting hoops or kicking a soccer ball with the kids before dinner and homework.
- Being wasted on Saturdays following a long run plus tempo work, which leaves me not wanting to do projects around the house and not feeling too enthusiastic about things like taking the family skiing or hiking or otherwise doing something active. Besides, with two kids playing comp soccer as well as other sports and participating in music, our Saturdays are plenty busy even without my long runs.
- Spending money on entry fees, travel expenses, and equipment when the cost of my kids' activities is going up drastically and they are expected to participate in more summer camps and other supplemental activities in support of sports and music. The cost of running isn't that high, but when the other costs are astronomical, it wouldn't hurt to have a little room in the budget to work with.
- Being focused on hitting my goal to the neglect of my kids' own pursuits. For example, I freak out when I miss a long run or a hard workout and sometimes miss a soccer game that comes too early on a Saturday morning. I'm always the party pooper on family vacations because everyone wants to hang out until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and I have to be in bed by midnight in order to get up and do my run the next morning. But it's not just a time thing--my mindset when I'm in achievement mode is just as big a problem as the time my pursuits require. I just can't shake the feeling that it's not about me anymore, and that anything that detracts from my desire or ability to be fully engaged as a husband and father should be thrown by the wayside. If I had a job that allowed me to be around more or if my kids were younger or if they weren't so interested in pursuing their own goals, it might be different. Every family has different dynamics and requires different levels of parental engagement. All four of my kids require a lot of attention in totally different ways, and I just couldn't live with myself if I were to look back in 20 years and wish I hadn't been so focused on myself that I didn't give every piece of myself to my wife and kids.
I'm not going to make a decision today, but I am going to keep thinking about this and may end up drastically changing my plans for 2010. If I were to scrap the semi-competitive running, I would continue running 4-6 times a week, but I would do it for purposes of health and fitness and general sanity, not in training for a specific event. Instead of looking at 60-80 miles per week through the summer, I would keep it to somewhere between 25-50, depending on the specific commitments and conflicts in a given week. I might even cross train now and then, just to mix it up. If anyone is reading this, please don't interpret it as judgmental of other parents who are working to reach a running goal. I acknowledge that I am a bit of a head case and that my inability to limit my intensity about running is not a defect shared by everyone out there. I know runners who are able to put in huge mileage without sacrificing their families' interests. Some runners have jobs that allow them to be home during business hours or provide flexibility that accommodates a running lifestyle better than mine does. I'm talking only about myself here given the particularities of my situation at the present time and am not trying to discourage anyone out there from pursuing their goals. I am especially sensitive to the needs of stay-at-home parents to have an outlet and, if I decide to back down, will encourage my wife to spend the time she wants and needs to pursue her own running with me at home as her support crew instead of the other way around.
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