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December 24, 2024

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Location:

Mesa,AZ,USA

Member Since:

May 12, 2008

Gender:

Male

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

I started running again in 2007 after 14 years of not running.

Mile - 4:59 (high school 1992), 5:57 (9/21/2010 ARR Open Mile)

2 mile - 11:10 (high school 1992)

5k - 21:54 (11/18/2010 Tempe Road Runners 5k)

10k - 48:29 (5/9/2009 Race for Hospice)

Unofficial 10k - 47:11 (1/27/2011 Red Mountain Park)

1/2 marathon - 1:49:00 (4/4/2009 Havasu Half)

Marathon - 4:33:09 (11/21/2009 Mesquite Marathon)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Run a half marathon in under two hours.

Run a marathon in close to 4 hours.

Long-Term Running Goals:

Stay healthy long enough to live through the millenium.

Personal:

I am married and have six kids. 

Blog title explanation

Bloggers I've met in real life: 1MileToGo, Aaron Kennard, Andrea North, Arizona Desert Monsoon, auntieem, Bec, Ben, Benjamin, Bonnie, Camille, Cari, Collin Anderson, David Holt, DooneEight Kid Mom, Erico, Flatlander, Gary, Jake Krong, JamesW, Jose, Josse, Julieesplin, JunKelli, Kerri, KP, Kyle Dion, Lightitup, Little Bad Legs, Lybi, Marthon Dreamer, M, Mary Ann Schauerhamer, Misty, Nan, Peds Endo Doc, Rachelle, RADRhett, Riley Cook, Rossy, runningafterbabies, Sasha, Scott Hughes, Scott (Kelli's husband), Scott Wesemann, Slow Joe, Spencer Simpson, Stephen, Steve Piccolo, Susie, The Rookie, Toby, Tracy, Twinkies, TylerS, Walter

Favorite Blogs:

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Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 0.00 Year: 0.00
Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Lifetime Miles: 803.99
Asics Gel 3030 Lifetime Miles: 204.85
Saucony Hurricane 13 Lifetime Miles: 149.22
Asics Gel DS Trainer 17 Lifetime Miles: 87.49
Mizuno Wave Inspire 9 Lifetime Miles: 800.59
Brooks Ravenna 4 Lifetime Miles: 88.83
Mizuno X10 Trail Lifetime Miles: 180.06
Mizuno Wave Inspire 10 Lifetime Miles: 802.77
Asics Gel Kayano 21 Lifetime Miles: 56.47
Mizuno Wave Inspire 11 (blue) Lifetime Miles: 800.75
New Balance 1260v5 Lifetime Miles: 9.19
Reebok Floatride Lifetime Miles: 8.23
Total Distance
5.43

"Give me your tired, your poor

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"

This morning Lady Liberty was a Mexican with tattoos up and down his arms.  Of course I high fived him.  I may live in Arizona, but I have no problems with the huddled masses coming over as long as they do it legally.  That reminds of one of the first short stories I wrote that wasn't for school.  I put it below if you have time to read it and you're not easily offended.   

Time - 46:54 (avg. pace 8:38)

Splits - 8:31, 8:30, 8:35, 8:41, 8:45, 3:52

****************************************************************************

Do not read this story if all you care about is running.

It was a cold winter night.  No, wait, wrong story.  I was preparing orders in the drive thru at McDonald's one day.  I was feeling pretty good because subconsciously I knew that my days in the fast food industry were coming to an end.  I had two jobs at the time; the other being an intern at a civil engineering firm.  I guess you could say that I really didn't care what the customers thought anymore, although I still took pride in my work and kept a cheery disposition.

A man with a foreign accent (I'm not sure where he was from) and his wife came through the drive thru this day riding along in his brand new black Volkswagen Beetle.  Undoubtedly, he was feeling pretty proud of his new set of wheels.  He ordered a Happy Meal (probably for his grandson).  When he got to the first window to pay for his order he added on two apple pies.  I missed that.  I got his Happy Meal ready, handed it to him, and told him to have a nice day.  Then I proceeded to bag up the next order.

Well, I heard this honk coming from outside the window, and instinctively I looked up his order on the screen.  I realized that he ordered two apple pies at the first window, so I bagged a couple up and brought them to him.
I told him sorry about that and hoped that would be the end.  But he just had to push it.  He looked at me over his nose and said, "No apple pies, no napkins, no straws, no ketchup."  (As if he were better than me, and by the way, there was a  straw and napkins.)  I handed him a straw, napkins, and ketchup, apologized again, and told him to have a nice day.  He still wasn't satisfied.  He looked at me over his nose again and said, "Huh, you guys are really messing up today."

That's when I snapped.  I said right back at him, "Messing up?  It looks like you messed up when you bought that car."

So, here's the middle aged man, driving what he thinks is a cool car, trying to show how much better he is than any fast food employee, and the cold truth splashes him right in the face.  For some reason he took offense to that comment instead of taking it with a grain of salt and doing something to remedy it.  Next he told me he wanted to speak to the manager.  I did a quarter turn, turned back, and said, "I'm the manager.  Can I help you?"  He said, "Well, I'm taking you're name down."  I said, "I don't know what good it's going to do you.  You can't get me fired."  Then he said, "Well, I'm going to report you."  I said, "I'm going to report you, too.  To the immigration services."  Wow!  The flabbergasted look on his wife's face was precious.  She said, "You can't say that."  The man finished writing my name down, and left.

Just so there's a sense of closure to this story, about a month later when I only had a few days left, a supervisor approached me and said, "You know, I got this funny phone call.  I don't know the details that lead up to it, but apparently you told somebody they had an ugly car.  Let's try not to do that anymore."  That was the last I heard of the man with the ugly car.  Yes, this is truly a memory that I will treasure for years and years to come.

Mizuno Wave Inspire 7 Miles: 5.43
Weight: 0.00
Comments
From RivertonPaul on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 11:27:12 from 67.42.27.114

.

From Burt on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 12:15:46 from 206.19.214.144

Good one Paul. Hey, a real post is up now. I had to wait 'til I got to work where I had the story saved on my computer. But I didn't want to haul my Garmin to work so I posted my splits and hoped I could get the story up before anyone commented. Alas, you threaded the needle.

From SlowJoe on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 12:27:50 from 131.59.200.82

Great story. So - you were a manager at McDonalds... Was your shake machine always broken? Why oh why are they always broken at every store location?

From Burt on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 12:39:52 from 206.19.214.144

Joe - I'll tell you a little secret. 50% of the time, it's not broken. It's just that we're required to take it apart every night and wash it. It takes almost an hour to do, so a lot of times they take it apart before closing to get a head start. Then they lie to you and tell you it's broken. It's all good tho cuz on the application you have to fill out if you're a good liar.

From I Just Run on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 12:40:25 from 67.79.11.242

All I could think of while reading your story was..."it's just not right for a man to drive a VW Beetle, that's a girl's car"! BTW...my daughter had one and I could barley make myself drive it...

From Burt on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 12:42:05 from 206.19.214.144

Preston - Callie had one? Maybe she'll enjoy this story. But she never comes to my blog. She thinks I'm crazy.

From Lily on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 13:11:51 from 67.199.178.210

Nice one.

From SlowJoe on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 13:53:26 from 131.59.200.80

Thanks for the insider's info, it still doesn't blunt the pain of being rejected at the counter so often when I've gotten my hopes up of enjoying a delicious chocolate shake. But it does give me a sense of closure.

From ChrisM on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 14:38:34 from 86.27.4.139

did this ever happen? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27NX_MMIkLY

From Carolyn in Colorado on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 15:27:09 from 71.229.134.155

I was in Qdoba the other night and some woman ahead of me shouted "I said no!" and stormed out. Not sure what was up.

From RAD on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 15:28:50 from 67.172.229.125

Oh Burt, that is priceless! I love it, I'll probably share it with my hubby tonight after he tells me 'the joke of the day' - I think I'll win!

From april27 on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 16:00:53 from 165.138.243.1

I'm glad I don't just care about running b/c that story brought back some awesome memories of my 1.5 years at McDonalds.

ugly car...I really can't stop laughing...and lets try not to do that any more. hahahaha

From The Quiet Pirate on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 16:44:01 from 152.26.59.252

I always thought the "broken" ice cream machine was a conspiracy against me because I drove an ugly car. Now I know it's true.

That's the new politically correct way of saying, "You have an ugly car & I won't let you get me in trouble with the manager!"

And I live in the south... evidently the only thing worth blocking on the work internet is men with kind-a hairy chests that have smiley faces over their nips.

Nice run & high 5. Our "lady liberty" just flew in from Kingston, Jamacia.

From DaleG on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 20:33:03 from 152.216.7.5

Awesome story! I have many stories from when I worked at Arby's in South Salt Lake for five years. Ahhh, good (scary) times.

From allie on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 20:42:22 from 174.23.253.123

that is one beautiful story, burt.

that is one beautiful blog title, burt.

From Burt on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 21:34:55 from 72.223.90.79

Chris - I can't stand petty thieves. Grand larceny I'm okay with. Man, I'd like to punch that guy.

CinC - They were probably just trying to get a free meal. I have no respect for their kind.

RAD - It's funnier than a joke because it really happened :) I think the Holy Ghost told me to tell him that.

April - Would you like to super size that?

QP - What kind of car do you have?

Dale - Arby's. Remember the movie Twins where Arnold Schwazenegger got all the good genes and Danny Devito got the junk? Same with Arby's employees.

allie - you like my blog title? I thought of it all by myself. :)

From Merri on Mon, Mar 07, 2011 at 22:48:58 from 160.7.252.148

me like the story and the new blog title.

From april27 on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 00:31:28 from 99.188.251.180

My absolute fav is a xtra large diet coke with a supersized big mac! yuck!

From Karen on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 00:49:22 from 69.171.160.170

Interesting...i have a sotry too...

(again, don't read if you are easily offended and only care about running)

SO, one bright, sunny day, my boyfriend Dolph and drove over to the neighborhood McDonald’s in my brand new, shiny black VW Beetle. Happy Meals and apple pies make me hot, and I was in an amorous mood after Dolph so sweetly bought me this sweet gem of a ride after only our second date.

Hastily, we ordered our food, but had difficulties understanding the order taker, as the loud speaker had an unruly buzzing so we could not understand him. We swore that he said something like he had “two mobs and was infirmed”, but we did not know how that related to our order.

Upon driving to the first window to pay, we found that the rude and hurried worker erroneously left off our apple pies. The very kind and energetic teenager, with a cheery disposition, promptly corrected the mistake and added the two apple pies.

Engrossed in one another’s charms, we proceeded to the next window and were startled when the original order taker began to speak. We quickly realized that it was not the loud speaker that inhibited our understanding, but rather the impressive stache that was riding the speakers lip like a contortioned hamster. Amazingly, this stache distorted the worker’s voice and proclaimed, “I have your order” in the same breathy tones that Lord Vader once proclaimed “I am your father”.

I giggled nervously at how peculiar this young man was, when I caught him eying me through the grease smeared drive thru window. Rather oddly, he turned away and I could swear I saw him put our apple pies into his pocket. Before I could say anything, my hunk- a-hunk-of-burning-love drove from the window as he passed me my bag.

Sure enough, I looked in the bag and not only were my 2 apple pies missing, but the awkward worker also left out the ketchup, straw and napkin. We honked, hoping to get someone else’s attention, but sure enough, the brunette boy-man with the vader stache came loping out of the McD’s holding our now misshapen apple pies. With a nervous tic, he held the pies out to me, but my burly beau interjected, requesting the ketchup, straw and napkins that customarily come with an order, saying politely, “You guys really messed up today”.

Rather impulsively, the jaded janitor-to-be sheepishly looked behind him, stammering “How did you now I messed myself?”. He then proceeded to take my picture, threatened to paste my head onto a magazine cut out and warned me that he would be stalking me on something called face book years from now.

We then asked to speak to his manager at which point he turned, curtsied and exclaimed, “I am the manager! The manager of Ragnar and all that is good.” When we threatened to report him, he responded, “you can not get me fired” and quickly lifted his shirt, flashing us his chest that was hairy except for the McD symbol that was crudely shaven into it.

When we threatened to report him, he continued in his absurd way by informing us that he would be reporting US to INS (though it sounded like he said he had “BNS“, whatever that is…) We quickly drove off completely shocked as to what happened, but only after disposing of the food as we had certainly lost our appetite.

Later that week, Dolph called the offending organization only to find out that (we will call him Ernie for the sake of anonymity), did not in fact work at the McD’s, but would play dress up and try to help out during his passes from the nearby “facility” that housed him.

From april27 on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 00:54:04 from 99.188.251.180

Karen--huge favor-will you come teach my students how to make their writings more interesting my adding descriptive words? Very entertaining but true story

From Scott Wesemann on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 01:22:06 from 75.162.68.31

Karen- ahahahahaha! Classic!

The best part that is still making me laugh:

"the impressive stache that was riding the speakers lip like a contortioned hamster"

From Karen on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 02:01:25 from 69.171.160.170

April--thanks...Burt, ahem I mean Ernie, is very descriptive!

Scott-check out some of Burt's old pix--there was a stache!

From Bonnie on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 09:05:57 from 64.119.33.134

Very clever Karen. I love slug bugs Burt.

From Burt on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 09:52:38 from 72.223.90.79

Karen - you are awesome. Our stories are very similar. Do you think maybe, nah! Remind me never to buy you apple pie.

Bonnie - you do? Are you mad at me? I said don't read this if you're easily offended.

From The Quiet Pirate on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 10:51:26 from 152.26.59.252

Karen- Best laugh I've had all day. This blog is awesome!!

Burt- Scion Xb. Old, original boxy box verision. Ugly as sin.

From SlowJoe on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 11:00:04 from 131.59.200.80

Karen, that was awesome! The crudely shaven McD symbol was my favorite part. I wonder if 1990s Burt had enough chest hair...not that you were talking about him, of course...

From Bonnie on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 11:12:21 from 64.119.33.134

ha ha ha ... my leftist hippy side likes bugs, my practical, get-out-of-my-way-I-have-to-get-to-work side does not.

Not to worry Burt, I am not easily offended.

From Burt on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 11:39:56 from 206.19.214.144

QP - Scion Xb's look fun. But they are ugly. So if they're fun and ugly, I guess you could say they're...nevermind.

Joe - 1990's Burt did have enough chest hair. It all started here: http://argyrocket.fastrunningblog.com/blog-03-06-2009.html. (Read the comments.) It then evolved to here: http://burt-mccumber.fastrunningblog.com/blog--I-finally-got-David-Hasselhoff-to-sh/03-12-2009.html

Bonnie - So it didn't offend you that the smiley face I used to cover Dean's face was the same ones I used to cover my nipples in my Ragnar report?

From Lily on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 11:43:29 from 67.199.178.210

Burt is the only person on this blog that can get away with posting a worthless story about illegals and pies, then get a shload of comments about it. But I love ya like that fat kid loves cake so it's all good in your hood.

From RivertonPaul on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 11:43:38 from 67.42.27.114

http://news.change.org/stories/ronald-mcdonald-youre-fired

http://1059sunnyfm.radio.com/2011/03/03/ronald-mcdonald-is-being-fired/

From Lily on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 11:46:37 from 67.199.178.210

LOL@paul. You're fired!

From rAtTLeTrAp on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:02:42 from 72.102.226.249

I really should read your blog more often. Thanks for the laughs. Once upon a time I worked at Jack In The Box and had many misadventures there. I think everybody should work fast food (and drive an ugly car) for a while. It builds character.

From SlowJoe on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:14:33 from 131.59.200.80

Wow, so many great entries before I started running/blogging. One of these days I'm going to have to sit down and catch up on all your entries starting from May 12, 2008. The fact that your first-ever post contained the sentence "I fartleked the rest of the way home" was a sign of things to come.

From Burt on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:17:43 from 206.19.214.144

Paul - how can they fire Ronald??? He's the boss!

Lily - The reason I can post such things is simple. Nobody takes me seriously. It's a curse.

Trap - I have only owned ugly cars. The difference is, I KNOW they're ugly! lol!

From The Quiet Pirate on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:20:33 from 152.26.59.252

Burt- I almost used that word, but thought it might get me blocked off your blog again, so I stuck with ugly. It is also slow & ugly...slugly, dirty & ugly...dugly, squeaky tires & ugly...squgly. Green & boxy...groxly, Green, roof rack, boxy....groofy. Yeah, I like groofy.

Working at Hardees didn't build much character, but I did get ringworm from having to share clown costumes with other people. Oh yeah, I was the clown.

From Sammie Howard on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:22:37 from 81.151.191.30

omg I pressed the link button to read Burts story and yes it intrigued me to carry on reading especially as it said not for the easily offended I thought game on this will be interesting....

so I read it thru and thru .... I thought offended how lol

ok ok so I read on to see peoples comments and so wished I had thought of Karens story first, oh dead I chuckled at how this young nervous tic type guy was and realised nahhh never mind

Karen HIGH FIVE ! :)

From flatlander on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:27:21 from 198.207.244.102

Burt, I'm trying to get work done. I think the IT nazis are going to block this site pretty soon.

From Burt on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 12:57:16 from 206.19.214.144

QP - Clown ringworm. Awesome!

Sammie - There are no drive thru restaurants in England because the steering wheels are on the wrong side of the car.

Mark - If they haven't blocked it yet, you should be worried about the smut your coworkers are looking at that's really keeping the IT dept. busy.

From Karen on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 13:17:51 from 173.14.8.17

Does anyone else overlook the actual workout parts of Burt's posts to get to the "meaty" stuff? Burt could totally break a world record on a training run and all I would care about is if he used the word "poo" in a new and creative way...

From rAtTLeTrAp on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 13:41:01 from 72.102.226.249

Did Burt actually run yesterday? I didn't notice.

From KP on Tue, Mar 08, 2011 at 21:42:48 from 173.16.13.29

ha.

From Kelli on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 13:01:32 from 71.219.97.85

You worked at McDonalds?

From Burt on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 13:04:17 from 206.19.214.144

Uh yeah. Hasn't everybody?

From Kelli on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 13:06:28 from 71.219.97.85

I honestly thought I was the only one!

From allie on Fri, Apr 01, 2011 at 14:47:50 from 174.23.241.50

word on the street is that ronald was never actually fired -- just given a new role that slightly raises his creep factor:

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2011-03-31-ronald-mcdonald-goes-digital.htm

From Burt on Fri, Apr 01, 2011 at 15:32:00 from 206.19.214.144

That is wonderful news allie! Wonderful news!

From ChrisM on Fri, Apr 01, 2011 at 15:34:24 from 82.26.212.49

fastrunningRonald here we come!

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