Running Couples

[Kelli]

Can you just move the entire discussion from Teena's blog to over here??

Okay, just did not want there to be a zero sitting there so Sasha would wonder why he added this for us!

Here is a question for all of you bloggers?  How many of you are part of a running couple (both training and racing)?  And how do you balance that out and fit everything in?  I guess if you are empty nesters (or all of your kids are in HS) it is not too bad, but with little ones at home it is hard.  How do you work it all out to both train and race (and what do you do with your kids when you both go to a race?)

Just wonderin'!

[Jeff]

I run with my wife 6 days a week.  We rise at 4:15 and are on the road by 4:45 each morning.  This is the only way we can find the time needed to run and not interfere with family time.  On Saturdays for our long runs we have been known to get up as early as 3:15 so we can be done with our long run before it gets too hot and hopefully before all the kids wake up.  Our kids don't like it, but we go to bed right around 9:00 each night because we are usually dead tired by that time.  We leave the kids at home (asleep) while we run a 1.5 mile circle around our flat as a pancake neighborhood.  The only one who is up when we get home is my 14 year old who is usually waiting out front for his ride to early morning seminary.

The only days I don't run with my wife are tempo run days, interval days, or long run days when we have become sick of each others company.   Up until SGM 2008 she owned the family PR for the marathon but I was able to take over the top spot and I don't think she is real happy about that.  She started running long before I did and was the first to run a marathon.  I hopped on the bandwagon a couple years ago and have never looked back since.  If it weren't for her I would still be my normal overweight, lazy self.  Her desire and drive was contageous and the rest is history.

[Michelle Lowry]

I run and my husband runs.  He races and I race.  But we have different levels of commitment and expectations.  I think that if you both work, and have young children, you will not also both be able to do ideal training, especially for a marathon.  My schedule and training only happens because my husband doesn't also have the same schedule.  You need at least older children (or no children), VERY flexible, non stressful jobs, or one person in the couple willing to be a casual runner to make it work.  There really are only so many hours in a day.

You also have to balance how many children you have and how many events they are in into this mix.  3 kids x four activities a week (cub scouts, soccer practice, soccer game and piano lesson, not that much really) means 12 shuttles.  Whether we like to admit it or not, our interests (such as racing) do conflict and affect our decisions regarding what activities we support our children through This also works vice versa: I know people who don't race or run as much as they like because they are dedicated to a hairy schedule with their children.

I appreciate that my husband has allowed me to take the front seat with running.  In a year or two, my oldest will be able to babysit and then I'll start working on Paul about his first marathon.

[Kelli]

That is very interesting to hear, Michelle.  You are definitely one heck of a dedicated runner, but you deal with kids and life just like the rest of us!  Thanks for your insight!  And Jeff, your life sounds like ours (although we get up a little later).  We leave the kids sleeping (and pray that our HSer does not sleep through her alarm while we are gone) and we run!  Our kids have been troopers, but they are starting to complain.  That is why I am stressed about it.

Right now, we both have about the same dedication level, we are somewhere between being casual runners and being...what is the word?  Well, like Michelle and Sasha and so many others.  We are not there, we hope to have the time and dedication it takes on day, but now now.  It is just all a balancing act right now and I have been really struggling with it---I want to do this for me and for my kids and for my health, but I have that guilt that I am taking up too much time away from my kids (with races and just every day running) and neglecting some more important things in life.  When it comes down to it, I am just being lazy about prioritizing and scheduling, and I need to work on it.

It is amazing how just one little sport (all of my kids, aside from the 3 year old, play soccer) can wreak havoc on one's schedule.  The oldest plays for the high school team and that has just bean a mess as far as finding time to get everything else done.  I am glad it is almost over!  Soccer is going to always be a conflict with the SG marathon, so I will have to learn to deal with it.  I need ti fine tune this life, because we are in it for the long haul!!

[Jon Allen]

You guys are lucky you have kids old enough to leave home alone.  Many of us have only young kids, so have to either take them running or have one parent stay home.  So Jeff's solution isn't feasible for everyone (though I look forward to the day when it is).

[Jeff]

but I have that guilt that I am taking up too much time away from my kids (with races and just every day running) and neglecting some more important things in life.

I have kinda felt this same way and was just thinking about this very subject over the weekend in St. George.  A few of our family vacations each year involve mom and dad going to a race.  So the kids get to hang out with grandparents and cousins while mom and dad take off and do their thing.  I don't feel guilty at all about the training time because 90% of that is done while they are sleeping.  I just wonder if my kids are sick of being drug around while we go to a race here and there.

[Jeff]

You guys are lucky you have kids old enough to leave home alone.  Many of us have only young kids, so have to either take them running or have one parent stay home.  So Jeff's solution isn't feasible for everyone (though I look forward to the day when it is).

The day will arrive no doubt, it seems like time is speeding up as I get older and I'm only 37.

[dave rockness]

My wife and I have 6 children, the oldest being age 10.  We alternate getting up early and my wife has a membership to a gym (which gives 90 minutes of "free" babysitting).  My schedule is more flexible, so I just get out there when I can (would love to do two a days, easily have it in me, yet would have to sacrifice too much of my wife's running to be able to get it done).  Once a week we try to get to the high school track together with all the children.  This gives us an opportunity to run together and it's up to the kids if they want to play around or join in on "the fun" (surprisingly, they are all beginning to run on their own will).  Although most of the time we alternate road races, every so often we get a babysitter to watch the children in order for us to both participate.  We've been doing this since last November and it's been beneficial to us all!  Great to see folks committed to their families.

[Kelli]

We took our kids to the track for a while, but they got sick of it.  That was about 2 years ago and we should try that again.  I am thinking they might actually start joining us now that they are older.

And, YES, I am very lucky that I have an older daughter that can babysit.  Before that, we did not both run.  My husband only joined me when our daughter was old enough that we could leave together.  It has been nice, but, like I said, I feel like they are all starting to get fed up with it.

We NEED to take them to a race with us, and probably do some where just one of us runs.  They think our running is cool (and the fact that we always "win", what with our medals and all) but they want to be a part of it.  I wish I could convince a grandma to come along and meet us at the finish line with all of the kids!

[dave rockness]

We entered 4 of our girls in a 1 mile "fun run".  3 of them ran hard, 1 came in last place holding hands with 2 of her friends, and the 2-year-old was face down on the ground pounding her fists in prostest of not being able to run..."I am too old enough, I am too going to run."  She had to be 5 to enter.  They each received a medal and are allowed to enter another race as long as they are willing to "train" a bit in advance.  This was all part of a "kidz marathon" program started by Rod Dixon at the school. 

[cath2284]

I have 2 young girls-- a 4 year old and a 5 month old and my husband has run on and off.  I know this might sound crazy to some, but we do our running after 9, 10 or 11 at night on the treadmill.  I am not a morning person and never will be, but I can do a 17 mile run on the treadmill starting at 11:00 p.m. and stay up until 1 or 2.  At first I thought it was really weird but now that I have gotten used to it, I cherish my sacred 9:00-10/11 running time each night and my body has gotten very used to it and I can go to sleep right after.  For those of you with young children (mine are sometimes up several times a night so a morning run is also not feasible in that respect because I am exhausted sometimes when I wake up) sometimes the best running comes at night after they are in bed.  That is my weird solution to the dilemma and at least for the next 10-15 years until my kids are old enough to watch each other or I decide to become a morning person, that will hopefully keep working.  I will say I love unwinding after the end of a long day by getting on the treadmill and it totally helps me relax more than a hot bath or TV show does.

[Benn Griffin]

So after proposing this week to my girlfriend, we have now started to think about where to get a home/apartment in the next year or two. What does this mean? WELL MORE RUNNING TOGETHER OF COURSE! I usually get to go to Emma's house 1-2 days a week and we always go for either a run, bike, or hike. She is supportive and encouraging, especially in the last year since I have had my injury. She doesn't complain when I lag behind and on top of that she always helps me get through the rough times. I want to be like the cute running couples on the blog when I have kids and almost certainly I think I will ask for a running stroller when it comes time to think about kiddos!

[Tom]

Running as a couple is really, really great! Kim and I are very fortunate with our current situation where our kids our old enough we can both leave for periods of time without many worries. I'm not sure but I think over the last year we probably hold the blog record for "couple miles".

As our training levels and goal paces are a bit different, it's worked out for us to do similar to what Jeff mentioned where I run with Kim on my easy days and then typically do my tempo/speed/long runs solo or with runners of similar ability. It's oftentimes tough to find the balance so that we are doing all we can to be the best spouses, parents, friends and employees that we can be. I'm not sure if we have found the perfect balance just yet, but with SGM out of the way it seems like a good time now for us to put the running on the back-burner a bit and do a few more family activities that don't revolve around running.

This last year, culminating with Kim and I running SGM (my 12th marathon, Kim's 1st) has certainly been a unique experience. Wild and crazy at times, high life stress at one moment, and then euphoria and ectasy the next.  We've run PRs in every distance this year, but also have had the injury bug come and bite us good, usually right about the time we appear on track to reach new heights.

But this is also kind of how our life has gone at times as well...things are going along just peachily and then something happens and we find ourselves embroiled in turmoil and near the gates of hell as we deal with various stresses, trauma, and pain that comes to us in life, sometimes due to our own actions and other times through no fault of or own. Kim and I have certainly been through it all the last couple of years and the running in general, as well as running SGM specifically, has been a great help in keeping us sane and helping us to overcome hardships. We grown closer in the last year than we've ever been before and running together has certainly helped strengthen our bonds.

So to soon-to-be newlywed Benn and Emma and any oldlyweds out there as well...I highly recommend and encourage you to spend quality time together throughout your married days and if it works for you to run together then even better!

[Kelli]

Thanks, Tom.  That was nice to read and very encouraging.  I have to agree that my husband and I have grown closer through running (plus it has allowed for some "vacations" away from the kids).  BUT we have had our share of fights over it was well.  I agree about the balance---some days running together and some days not.  I have enjoyed running alone, with my husband, and with others.  But it is great to finish a hard run, sprint to our driveway, and then have a nice hug and kiss before feeling the pain set in!

Good luck to you two in your healing!!

[Benn Griffin]

Just have to say running with a significant other that is significantly more attractive than you is a major boost, especially when you let them stride in front of you a few meters. Motivation for the long run!