6:00 a.m. 6 miles easy. Tired.
As I was sauntering along, something bit me (metaphorically) - why is it that luggage is such a nightmare on flights? Everything about the whole process from weight to size to pulling off your case at the other end is troublesome. The whole thing's such a palaver and a rip-off. But, of course, then you have those travel experts like the globetrotting Bret Jardine, AKA Alligator Jardine (the U.S.'s answer to Crocodile Dundee) who know how to milk the system. Oh yes, the snappily dressed Alligator Jardine has the whole luggage malarkey sussed. You see, it's his business. Or should I say, nefarious family business...
So, how do I know about the shenanigans of the mileage monster, Alligator Jardine? Well, when I was on holiday in Portugal I took the kids to a place called ZooMarine - the usual sort of tourist thing: dolphins doing tricks, rides, ice creams and all that jiggerypokery. But something bit me (metaphorically, again). Near one of the mediocre rollercoasters were some pens and in them were a selection of alligators, all of which I hasten to add were having 40/50 winks. How did these large semiaquatic reptiles slither over to Portugal from the US?
They didn't. There was no slithering or sliding but there was plenty of conniving. The snappily dressed, Alligator Jardine has a huge emporia, which profits from anything to do with alligators. 'Tis true. Honest. Even his Asics Nimbus trainers are made of alligator skin. You might even recall he recently complained that he was suffering from tendon problems, which he attributed to wearing business shoes and walking around some large city. Well I'll tell ye for free, they were alligator skin shoes and his briefcase, with all his dirty business dealings inside, was made of baby alligator skin. His suit - yep, pure alligator skin. Don't even ask... I've been informed by the Feds that even his underwear is made from luxury female alligator tail.
So how does our mileage monster do his business? In his youth he traipsed around the swamps of Florida (Bowie knife in hand, and although I can't categorically confirm this, but 'tis rumoured that a certain Mr Rob Murphy assisted Alligator Jardine - they were known to drink cheap beer bought with money that old ladies lost outside drop-in centres for lonely aged folk) and set traps for all moving alligators. (The setting of traps and general hunting skills were taught to the Gator Master by the huntsman, Russ - AKA, The Elk Hunter.)
Now, Alligator Jardine devised some brilliant way of stuffing alligators into cases and exporting them around the world. Hence his many business trips and why he's run in so many of the world's big marathons. You wonder why your luggage goes missing on trips - alligators eat it or the Gator Master pinches your luggage and stuffs Gator products in it. Simple.
Following a chat about the price of running shoes, he even had the audacity to try and sell me a pair alligator skin crocs - to run in. I ask you - alligator skin crocs!
But what about his family business/dynasty I hear you cry? I refer you to his recent comment to his post (Thur July 19th) where he proclaims - bold as brass for the whole world to read, "Both are fighting Florida Gators..." What more proof do ye need, folks?
I'm telling you. .. You heard it here first, on Bam's blog, where Bam the man tells it how it is.
*Since the publication of this blog post, Bret Jardine (reformed Alligator exporter) has made a significant monetary contribution to the Angry About Alligator Antipathy Association. He is also now the chairperson of the World Wildlfie Foundation and has dispensed of all his alligator products - except his swanky Alligator Nimbus trainers.
**Note to self - Get out more. Talk to people. Stop sleeping so much. Go see Dr and get meds.
6:00 p.m. All joking aside, I needed meds after tonight's workout - what a killer. 9.5 miles in total with w/u, 6x100m strides, 10 x 50-53 sec hill reps with jog back rec and w/d.
I'm pleased on several fronts with the workout. I did this workout 3 weeks back and could only manage 8 reps (the first 2 reps were in 56 secs and the remaining 6 were in 54 secs). This week they went: 52, 53,51,52, 51, 51, 50, 51, 52, 51. That's a substantial improvement in speed and with two extra reps thrown in for good measure. I feelt good and strong for the first 6. I went a bit quick on 7 and struggled to keep my beautiful and elegant form for the final 3 reps. I dug deep in the final 3 reps - more grit and guts than grace and plenty of rasping at the end.
I need to recover tomorrow and prepare for Sunday's 17.5-18 miler on the Tralee marathon course. This will be my longest ever run and I'm going out early doors on empty - could be interesting.
I'd like to thank Bret for taking the alligator post in good humour. Bret's my virtual training partner (even though he doesn't know it) - in that he helps me get over the 100 mile mark and gives mature encouragement, unlike my childish prattle. Thanks Bret. I'd also like to thank my wife for this oscar. Ooops wrong place and I haven't even written the script yet. I do get carried away sometimes... "If only he would," I hear you say. | 