Stilll not planning to run tonight, as the schedule calls for core work, but wanted to get some stuff off my chest, so to speak.
Yesterday was a bad day for me psychologically, as bad as I've had in a while. Tyler has been staying with his mom for several days, and I'm not really sure if or when he's coming back. I think his presence has been a crutch for me, and without him I have to face some issues. I can't blame him for wanting some time with his mom; I'm surprised that he hasn't spent more time down there this summer. He came back for an hour or so yesterday, but only to pick up some things, and I took that hard. So here I was this weekend, alone, bored, depressed, too broke to do anything, no focus to my life, and I was really miserable.
I know I have to get used to being without Tyler, because he'll be back in school in five weeks anyway, and I'll be moving to Fort Smith at some point. The job will start soon; with any luck, next week, if not on the 1st. I go to Phoenix on the 26th anyway, so I'll have that. And it just so happened that yesterday marked 20 weeks to CIM, so the start of my 20-week training gives me something to focus on other than my plight. I really do feel a lot better about things this morning than I did over the weekend. And if I get word that I can start work next week, so much the better; that will ease a lot of other worries. Hopefully I can get together with Pam and her attorney this week and get the divorce agreement settled, which will take another load off my mind.
I think, though, a lot of my improved mood has to do with starting training last night. I now have a goal, a distraction, something to focus on. The job isn't a goal; I know it's going to happen, I'm just impatient for it to start. Now I have the goal of Sacramento. I still have to get through the summer heat, starting the job, the trip to AZ, finding a place to live and moving, and training will have to be fit in around those things, but I can handle that. | 