Went for another late night at liberty park, despite how exhausted I felt. I may be getting this sore throat cold that the boys have, mostly due to the fact that I haven't slept more than 6 hours (and none of it consecutively) for a week. Fortunately I don't have a fever still.
I ran hard. It's been so stressful: unable to afford the major car work that needs to be done, my root canal but can't afford a crown yet, trying to buy a house, sell our trailer, Ben's overtime, sick kids, and Christmas. Add to that my no-grains no-sugar training for the last few weeks, and the fact that a co-worker brought a giant chocolate cake for her last day of work party, and I ate a huge slice.
So maybe it was all a sugar high. I don't know.
I remember one afternoon as I was trying to glean information from a local ultra runner. He was telling me about the time he paced the female winner of the Wasatch 100. He said once she felt like she had a shot to win it, she began training, and training obsessively: "Like a mother with two young children can't train." She didn't have work or kids. I have both. I had to prove to myself that my family, my job, and my other priorities didn't hinder me, they made me stronger. That having to do runs in the cold after the fam was asleep was going to make me tougher. That my insomnia was a strength, not a weakness. I could use it, train with it, so when I hit the night on my first 100 I can come alive again.
I was filled with emotion last night. I had something to prove to myself. I had to prove that although I was physically and mentally exhausted from a long day at work and an even longer commute, that even though I knew little F would be up with me all night, that I could still go out and run. Hard.
With the HR training I've been doing, and all of the tapering/recovering for my first ultras, I've done maybe 1 or 2 hard runs since Ragnar in June. I did 6 miles at a 7:40 pace... It's been so long since I've let myself hit that pace. I thought I didn't want to add too much intensity while I'm getting my mileage up, so after six I figured I'd back off to an 8:30. But I was so worked up that I kept dropping to an 8:00 pace and after trying to make myself slow down, I decided to forget it and just purge all the emotions. I ended up with 10 miles in 1 hr 18 min. No, not that fast, but MAN it felt good to consistently hit those speeds again.
Came home and F was awake, what a surprise. It took a few hours to get him back to bed, and he only slept a little bit. Perhaps tomorrow night he and I will both take Nyquil, for everyone's sakes. Insomnia + child with insomnia+ it made worse by illness= chronic lack of sleep.
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