The Shadow Racer

Today finally did me in.  I jogged over to Cedar High and ran a tiny part of the course.  I tried kicking in on the backwards 300 on the track just like in the race and I just about killed myself.  I was so dizzy and sick that I had to lay on the grass for a few minutes, then walk around before I could start jogging back to my apartment.  My back felt like it was on fire and I had to stretch for a minute to pop it.  The worst part is the pace I was going for those 300 meters--6:30/mile.

I was furious! I couldn't believe that running 300 meters at that pace killed me when that pace is much slower than my old 3200 meter pace.  I am SO incredibly sick of feeling dizzy and sick all the time! I haven't felt normal since the Dixie Track Invite back in April.  A couple weeks ago, I finally posted in detail about the health problems I've been having, but today I decided I'm done ignoring it and that if I want to race again, I need to face this problem head on and do what the doc told me to.  I'm going to meet with a dietician this week to see what other changes I can make to keep my blood sugar in check.  I am going to start doing core work again so that my back stays strong and in place.  I chose a race that is several months away and I am going to create a training plan, ease back into my training, and have some success.  I decided that even though I have all these issues, I am still way too young to say that my best racing years are already behind me. 

Here's to several more years of improving, and a lifetime of running!  I love it too much to let any of this crap stop me.

Day one of my new start!  Before now, I was running 3 miles or less about three times a week at a 10:00/mile to 11:00/mile average.  No warm up, no stretching, no core, rarely a Garmin.  I made up courses as I went along, and then guessed the distance or measured it in my car.

Today, I tried pushing the pace a little bit instead of just putting along.  I got pretty dizzy, but never to the point where I thought that I would pass out.  It was hard to try to keep pushing the pace while feeling so awful, but at the same time it felt so amazing to be out there pushing again!  To be dripping sweat and pushing through on raw determination and adrenhaline.  To hit a downhill and feel like I was flying.  Even with the pain, it was so amazing.  I wish that, back when I didn't have to deal with any of the diabetes, hypoglycemia, and anemia stuff, I would have realized how great I had it.  I wish I would have realized that shin splints and tendonitis really aren't that bad.  I wish I would have done a better job of just soaking every mile in and realized how lucky I was!  But, I know that I am still lucky because, despite everything, I CAN STILL RUN. 

5k distance on Freedom--Eccles loop. 28:09 total time and 8:55/mile average.  Not great considering the fact that this exhausted me and that six months ago my easy pace was a full minute/mile faster than that, but it is a definite improvement from where I've been lately.  I am going to keep running that distance and pace everyday for the next couple of weeks until it starts to become "easy" again, and then I will try slowly building up a little bit of mileage.

Day Two: When I woke up this morning, I was sore. It was amazing! I had finally been able to push through the dizziness enough to run hard enough to actually make myself sore.  It felt great! (In a weird way of course.)

Since I don't work until later today, I decided to do my run after class.  One of my roommates asked if it bothered me to run in the heat. I had to laugh as I told her how, in a few hours, my old team would be running in 105+ degree weather.

My run was great!!!  Okay, not entirely.  The first mile and a half were rough and I was feeling slightly dizzy, but not at all as bad as normal.  At the turn around point, I stopped for a minute to gather myself a bit--my back was killing me.  When I started running again, the heat reminded me of the XC days, and I had an incredible adrenhaline rush.  I pushed even harder than yesterday and finished my 3 miles (out and back toward Wal-Mart) in 25:43 with an 8:33/mile average.  Even better than yesterday!  Yes, I know it's not great, especially when I look back on where I was before all this crap happened, but I am trying to just keep looking forward on what I am accomplishing now despite my health issues instead of what I accomplished when I felt okay.  And honestly, an 8:33/mile average really isn't far off from what I ran before!  The only difference is that today felt a hundred times harder than it did back then.

When I got back, I immediately got a little bit of water and then drank a small bottle of chocolate milk to get my blood sugar back up.  This helped the recovery process a ton, I feel great right now! 

Giving myself a little bit of a push and running in the heat helped me feel in touch with a part of me that I was worried was lost.  Now, since I started struggling with this health stuff, I have had a few arbitrary days where I've felt great like this, so I'm trying not to raise my hopes up, but I am honestly starting to think that regaining my speed and strength despite my health problems won't be as hard as I originally thought.  Today's run made me hungry for some long runs, but I know that I need to get in a week or two of consistent 3s before I start to build up some mileage. 

Day 3: Met with a dietician (my nutrition teacher) this morning to ask his opinion on a few things.  He ended up giving me a whole bunch of information and offered to continue meeting with me regularly, write me a diet plan, run a lot of different tests on me, etc.  It was awesome! He told me that he could see the sadness in my eyes when I talked about how much I love and miss running and that he could understand my frustration.  He seemed to legitimately feel bad for me, but it's not his pity I'm after, it's his help and information.  Anyway, he told me that he thinks that the Hypoglycemia is a definite problem that needs to be faced with care and that some of the information I've heard and assumptions I've made about my diet have been inaccurate, which is why I've been feeling so crappy.  He's had me start writing down everything I eat, what time I eat, and how I feel.  He also said that I've overlooked the Anemia side of things, and that he wants to run a few more tests on me to see what I'm still deficient in and if I should start taking an Iron Supplement again.  He thinks that the Anemia stuff is more serious than I've been thinking.  But, he told me that with a lot of effort and monitoring, I should be able to race to my full potential again. What beautiful words to hear!!!

Just after the meeting, I went for my run.  3.2 miles around campus and up to Main Street.  I felt super great at first, but got pretty dizzy when I got about 1.75 miles into it and slowed down quite a bit.  When I was about .7 miles from the apartment, I picked it up quite a bit despite my dizziness and finished with an 8:30/mile average.  Even better than yesterday even though I felt worse!

Adrenhaline+Determination>Dizziness.

Day 4: 5k distance on Freedom--Maine loop.  Felt great at first, but started feeling dizzy.  Looked down at my Garmin as soon as I felt dizzy and it was 1.77 miles into it...I'm finding a pattern here! Same thing as usual, kicked in on pure adrenhaline. Today, I finished with an 8:10/mile average. Great improvement over the last few days, that's definitely something to be proud of!! It's good to be able to go at my old easy pace, but the problem is that it's not easy anymore.  I know I'll get to that point, though.

I was very, very dizzy after! I collapsed on the floor of my apartment, and I think it scared the living daylight out of my roommates!  Logically, I knew that I should have called it a day right then and there and taken time to rest.  However, me and Jake had plans to play pickleball, so I gave myself half an hour to recover and get some food, then played.  It was so much fun! I didn't tell him how dizzy I felt, I wanted him to think that he legitimately beat me by 8 points each time. ;)

Day 5: Took the day off from running today.  I'm up in Salt Lake with my family to go to Lagoon, and after my scare yesterday I didn't think it was smart to go running and then try to walk around the park all day since I passed out at Disneyland earlier this summer without even running at all that day.  Oh...good memories! Haha. Well, it turns out the precautions weren't necessary, since I ended up having an episode anyway. I got super, super dizzy and was sure I was about to pass out, but ended up being able to lay in the car and get some food in me before anything too extreme happened.  I wanted to stay at the park and just lay on the grass so my family could keep doing things, but my dad insisted that they take me back to the apartment.  I hope that my episodes the last couple of days aren't a sign of things to come!