AM: 8
PM: 4
Still not wearing a watch, maybe this week!!
I have to tell you, despite all the challenges I have faced in my 51 years of being alive, the past 9 months have been some of the toughest. It has been nearly 1 year since I started having symptoms, and nearly 8 months since my diagnosis. There were so many days when I nearly cried because I couldn't even walk up one flight of stairs. I could barely get out of bed in the morning, both because of the pain and the incredible fatigue. I still did get out of bed, and despite the fact that it was sort of stupid, I still ran -- I am so very grateful that my stupidity did not actually result in permanent joint damage, as I am assuming since the swelling has gone down in most of my joints, and I can walk/run nearly 85% of the time without pain. I felt worse than I have ever felt in my life, and I was certain it was never going to get better.
Even as I write this, not in a spirit of complaint, but rather in reflection, I realize that my case is not nearly as bad as so many others. I don't think I really ever realized what "chronic disease" meant. I thought of diabetes, maybe chronic obesity, and I always felt badly for people who struggled with these things - but I certainly had no idea how life altering this sort of diagnosis was. And certainly, I was convinced, I am healthy, I eat right, I have the genetics so that I have never been seriously overweight, crimminy - I had run a 3:19 marathon for goodness sake - I had even missed the "bad cancer" lottery and did not have to undergo chemo, lose my breasts, or worst of all be faced with an uncertain future because of cancer (like some of the women I met during treatment).
There were days over the past few months when I was nearly confident that I was going to have to go on disability. And, seriously, I could not believe it had happened so quickly.
But now, I am just so very grateful (again). I have good health insurance that pays for my exorbitantly expensive medication, that WORKS, and I am almost back to my old self. I have to be careful about being around people who are sick, I now am "immune compromised" - but I can run. Only time will tell if I will be able to race/train again, but I can run. So, I am very very lucky.
And, now I am back to fastrunningblog, so all is good :)
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