Each Day Is a Gift

Got up dark and early to drive hubby to dialysis.  After getting him settled in; I changed into running clothes at the dialysis center bathroom and headed out on the JRP with a heavy heart.  First mile was slow, sluggish, battling swarms of gnats...wanted to find a secluded spot to sit and cry!  Once out of the park-like area and passed the 11400 S. bridge, I began to pour my heart out to my Heavenly Father... tears flowed freely as I ran south under cool breeze and the sun hidden behind a big fluffy cloud!  

It's been 5 months since that eventful day of April 15 when hubby had an emergency craniotomy at the prime of our mission service in Sydney!  I asked not why, what, nor how...only pleaded with the Lord to strengthen us through this trial.  At times it was hard to feel God's love; yet I felt many times the power of faithful prayers from family and friends sustaining me and comforting me.  I felt helpless and wanted desperately for my husband to be made whole, to be healed completely.  It is heart-wrenching to watch him deterioate, withering before my eyes!  He has gone through and is still going through so much!  

I pleaded to feel God's love and approval as I trudged along with heavy heart and tear streaked face.  Then in my mind's eyes, I saw the suffering of the Savior in Gathsemane; how much more heart-wrenching and painful it was for the Father to watch His only begotten Son suffered and died for us.  I then was filled with immense gratitude and instantly engulfed by His love.  I thanked Him for His tender mercy, kindness and love.  I thanked Him for granting me life, yes even the very breath that I take.  I thank Him for His Son's sacrifice, for giving me a wonderful eternal companion and family, for dear friends and loved ones, for the ability to run, for the very earth that I run on.  As I looked yonder at the cat-tails marshland and meandering river, the amber alfalfa fields and South Mountains ahead, the song "Lilies of the Field" flooded my mind:

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, how they grow.  

Consider the birds in the sky, how they fly, how they fly.  

He clothes the lilies of the fields.  He feeds the birds in the sky.  

And He will feed those who trust Him, and guide them with His eye.

Consider the sheep of His fold,

How they follow where He leads.

Though the path may wind across the mountains.

He knows the meadows where they feed.

He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the birds in the sky.

And He will feed those who trust Him,

And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sweet, tender children

Who must suffer on this earth.

The pains of all of them He carried

From the day of His birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the lambs in His fold.

And He will heal those who trust Him,

And make their hearts as gold.

He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the lambs in His fold.

And He will heal those who trust Him,

And make their hearts as gold. 

Oh, these comforting words lifted my heavy heart and feet.  I saw these words painted on the pavement: "Triathlon Mom Turn Around" then looked at my watch to see that I've gone 3.5 miles so I turned around and headed back with much smoother and lighter strides.  I now know what I need to do!  I will have more courage to do His will.  I will be kinder, be more loving and patient.  I will be more grateful.  I will not mumur but sing praises to Him whom I trust and depend on.  I will listen more.  I will ponder and search the scriptures for daily guidance.  I will serve with pure heart and hands.  I will cherish the time I have with my husband, take care of him and love him more deeply.  I will go to the temple often.  I will cling to the sacred covenants I've made.  Then I saw a man on a motorized wheelchair and his small canine companion, I greeted him with a smile...I will lift others' heavy hearts and cast my own burden on the Lord.  

Today's run reminded me of my first run some 25 years ago when I "ran away" from home.  I was suffering from post-partum depression after the birth of our 5th child; my husband was called to be the bishop; my mother had died from complications of diabetes in HK.  I felt alone, trapped, the burden of caring for 5 children under the age of 10 was too much.  I wanted to run away after I put the babies to bed.  I kept running and running until I reached the edge of Utah Lake where I knelt among the tall cat-tails and poured my heart out to God.  Again I felt God's encircling love; and with gratitude got up and ran home to my five sleeping children who to this day remain a source of joy and blessings in my life.  It wasn't until 15 more years later after that "running away", that I picked up this sport of running when the children grew up and I needed to take better care of my body so that I can take care of my husband who suffered a near death heart valves replacement surgeries.  I will run and pray for as long as I live!!! :)