Go, you chicken fat, go away!

It rained most of the day yesterday and was raining pretty good when I went to sleep.  I was 90% sure the guys I had planned on going running with this morning would call it off.  But it wasn't raining at 5am so they came and picked me up.  I set my alarm for 4:45am.  I was half expecting a text that they were going to cancel, so I went back to sleep and woke up about 5:08am.  There was no text, so I got dressed and made a pee pee.  Unfortunately I did not make a poo poo.  In my haste to get out the door at 5:15 am (Mike and John were there exactly when they planned on), I forgot my headlamp hanging on the rack right next to the door.  I remembered about half a mile down the street, but I wasn't about to ask them to drive back because last week John said he had a meeting to go to today, and I figured any lost time might make him late.  We drove to the parking lot next to the Sherriff's station and the Salt River tube rentals where we always park when we run Usery Pass.  As soon as I stepped out of the truck I knew I wasn't going to make it very far now that my bowels had woken up.  Mike had given me the keys because last week I turned around early and had to wait about 30 minutes before they got back.  I told them to start without me and I would catch up.  I searched Mike's truck for some TP and I found some fancy napkins from the Melting Pot.  I went over to the bathrooms at the tube rentals, which are always locked at this time of year, but I hoped for a miracle.  Of course they were locked.  Now I had to wander out into the wilderness and find a bush.  With the light of my cell phone I found a place that looked like it was safe from wild horses and coyotes.  I'm not an expert at the pop a squat so I ended up taking off my shorts and underwear just to be safe.  Safe from soiling them, not necessarily safe from wild animals.  Anyway, I did my business, which was gross.  It seems things didn't quite solidify as they should have.  I guess that's what happens when you wake up that early.  Thank goodness the Melting Pot has top quality napkins.  Putting my clothes back on proved to be a challenge since I didn't take off my shoes.  I got the first leg in without a problem.  I had a feeling leg #2 wouldn't be so easy.  Sure enough my foot didn't find the hole.  And of course I couldn't get it out in time to maintain my balance.  Down I went.  Luckily I was away from the, well, you know.  I stuck my second leg though my underwear and shorts, pulled them half way up, brushed the dirt off my bum, finished pulling them up, and I was now finally ready to go.  I figured Mike and John had a 15 minute headstart on me now.  And since they're faster than I am, I started doing the math and estimated that I would be about 2.5 to 2.6 miles into my run when I would see them running back down the mountain.  I decided that when I saw them, I would hand one of them the keys so that they could just pick me up when they were done.  Right at 2.54 miles I saw their headlamps and I handed Mike the keys and told him to come pick me up.  I would just keep running straight.  He said, "Ok."  It was later that I realized he had no idea what I had told him, and he thought I was playing a joke on him.  So his, "Ok" was indeed sarcasm.  I started doing more math in my head to estimate at what point in my run they would catch up to me to pick me up.  I figured it would be somewhere between 5.25 miles and 5.50 miles.  My goal was to make it to the top which is 3.7 miles.  I was glad I would make it because I would then have some downhill.  Well, right around 5.15 a guy was running towards me.  He was wearing all black and no lights or reflective gear.  He was literally 5 steps away from me before I saw him.  I had my vest on at least, so I'm sure he saw me before I saw him.  Anyway, I decided that I should call Mike to see where he was at and to let him know that if they saw that guy, don't stop because it's not me.  I ask Mike, "Where are you at?"  He says, "You want us to pick you up?"  I said, "Yeah!  Didn't you hear me??"  He made a joke about hearing me but wanted me to run extra.  Then he said, "No, I didn't hear you."  So, they drove up to get me, and I got to run more than I expected.  I felt bad because I didn't want to make John late.  Hopefully he got to his meeting on time.  Well, I'm sure I'll be nice and sore for a few days.  I am happy with the run.  My pace was slightly slower than last week, but that's a good thing since I went all the way to the top this time.  Have a great weekend, everyone.